My will Vs Gods will - Al-Anon Family Group

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My will Vs Gods will

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

MeTwo2 wrote:
As willing as I've been in my own personal recovery to work this program, I see many areas I still don't truthfully work it. My recovery isn't separate from my life; it Is my life.
If anyone has experienced this or has any additional thoughts, please do share .. Thanks thanks thanks. so very much ..

OMG....who hasn't done this??? You are Not alone in this...denial is our protection mechanism and it still shows its head in my program.....yea, for the most part, I am brutally honest, but I can go back in denial when something hurts too much to face the truth...but denial is only a curse when we KEEP IT GOING...like "ok..maybe I needed denial while I processed something very painful and it would have been negative for me to face it *right now*" so the temporary denial would kick in but as long as I see the situation that needs me to face it in a reasonable time , I am "ok" with me.....denial is just protection....its not so bad, IF IT IS TEMPORARY.....however when one refuses to see the truth or the survival skill that needs to be worked on , then it becomes a hindrence to recovery.....NOONE wants to face all their stuff all the time....but eventually with good program work we do......U R doing fine.....LOVE your honesty

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks this is a fridge reminder as well but the computer rereads will have to do. Crazy but I see it with the denial .. I keep thinking it's so bad even though I have heard it and really heard the shockabsorber, etc.. if we didn't have it we would go into shock literally sometimes .. but seeing I judge it and need to work on letting it be .. it's just what it is; in fact it's a Gift, so I love the reminder it's only a curse when we keep it going .. thanks for sharing and I had to smile when I read the first line omg who hasn't done this ? feel like that moment of light clarity with that oh yeah we're all in recovery right ? have a smile on my face so this is good .. thanks again So much .. I can only be as honest out loud so to speak as those I'm surrounded by allow me to be ..

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile This Higher power stuff- I think its a relationship- it grows and builds over time...

I think I get closer by letting go- 'let go and let God'. aww

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

metwo2

Thank you for your insightful share. Knowing and accepting HP's will was and still is at times a difficult task for me. Many times as I walked this difficult path called my life, I have railed at HP's will and wanted desperately to change it, ignore it and fight for my will. Needless to say I lost every battle. I have the now learned to simply pray for knowledge of his will and the power to carry it out. My sponsor tells me HP does not speak in code ask and you will hear that still small voice within . Follow it and you will be guided. It works however I must say many times it was a difficult and painful journey

I now only pray for courage, serenity and wisdom I guess I have finally surrendered

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

This was such ggood timing for me. I've kind of lost that cconscious contact with my higher power lately and it's been my will in the driving seat and once again my life has become. Unmanageable. I need to make a point of asking for help everyday. Thanks.

sadsusie · Senior Member

I have also been kicking around this Gods will vs my will thing. It is really hard for me to give up all these dreams that I have been holding on to so desperately. It is quite ridiculous actually. I have been holding on the the Dream of being happily married of having children..I held on so tightly that I lost my own identity and neglected to see the reality in my life. That my husband was an alcoholic and that he controlled me and verbally abused me. So I held tight to that dream like a child under a blanket waiting for the dark to go away.

I guess it is just a habit? a bad habit? this not letting go of my dream. I've left home 77 days tomorrow..and am crying inside that I cannot return until I am well..until AH is well..and then there is that scary thought! What if God has a different plan for my life? I am super scared of that. Which is crazy silly, cause who could want more for you than GOD? I guess this is another level of faith. I also pray to God to let HIS will be done, lol...but I sneak in a "please let it be this way". I am not ready to let go of my dream yet, but I know that God knows me better than I know myself. And He knows what is best for me. Baby steps, I try to lead my life the way I feel Him lead me..and then step out in faith when I am scared. Like when I meet new people at church instead of run home right after. Like attending a meeting tomorrow..not knowing where it will lead.

I also think that planning ahead is part of what I did to cope with the chaos. That is a symptom for me. So giving the planning over to God is kinda hard for me.

