The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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Hi, Welcome to MIP: My son lived with me at different times. Each time I set boundaries and limits. He'd be happy and whistling and doing what he needed to do for himself for about 3 weeks. Then, he'd return to the destructive pull of alcohol and drugs. I have not allowed him to return to my home but do have contact with him. Too much drama attached to the disease for me. Al-Anon helped me put that boundary in place for me. I can't save him. That's his job and his HP's. But I can take good care of myself. Being a parent to an adult child with this disease is very difficult. Much encouragement to you as you live this one day at a time program. Many prayers for the both of you, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 31st of August 2013 10:10:07 PM
No contact w son for almost 1 yr after I stopped enabling. He showed up this week and said he was done drinking, didn't want to die. Got in detox 7 day program, medical detox, will be out soon and coming "home" . Scared I don't know how to prepare or what to do? Know he has to do the AA program himself, me F2F al-non mtgs. Can I require him to attend AA mtgs while under my roof? He is afterall an adult 33, but my home. Help, need advice. He really is at rock bottom, home or the woods for him!
Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am so pleased that your son has entered a medical detox and is safely detoxing. Alcoholism is progressive fatal disease that we re powerless over. It is important for you to attend alanon face to face meetings just as it is for your son to find and attend AA.
It is you home and it is your right to set up boundaries and house rules in order for him to live there If he does not abide by them It is just as important that you are prepared to enforce the consequence
Aloha Sandy and welcome to the board...you have program and experience to rely on...alright TOOOOOLLLLSSSS!! I believe you already know that the boundaries will be required for you and for him and for both of you. Boundaries is good stuff. Once I learned about them and how to make them and set them in motion my life went so much more smoothly and my alcoholic/addict wife and then son didn't have much "gray" area to wiggle around in and try to manipulate. Boundaries...black and white...high contrast...desired consequences in place. You go girl. Sending prayers. ((((hugs))))
"Your way or the highway". Its your home, its your life, its your "peace of mind". Take time and make it a priority to think about what YOU want. Make a list of boundaries. These are the ones I had and still have just in case son comes back:
-Must be working a program to get sober -Must get a job, and share expenses -Clean up after self -Cannot drink, smoke in my house, or computer pornography -Cannot come home drunk, high, stoned etc. -Must be in at a decent hour during the week **-I will be treated with courtesy, kindness and respect at all times. -If for some reason you cannot make it home, I want a phone call and a legitimate reason
These were some of my boundaries, he needed my help more than once and finally got on his feet and has been gone for over a year. He knows what his options are here, I had to be tough and not a push over, it gave him some much needed structure that he lost during his teenage years.
Read your Alanon literature lots, memorize it....it will bring you peace and help save your son.
In support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
You have come to the right place. We are glad your here. I also enabled my son for so long it was hard for me to set boundaries and I went by the wayside a little but on pretty much on tract. I will not let my son come to my home to live. One of my boundaries. I also asked when he did come and visit he broke my boundary and got drunk in my house. No more.....he will not even visit unless he changes and respects me. He will not attend AA and is trying to get sober on his own which will be very hard for him so I have to just stay strong for me and him. He must live is own life now.
Take care of you and keep coming back because you are not alone here.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
