The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Reading your communications and telling your stories is affirming...very. I just read some shares which included the discription of the alcoholic "pushing buttons" and I was reminded of early Al-Anon where my learning was aided by my ability to see metaphors...pictures of what everyone was talking about. Yes I'm one of those who when I was young use to frustrate my parents and my teachers because I had difficulties "getting it" in verbal form only. Often I was asked "Do I have to draw a picture for you"? and while that was taken as a put down because all of my other friends didn't seem to have the problem understanding as I did and it was said with different emphasis to me...I learned that I did in fact need pictures and as I grew the numbers of available pictures to me increased. Today my albums are many and my metaphors unlimited.
I was remembering my sponsor telling me that I was going to have to find a way to stop having my buttons pushed so easily and asking me how would I do that. I did have experience with simple electronics and was able to see tiny buttons and switches all wired up and with lights and electrical current which use to jolt me whenever I let the alcoholic/addict or anyone "push my buttons". There is a tool I had in my little tool box called a "wire snip" and when I used it to snip the wire to anything the current could not pass and the light didn't go on or the jolt wouldn't come and so there was my metaphor. In my picture I disconnected every button I could imagine between me and the addict which she could ever find and push and after I did...She rarely if ever got a reaction out of me from pushing my buttons. My whole control board was disconnected. YAY!!
Another way of saying the process was that I was "detaching" the wires from the electricity and it worked. Soooo do you need to have a picture drawn so that you come to understand? Thank God I do. Thanks for the metaphors. Wanna borrow some snips? ((((hugs))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 30th of August 2013 02:24:50 AM
I've been working with a slightly different visualisation. Same story, different hat lol. It might sound a bit flakey, but I like to write and read fantasy (I'm also doing a science degree and earn my own money, I'm not a total flake). (but I suck at physics and the circuit analogy doesn't work for me)
So, when I'm losing my ****, cannot-f^&%ing believe what is being said to me, I visualise myself as a witch in the forest. Who found a dirty broken man lying amongst the trees and took him home and cared for him. But as he got stronger, he started stealing my powers and using them against me. He started to get quite powerful and destructive. He took the caring, good parts of my magic away and turned them into something dark and abhorrent. He held me hostage for many years, using my spells against me while I cowered in the corner. I didn't know how to stop him. He was so angry and mean. He became so powerful. I was terrified of him. One day, when he was away, practising his dark magic, I was walking in the forest and found a little circle of people sitting around a camp-fire. They didn't say much as I approached them, but the girl I sat down next to me gave me a hug and said "shh, just listen". So I listened.
And everyone told a story just like mine. I couldn't believe it. They were all like me. Their powers had been stolen away. Just like mine..
They told me how to get my powers back. Each time he used one of my spells against me, I could come and share it, and together we would make a new spell. Then the old spell wouldn't work anymore. It was slow, one day at a time. One spell at a time. Some days we didn't get to work on me, but that was OK. I learnt new things from helping others with their spells. I learnt so many spells. It was amazing. It was the best part of my day. I got stronger. My old powers faded and he couldn't use them against me anymore. I grew stronger and each day I fled home before he realised I had gone, and pretended I'd never left, but he was a little smaller each time. I became less afraid of him.
And that's about where I am at.. he's a little smaller. I am a little bigger. I still want to love and care for this crazy monster. I hurt. But I'm re-writing my own spell-book a little at a time. That's alanon for me.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 30th of August 2013 03:20:51 PM
I love the metaphor and will use it. I, too, need pictures and I adore metaphors and symbols...makes my life so rich. Thanks for letting me into your head for a few minutes.
Whanau is Fano in Samoa- not sure about Hawaiki? Its more than family, more like extended family...
...anyway... metaphors... just airing a few ideas, kicking the can around the yard with someone is healthy- like a daily walk, but with a much larger dimension.
On a daily basis I think out higher power is about having hopes and dreams. To share these, ventilate these regularly is what we miss completely in the drinking days. Time for a catch-up...
...I believe my dad pushed my buttons because I worked for the business in my spare time from a young age. I think by rubbishing me and ridiculing me I worked harder. It was his way of teaching me and parenting me but it was sick. It gave him more drinking time. And, in the end it wasn't going to save the business.
I have to re-learn and to be more balanced- have a work-life balance, take a holiday when I need one.
To be honest when i first came to Alanon and heard the slogans I thought they were real corny. But I grew into them and grew through them. I can even make my own up now!
I keep going back to your post- and try to figure out just what you are saying. I don't understand widgets and gadgets. I do understand horses, cows, sheep dogs cats rabbits...
Thanks for the post, Jerry. I was introduced to a college prof years ago who told me that a small percentage of our population can learn from hearing/verbal instruction and yet school systems (at that time - early 90s) were set up to teach through lecture which often frustrated the larger percentage of students. I learn more through story - which paints pictures for me - and doing something I really want to do over and over again. Metaphors can speak volumes to me, too. Your stories, metaphors, and specific way of utilizing slogans, steps and your E/S/H are often very, very helpful to me. Thanks for being you on our board. Glad to be part of our recovery family in MIP.
I guess however a person does it and then it works is how the process is supposed to be. Metaphors for me are about "real" things in my life that I have experienced and can convert to be helpful in something totally unrelated to how I first became familiar with it. The visualization of using my wire snips to cut the connection also became more simple when I started visualizing using a common wall switch that could turn off the problem that somehow got turned on. I've used the light switch anology for when my thoughts just swirl on a power of their own and won't stop until I reach in and flip the switch to off and it all goes to dark..nothing. My body, mind, emotions and spirit will change when I present them with a different picture than what they are having trouble with. Thanks for the responses. (((hugs)))
(I'm also doing a science degree and earn my own money, I'm not a total flake). (but I suck at physics and the circuit analogy doesn't work for me)