I pray (selfishly) for my AH...asking for what I think he needs (as long it is God's will)...and to my surprise my prayer seemed to be answered. It was as simple as me hoping that people move out of my house (husband lives there) and that he learns to live alone..so he will have time to reflect on his thoughts and feelings and hopefully reach out to AA more often. GOSH! I just realized that I am controlling him! lol and using God to do it. That's a whopper.

Anyway good luck in your steps of faith.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

When I came into the program I didn't trust anyone, myself or my HP included. It gets pretty messy when you don't trust anyone and you don't trust yourself either. I gradually got back to an HP of my understanding that I know (now) has and always has had my back. Remember the ole footprints in the sand poem. Your HP was always there even when you didn't know it and didn't ask and carrying you along.

Now I don't have to consciously ask for guidance from the HP. I talk to the HP more as a best friend. I know that I can trust the small voice of my conscience. It is my HP. It is my karma. It is my guidance. It is Mother Nature. It is whatever it is in the universe that really is the controller. I trust that all those good, sensible rules that I learned as a child really are the rules to guide me.... the golden rule, the 10 commandments in whatever form you like them, the laws of the land to make sense out of chaos.

We had a meeting once about the HP as a vending machine. You put your prayers in as coins and get out what you pushed the button for. Hmmmmmm. It doesn't work that way. You have to trust that you are getting exactly what you need, not what you want.

Trust. It all comes down to trust in your HP that there is something bigger than you that is in charge and he/she/it or they are doing a fantastic job. Just deal with what you get and take care of yourself and work to enjoy the ride.

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I absolutely Love all these replies .. I can't believe how much I kept reading that was jumping off the page at me .. I am so grateful to each of you .. David when you mentioned the higher power thing being about relationship growing; I began to see it .. as we come into relationship with higher power, we can't help but grow into better relationships with others in general .. Betty, I love that you posted about rallying against hps will. For so long when I was reacting with others in my life, I began to see how really it's been about not being able to accept Gods will (the way it is) the entire time .. this is the acceptance I need to pray for .. to accept Life on Life's terms .. Susie when you typed who could ever want more for us than God .. I saw it, he truly does want what's good for us .. what I'm growing to understand a little more is how He enables that to happen. I was listening to a song on the radio .. we pray for healing, we pray for love, we pray for so many beautiful things But what if our blessings come through raindrops, what if our presents come through tears (something like that) but what I heard is God does work these ways because all of the fruit of our labors has first come through tears, hardships, etc .. to think those hardships just might have been the answers to our prayers .. grateful tonight for everything including the bad .. lol moment with the control insight .. I so know how that is to see it .. El-cee agreed I've needed some extra conscious contact too .. crazy to think of how much I missed all those years of not having others to reason things through with but today I'm again so grateful .. makes me sad for those who have not yet had the joy of the gifts we receive in these rooms through our higher power who works through us all .. thanks again so much for all your shares ..

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

maryjane thanks too for the reminder we get what we need ..

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

My recovery isn't separate from my life...It is my life.

I relate and that is also how I feel and practice it. An elder sponsor who was discussing prayer with me once told me "Make your life a prayer" and yes...I get it. I know God's will for me today and it isn't about what I choose to do rather it is "How I choose to do it". I've had face to face show and tell communications with my Higher Power and over all of them and after they were done it came back out to the "How" of my life more than the "what". What does count because it relates to self affirmations and self satisfactions however today I can't let my HP out of either of those consequences either. Part of my recovery has been in rebuilding my value system and all of that is about God's will. I love this post. (((hugs))) smile

MeTwo2 · ~*Service Worker*~

That's beautiful Jerry .. Make your life a prayer .. definitely gives me more to reflect on .. ((( hugs back .. ty )))

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

A dual member of our programs helped me with this question many yrs ago and I still use this today. He told me to start paying attention to my physical body when making a decision of any kind , if I have made a decision and I am calm and at peace it is God's will .

If after making the decision I am still rolling it around in my head a few days later , I am trying to force my will . This makes decision making much easier for me and faster hehe. so to keep it simple , calm = Gods will , confusion = my will . Louise

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