Cathy:

I understand what you are feeling. I had a day just like that on Saturday - full of fear and worry about my son. I knew something wasn't right when he cancelled our plans last Friday. He called me this morning to tell me he checked himself in to the hospital, told me not to worry and that he is fine. I don't have any details. He said he would get in touch once he figures out what to do.

Yesterday I cried, prayed for HP to take care of him. I am trying hard not to project and believe that this latest event is part of his journey. What else can we do?

Sending prayers your way.

(((hugs))))

Dear one, you know I am a widow from my first AH getting killed. So when my 2nd husband started using again he did the disappearing act bs. No one would know where he was. Or he would not come home or whatever.

So since I had, had the worst happen to have this one now pulling the same bs was more than I could stand. I realized, I cannot control one thing about him. I cannot find him. He is a man, he can figure things out. In that pain I would picture my AH curled up like a squirrel in my HP's hands who is the Creator Jehova for me. A huge hand with my Ah asleep there. That no matter what hp knew where he was, so did not matter if I did or not. I leaned to let go and let God.

I breathed a sigh of relief. We all do that Cathy, if we worried about all our loved ones we would be nuts. We all get that sick feeling when we think what it would be like if we lost our precious child. Very sadly some of our dear people here at MIP have suffered that and are still suffering!

I invite you to find something to tell yourself, every time you start to think of him and the what ifs. As simple as HP is watching him. Or I trust no matter what he is ok.

IF you believe the Bible Cathy, cannot remember if you do, even if we do lose our kids or whoever, they will be resurrected. Of course we will miss them. But we have the hope of seeing them again.

It has to be so hard for you to be in this position. when you have checked before did it make it easier for you to go on? Its better for me to let go some. I of course get concerned about my son. He will take off alone with his dog and pontoon boat up to some river in the outbacks of Oregon, I will have NO idea where he is!

I have learned, its hard, to take a breath and trust him. Though yesterday he slipped off a rock and took the hide of his calve! dipstick, well of course he calls to tell me......lol One time I could not find him, it was a sunday night shoulda been home. Just felt wrong. I got on fb and messaged some of his friends, no one had seen him. One gal lived close by, so she went to his house.He had just gotten home. whew. He did not get mad at all. but I do know the fear.

Even though your son is A, mine is a risk taker...he is very intelligent, makes good choices etc, but so did a lot of nice people we know who are no longer with us.

anyway I am glad you come here and let it out. That does help us big time. To be honest I have not heard from my ex AH for years now and I wonder if he is ok, is he dead?

so pretty lady take three deep breaths and blow them out slowly, drops your elbows and let your head fall back, close your eyes, listen, then imagine you are walking down a dirt road between two fields, what do you see, what do you hear, as you walk along what are you walking to? a river, how does it sound, is it big or more like a creek? big rocks or sandy? Take yourself on your own trip in your head. let your boy relax.

i love doing this. Ok don't freak. A LONNNNNg time ago when I smoked pot once in awhile, a small group of us would walk. I cannot sit still when I smoke, or used to.....(c: so as we walked I would take them where ever I wanted to talking out loud and we went on dream quests. Was so much fun. I would have them walking up hill and down, we felt it, but in reality we were on flat land~ YOu don't have to smoke pot to do this but that is the memory I have. I used to think about that Jefferson Airplane song Alice.One side of the mushroom....u no?

Really Cathy no matter what it is, you can handle it. You will always feel worse than the other person does. also if it will help you to call him, I would just do it.

hugs, debilyn

-- Edited by Debilyn on Monday 2nd of September 2013 04:57:15 PM

Thank you so much for your ESH. I want so badly to have some peace and not worry about him.....I don't know. He might not be contacting me because of the water bottle last weekend. He must know I have found out about it being there bull of vodka.

It's funny when your in a mood like this you can't think of all the things he has done and I have let it effect me. Over and over...it never ends. One day strong next day weak and fearful.

I need to get back to work....I don't like weekends because I don't keep myself busy enough and stinkin thinkin sets in.

I hate it, its like waiting for the other "shoe to drop"... from my understanding "projection" is using our imagination in a negative way, (you are not a fortune teller) so doesnt it make sense if we use our imagination in a positive way this may aleave (sp) the worry, easier said than done of course, but never-the-less a worthy challenge. I think in times like this is where your program comes in and sets you in the right direction. If something serious happens to your son you will hear about it and your HP will give you the strength to deal with it. Until then save that adrenaline until you really need it. The only thing you can control is "you", so get busy and try not to look at things so emotionally, try to be more logical and down to earth, nothing has happened yet and if you are anything like me I didnt want to know what was happening because it was none of my business unless it was an extreme emergency. Remember your son is an alcoholic and they don't act normal and call us and say "hi mom thought I would just call and say hello, I'm fine". You are the captain of your ship cathy, steer it to a beautiful island.... you have the power, its in you...dont let things or people get the best of you......in support Oldergal 

One more thought on the fear you are or were feeling, too.  I discovered that when I could let go of my anger (which lets me feel some sense of having power and control -which I don't - over the disease and my son);  I was faced with fears that if I named them aloud with a friend or on paper to myself lost their power over me.  If I kept trying to fight the fears rather than face them, I kept twisting in the wind.  I think you are making progress with all this.  It probably just doesn't feel that way to you today.  What you're not doing is driving all over town and to the ranch looking for him.  You're trying to deal with your fears and asking for help in doing that.  Good program work, Cathy, at least to my way of seeing this.  (((C)))

Cathy, these types of predicaments are not uncommon when you are talking about a serious stage 4 alcoholic like your son. That ranch was for folks wanting to recover. A person totally avoidant of AA is not wanting to recover. Alcohol has him firmly in it's grips and it's going to take something very powerful to get him to be willing to let recovery in.

You have developed much better boundaries and your expectations are getting more realistic the hard way unfortunately. Will he be okay? I dunno. I hate that I can't tell you he will be, but I do know he needs to suffer badly to surrender to recovery.

G0D = Gift of Desperation

You have discussed his disease getting desperate? Well that's not necessarily a bad thing. Desperation and incomprehensible demoralization is what gets us into recovery. Don't know if your son is there, but the fact that he has consequences (and has only really been feeling them full force for less than a year right?) is making the odds of finally surrendering to AA and recovery better.

Prayers for him. But for you, keep working your steps and your program. Call your sponsor. Dig into meetings. You have tools you have been blessed with. Much respect for you. Have faith that your HP's will will be done one way or another.