The material presented
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Peace, thats so compex an answer. I have been searching for Peace my whole life. Thought it was something outside of me and discovered that it is an inside job.
It has nothing to do whatsoever with anything that is going on around me or outside me. It's acceptance of yourself with all your flaws, its knowing you can't control others or whats going on in the world. Its coming to realize what you can change and what you cant. Its a lot of things.
Its knowing you won't be accepted by all people and being ok with it. Its surrender.
Peace is different for each person. Sounds like you have a lot things that are bothering and affecting you. Maybe some meditation might help. Perhaps, a change in sponsors. Try to create open dialogue at your meetings, if you feel you are not getting what you need from them.
Peace is not a place that we arrive at, peace is a lifetime process, it is for me anyway.
Im wishing you peace.
Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 31st of August 2013 02:30:00 PM
-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 31st of August 2013 02:31:05 PM
I am just going to be raw with this post and pour my heart out. I have deep sadness and anxiety almost every day of my life. I do have a HP but I often feel like I need to feel him more and I feel alone. I am a very sensitive being here on this earth and I feel everything...I feel peoples emotions, anger, sadness, anxiety - I am a sponge by nature. I believe my HP created me to be this way and yet it is often very painful. I sometimes want to just hide under the covers and never come out of bed. I have 3 kids who I need to be a mom to and be very engaged with. I feel like I am a great mom but underneath I worry that I am not doing enough. I feel bad because my anxiety is affecting me often and I want to feel free and joyful and happy! I do have those moments but they seem few and far between. I am working my program and I have done the steps. I feel like I need a sponsor who will really take me under her wing. My current sponsor feels so cold to me and I am not able to feel any warmth and I desperately need that connection. I am really trying to find it with my HP. Sometimes I pray and ask God why this world has its pain. I feel like I have felt so much pain over my whole life that I deserve to be happier. I have done SO much work in therapy and in my program and I still struggle. I often pray to God to show me more who he is and I want to feel him. I get tired of pushing myself out there and doing things to get attention when underneath I just want to be accepted. I just want peace. I know that my HP must have thought I was strong enough to be so sensitive and feel the worlds pain but it is hard to manage. Also being affected my so many people who are alcoholics has been hard to get away from...I have learned to detach with love a lot but for some reason I cannot find the peace that I so need. Any ES and H is so welcome. Hugs to all my fellow travelers.
For me peace comes easier when I make sure to take the time to love myself.
I'm learning more and more that part of my human experience will always involve times of trial and sadness. Life doesn't always hold endless peace for me. But when I do have those moments, I be sure to try to be fully present in them and really enjoy and appreciate them.
I find, too, that I feel less at odds with things when I keep a daily gratitude list. For me, at least, there is soooooo much out there to be grateful for. And when I'm continuously finding little things to be grateful for, when hard times come my way, I have those little positive points of light to fall back on.
I sincerely wish you peace. :)
I know for me, too, that it's all in my head and perspective. There's a favorite quote from Hamlet that I pull forth often when I start labeling life as a struggle. That quote is "There is nothing good or bad, only thinking makes it so." really reminds me how powerful my own mind is in all of this, and I have choices to look at things in positive lights instead of negative.
((((Hope For Ever))) I love things with the word Hope in it Jen...Look at the post just after yours by "Older....and wiser....Gal" Read it until it is lodged in your memory. It is a different perspective than yours and one of the things I learned early on in recovery was "If I kept and open mind...would find help". When I did that I could here the other perspectives I seemed to never hear and was incredulous that I could accept them. These are the "other" stories I need to hear outside of mine alone which loop into each other in my head. Insanity...doing the same thing over and over again expecting different result also applies to "thinking the same things over and over again expecting different results".
Here is a prescription I was given early on in recovery by my sponsorship and the fellowship who I use to appal with my "being stuck" stories and being stuck is deadly...mind, body, spirit and emotions.
Do once or more times daily as necessary. Schedule to time and follow the schedule regardless of perceived "need to".
Set aside 20 to 30 seconds to tantrum and and display drama in the safety of a chosen environment. Trantrum loud both verbally and in body language (jump up and down, swing arms around wildly, stamp your feet and pump your fist, use the most appropriate language for expression with least chance of having public safety and emergency providers interrupt. Best way to do this is announce your tratrum ahead of time to close family and relatives. At the end of the time period stop all therapy, straighten up your clothes and presentation, exhale roundly and let your tense soulders and back muscles relax. Attach a smile to your face and and repeat internally "I'm good to go now" and then go on with your programmed life. You can personalize the prescription with your character or maybe some of the other members who have no patent on happy. Look up Tasha's smile if that works for you like it does for me...I don't think she minds or anyone else cause if it works for us you can have it for nothing...free.
At first you will want to schedule this prescription for several times a day...do not dally...do it for real. It will save you the cost of medication.
When you are done...whisper to your HP (who will be right at yourside making sure you don't inadvertantly hurt yourself or others) Thank you for your unconditional acceptance...please tell me where you want me and what to do when you are ready. Take your smile inside and let your kids watch "the" program work in you.
You're allowed to PM me and tell me how crazy this sounds for you and how silly and then read Oldergals post before this first.
I just read your post and the strange thing is that coming home on the train, I said to myself that I need to ask my fellow members on this board "How can I find some peace"? I find myself sad, depressed, anxious every day and always on the verge of tears.
I want to find some joy in my life! I know that a lot of this has to do with worrying about my son who is currently in recovery but having a difficult time finding a job. This is making him depressed and I am concerned for his sobriety. I understand that I have no control over his actions but it's hard not to feel anxious. I am also between jobs and we have been support for each other. I found myself relying on him and this probably is not healthy.
I haven't heard from him in a few days and all these crazy scenarios are playing in my head. I swear my mind is my worst enemy.
Jerry F - I will do what you suggested. I know I feel better after a good cry.
I wish you peace, Hope4ever. I read my Al-Anon books and pray a lot.
