The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't believe how long I have been without emotional support, connection, conversation, all of it. I was made to feel I was just not worth the effort. That it was my fault. That I was just too needy. I am sick to death of being lonely. It doesn't matter that we can be in the same house, same bed, or same car, or same restaurant, or at the same gathering. I am always there by myself. Is it just a given that these A s have nothing to give??? He stopped drinking a couple of times, for a year and 2 years. Just one day for no appairent reason will stop. Then eventually decides to start up again. But his personality never changes anyway. He wouldn't have the extra **** mood he gets after a few, though.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of August 2013 03:26:25 PM
I, too, have sometimes put all my eggs into the basket of another unavailable person which fed some unhealthy needs I had developed in childhood.
In that way, I became more and more isolated. Its been many years since I have done that, but your share brings back the memories. Good that you recognize the deep loneliness you are experiencing. Good that you know there is program fellowship for you to join and you could be with that fellowship as many times a day or week that meetings are available and you have the time to go there. When I quit putting my eggs into another person's basket, I reconnected with what brings me fulfillment, joy and a sense of belonging. I still slip at times. I still feel lonely at times. I still experience losses in relationship to my As. The difference between me before recovery and me after recovery is that I don't allow myself to stay down or stay lonely or stay sad for long and if I put my eggs into another's basket, I can recognize it fairly quickly and remove them right away.
I wrote a post on here and someone put, This is similiar to a topic you put 6 yrs ago when you joined us. At first I thought what?? Then I realized just like an A I do good in my program and then I start enjoying the normal period of my AH between his binges, moods or whatever, and then I was starting all over again. Every time. I seemed to have my own merry-go-round of emotion.... my own non alcoholic system developing over the last 6 yrs.
It made me get MY butt in gear and work and beleive in my program more and depend on myself weather he is good, bad, drunk, sober.. whatever!
I have come to a lot of realization of what and when I plan on making MY own life changing choices. But they depend on ME ...
I got sick of loneliness, but found a friend within myself... spend more time doin stuff with my kids, the fewfriends I havent lost due to not understanding tolerance of my old chaotic life.... Trying to make a positive differnce and doing the next right thing is keeping me happy
Im just teaaching myself to not allow him to set or effect my mood ..its never too late to learn....
.... and whom ever stepped on my toes on that post ... THANK YOU for making me RETHINK !!
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
I can't believe how long I have been without emotional support, connection, conversation, all of it. I was made to feel I was just not worth the effort. That it was my fault. That I was just too needy. I am sick to death of being lonely. It doesn't matter that we can be in the same house, same bed, or same car, or same restaurant, or at the same gathering. I am always there by myself. Is it just a given that these A s have nothing to give??? He stopped drinking a couple of times, for a year and 2 years. Just one day for no appairent reason will stop. Then eventually decides to start up again. But his personality never changes anyway. He wouldn't have the extra **** mood he gets after a few, though.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of August 2013 03:26:25 PM
OH this brings back flashbacks of my AH #1....it was always MY fault, defect, oversight, mistake, never him....I was soo lonely, starved for affection and I got ZERO...I finally decided to and did, move out and I was flat broke , almost, but I did it...I was gonna have affection and company/companionship, even if it was just my friends, hanging out with them, I was gonna get out and I did....nothing worse than to be alone w/someone......now I live alone w/my pets...I am Ok with that...b/c anytime I want to I can get up...get the bike out and find a neighbor to ride bikes w/or hang out at somenes house, I am only alone, now by choice...when I want company?? there is a lot I can get around my own neighborhood......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I think until the underlying issues - self pity, guilt, self loathing, immaturity, low self esteem- (much the same as ours in the end) are dealt with. My ex was sober for around 6 years and he was still an obnoxious, paranoid, miserable person, and so was I to some extent. AA gives them what Alanon gives us - tools to get to know ourselves, accept ourselves and eventually love ourselves. He is what he is what about you - thats the bigger question and the answers are within reach for you. The answers for him belong to him thankfully.x
-- Edited by el-cee on Sunday 1st of September 2013 06:44:08 AM
el cee, You struck a cord...I just realized I have taken a trip on the self pitty bus. Ever since I got on here I have been whinning (SP?) about poor me, I'm lonley, I'm neglected, ect, ect. Blah, Blah, I'm enough to make my own self sick LOL! I need to grab myself by my big girl panties and do something about it!!!!
