The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I called my dad tonight after my meeting. He was drunk and out somewhere. It sounded way to loud to be a bar. Almost like he was at a store or a mall or something. This was around 9:30pm. Either way that is here nor there.
He said he's talking to his work tomorrow and that if he wants to go to a famous private rehab in our area, it will cost about $9000. He cannot afford that so will try and get his work to pay. If they don't he's going to blow the whistle on everything he knows ! (his words). That's somewhat amusing because he's nowhere near a higher up and wouldn't have any info to blow the whistle on. Even if his company does pay for this, it's not going to help him. he doesn't want sobriety, he wants a quick fix.
He's off his rocker. I am really feeling like something major is going to happen. I feel very numb. I don't know what to feel actually. He's constantly predicting his world will end and keeps bringing up suicide.
I am very grateful for where my life is and where I am. I would hate not to have him around though for some important milestones still to come.
SJ: First things first: You. I am glad to hear that you are feeling grateful for where your life is and for where you are, too. This was all due to you getting the help and support you need for you. I can understand you wanting your Dad to be there for important milestones still to come and that can very well happen or not. Either way, you will still have you. You will still have your life. You will still have Al-Anon. You will still have support.
Most importantly, you will still have your HP.
As far as your Dad is concerned. He is drunk. There's never been a time in relationship to my son when he is high or drunk that anything he says is anything but alcohol or drug induced. I've learned to let it go and put no value to it. Otherwise, I start to twist in the wind with "what ifs" and "projections" that guarantee me nothing but interior turmoil and absolutely no peace.
Back to you. Your closing slogan, One Day at a Time, is a really good slogan you have chosen to chew on now. You keep working an awesome program, SJ. That gives me hope for you.
(((SJ)))...I know where he's at...been there myself...under the influence of a chemical that owned me when I really wanted to be in control and not and having the negative consequences which brought other people into my life taking even more power away from me which caused me to be very afraid which was a further downer for me and caused me to raise that false bravado which I knew wasn't crap for the mess I had put myself into. I was very near my bottom and didn't know what that was yet nor did I know what and who my Higher Power and was upto as my Higher Power stalked me just inches away from where your Dad is right now. Suicide was a solution...again. I messed up the first two attempts (God I mess that up also) and was ready for the third which was a successful suicide for me finally. Yep I guess this sounds crazy to you and others as it has sounded before when I use to expose the idea to others. I was done and ready and at that point HP opened the door of recovery up to me getting me in contact with the right people at the right time in the right places and for the second time I find myself in an Al-Anon meeting on this time there is no fight left in me at all. It's over my life is done and the successful suicide begins...the one that happens where you don't end you life, you end how you're living it. Successful suicide...That life is done, over and I'm left with a life I wouldn't give up for any reason today. I pray it begins for your father...it can happen. Stay on your journey and let him watch recovery. Keep coming back (((((Hugs)))))
Hi Jim
You sound calmer, good job. I've been there too, with my husband, listening to his delusional talk, and thinking, 'he has really lost it'. I've come to realize that if I keep leaning on my higher power, and keep the focus on what I can control, my HP will take care of things, just as they need to be. It is hard for me to have such trust and faith. growing up with an alcoholic father didn't make me the most trusting person, but with the help of this program, it is getting easier. Keep up the good work. Hugs.
Slogan Jim-Sincere empathy for your situation with your dad. My dad died over 30 years ago. He was a workaholic. He had a mild heart attack. When he was supposed to be resting he was driving the car and painting the house. His doctor advised him NOT to go on a vacation to Spain which he had planned. Of course he went to get some educational credits. He took the month long trip and when he returned, he dropped dead from his second heart attack. We might have had him for another 10-20 years but his sickness and his choices prevented that. I will just hope HP can give you strength and guidance, Lyne
