Dealing with guilt - Al-Anon Family Group

Barbara 22 · Newbie

Dealing with guilt

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Barbara

Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am glad you reached out and connected. I can so identify with the "self healer and self learner image "of which you speak. When I arrived in alanon I was told that this is a "WE" program because recovery from living with the disease of alcoholism should not be attempted alone.

Being a nurse I am sure you know intellectually that alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which you/ we are powerless. Your hubby's choices are his to make and no matter what we say or how we say it we cannot change him.

Alanon members understand as few others can. We too have felt the guilt and sadness and have found the tools to recover and walk with serenity , wisdom and hope.

Meetings,a sponsor, the steps and slogans will open the door to hope and freedom

Please continue to share here as well.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Again Barbara

As you know alcoholism is a Family Disease and all members of the family could benefit from a recovery program.

I forgot to mention that your daughter would benefit greatlly by also attending alateen or alanon meetings.

There are approved alateen meetings held on line Here is the site

STICKY: WSO STICKY: WSO approved meeting place for teens living with alcoholism

(Preview/Moderate)

There is hope

)

Barbara 22 · Newbie

Betty-
She leaves tomorrow for her junior year in college. She has been to a therapist a few times this summer, and says first thing she is going to the student health center for counseling. I am sure they will help her find an Alateen meeting. I will give her the website. Even this short time on line today has helped me. Thank you for your kindness. Time to work on MY day. My last with her for a while. I will make it shine!

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

((((Barbara)))) Welcome to the board...claim your seat and stay. We are family who have learned from each other and from inside the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups just exactly what the disease of Alcoholism is. As in the first step we have come to admit truely that we are powerless over it and for me that rid me of feeling future guilt...the ongoing stuff from continued failure. I was supposed to fail I learned and I also learned the 3Cess of Al-Anon...that I didn't cause the disease, couldn't control it and would never be able to cure it. I came to accept the second part of the disease later...that my life had become truely unmanageable because as I was trying to fix the alcoholics and addicts in my life I was doing nothing for my own. It didn't make sense to me that I could let go of control of my own life and run off to save someone else and return to a sane, calm, peaceful and intact life. I was in constant chaos...mind, body, spirit and emotions and the disease touch or trambles on all of those levels all at the same time. It is okay to feel guilty for the wrong we have done others and isn't sane to feel guilty for the parts they play them selves. He drank himself into liver and kidney and other organ destruction...that wasn't not your doing by any conscious or unconscious desire. You are a nurse...a professional care taker, with lots of education and experiences on helping to heal willing patients and the key word is "willing". Your husband suffers from a compulsion to drink which has manifested itself deeply into the allergy from it and the chemical owns him. If he drinks he hurts...if he doesn't drink he hurts more because the anesthesia isn't being applied. Go thru your education on the classification of the chemical starting as a mind and mood altering chemical and then into a chemical depressant and then anesthetic and the diuretic (doesn't quench thirst...causes it) and then as a synergistic propellant and ...he's done if he doesn't arrest it by total abstinence. Best person to help him is another recovering alcoholic who knows and knows that he knows his disease inside and out. You can pray and so can your daughter and while you both are seeking the rooms of Al-Anon and this miraculous progam for healing you can pray. The higher power we seek out in the second and third steps is also greater than the chemical and then that is just for you and your daughter tho prayer does work toward asking for help for the addicted person also. I've been around for a while and I have met many miracles in recovering addicts and alcoholics who were once thought done for. When I turned my alcoholic/addict wife over to this higher power and in its time with my exspouse willingness, humility and work which I thought she was incapable of, she got clean and sober and in a way that she is now my metaphor for humility.

Forget the guilt for now...start at step 1 with the help of a sponsor or sponsoring group and work thru 1 - 2 - 3. In step 4 you can grapple with the emotion of guilt.

Keep coming back...In love and service. (((((hugs))))) smile

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

The best advice or suggestions that I can make are go to meetings, as many as possible, read the literature and take it easy on yourself. His addiction is not your fault, you are not the fixer of anyone's life except your own. I thought it was all down to me too but i know now that everyone including my children's pain belongs to them for them to work through. Your daughter has a Father who is an alcoholic, this does cause pain and suffering. These are the facts and only she can work out her feelings, blaming you will prolong the pain as will taking the blame. Your daughter would benefit from alanon too but again this is not your call only she can decide this. Set the best example you can by taking responsibility for your own recovery she may follow your lead. Good luck.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.