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Hi Deacon I too arrived at the doors of alanon very angry with the world, how it worked, the cruelty, the unfairness of it all and had decided to abandon any form of religion. Alanon 3rd and 11th steps cleanly state that we have our own concept of our Higher Power. Since I could not envision the formal God of my religion, I choose to use the alanon principles and rooms as my Higher Power. That worked!! I could see how much better I felt after attending meetings and how my life improved when using the tools so, for me, Alanon tools and principles were my Higher Power for an Number of years. I thought of it as Good Orderly Direction.
Since then I have developed another HP in addition to the rooms.
Please keep coming back and keep an open mind.
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-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 26th of August 2013 10:31:21 AM
I used to believe in God, I attended church for a large part of my life and then I took a look at the world. At all the cruelty done in the name of religion. At all the ignorance and bigotry in my own church while they talked 'the talk'. And I have prayed and prayed so long and hard for the last several years to no avail and with no release- I just no longer believe in a HP. I believe in The Golden Rule and have always lived my life with that in mind. So I am envying those who do believe that a HP will work in people's lives to change them. The al anon group I been going to make a point of saying that this is an impartial group but they all are strong church goers and it kind of leaks through and sets up a kind of barrier in my mind between them and I. They are a wonderful and caring bunch of people and I wish I could believe as they do but I just can't. So is al anon the place for me to be or is there somewhere else I should go?
That is a question that only you can answer and it sounds like you have much experience in wrestling with things that don't make sense. I, too, see the cruelty and pain inflicted on others in the name of religion and it makes me sick. I once heard from a friend of mom whose teenage son made his higher power the group of drunks in his AA group...sounded good to me. Whatever works! In your group, perhaps you could be more with the wonderful and caring among your members and see what happens. In al anon, we say, take what you like and leave the rest
I've learned that when I don't like my image of an HP, I fire that one and find another - and sometimes that image of an HP has been a kindly grandmother who pats the soft comforter on her large bed and invites me to sit next to her and lean against white fluffy pillows on her four poster bed. I can believe in that image of an HP until I need another.
I was very, very angry at one time in my life and uttered a very angry, bitter prayer to the God of my understanding at that time. When I finished the psalm of bitterness, the room where I prayed it was utterly silent. Sheer curtains blew at the window where I lie on my back - utterly spent inside. Glass chimes at my window moved with a beautiful tinkling sound. Sun shone brightly through the dirty plate glass window in my townhouse in a low-income project. Suddenly, a new understanding of my HP broke through my old understanding of God. It fed me. My life changed because my image of HP had been changed. All it took was a fervent prayer of bitterness that was all true - not pious piffle - from me. Not saying it will work for you. It did work for me.
There have been a number of posts on this subject and it has sparked many to express how just about all of us have a different HP. Not sure if you know how to use the search option here, but it would be great reading for you. Most al-anoners have so much in common, I was told not to try to find the differences to separate myself, but to embrace the similarities. I have God, but mine is even different then my sponsors she has a woman who is Mother Earth. It sounds like you qualify and so you can choose any HP there is so many things in my life that are bigger then me that I can't control it could be any number of those. This is not a religious group. Keep coming back, it works when you work it and you are worth it!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Part of what I do is believe that I am not a HP. Believing for me is a behavior word...not just a thinking word. I know that I can look around at all of the negative stuff in my world, like I did this morning and wanna lay it on some one, some thing, so that I can explain it and then the explanation for it really is self centeredness...people wanting life their way regardless of the cost to others. Don't I often want my life my way so bad I don't care how it comes to me? My HP makes demands of me also and sometimes I wonder how HP feels and reacts when HP doesn't get HP's way. I understand your path to this point because it is also mine alot and I have personal evidence of it (the actions of religious organizations to get their self centered way and the contradictions) and are they not all people just like me and you? My HP exists inspite of all of this because I'm still here and I still know who is who. You've done what you have had to do to reach this point...good job and then does that mean that HP has abandoned you or are you just tired? I was just tired and stopped looking until one night I didn't ask for help and was abided with and got help anyway. I knew what and who it was because there wasn't a human around who could of would do for me what I couldn't do for myself. That's what I do. In the morning I take HP for granted. I just ask...Place me where you want me then tell me what to do. HP already knows what I need....((((hugs))))
For me it started with saying that I don't know what's out there. I was so bent on saying that I JUST KNEW there was nothing! But how could I know or anyone else really know? So saying I don't know allowed me to acknowledge that I'm not always right, I could be wrong on this, doesn't mean other are right, but they get to believe what they want, and I get to believe what I want to. If I expect them to be okay with me not believing in any form of religion, then I have to be okay with allowing them to believe what they want to without spending (wasting) a lot of time judging them as I had been doing.
Being SO SURE there was just 'nothing' was kind of arrogant. Coming into the program with more humble thoughts like "I don't know" worked for me, and since then, I have come to develop a relationship with a Higher power that works for me wonderfully. I still do not attend any sort of church, but I feel very connected to the power of the universe and the spirit of the world. I hope you will keep an open mind and continue reaching out and asking questions like this. It helps you, and helps us too : ) Don't give up on you!
I just wanted to add that organized religion has nothing to do with Spirituality and Alanon is a spiritual program.
Yes there is evil in the world and free will also, but there is good too. Positive cannot exist without negative.
Man has choices and responsibility for those choices. I don't believe you have to believe in God to be a moral person.
You can only live by example, like a domino effect, people will eventually follow good is my belief.
I can't even explain my HP without getting into my beliefs of being a Buddhist. with that being said , I will just say, my hp is like an electrical current.
Yes Alanon has a lot of church going traditional believers, but look at me, I'm not traditional and I still get the program which has added much to my life and I have benefited so much while still having the A in my life.
It takes time to see it all come together, but it will, you will find a place for your HP.
Hi Deacon, I am not very religious either. Turned off religion from a young age. For me my higher power is nature or the knowledge that I am only a tiny speck on this earth and I don't have the knowledge or power to change another human being. I believe everything works out just as it should for reasons beyond my comprehension. That for me is my higher power. Some people might call this GOD. This 'coming to believe' offered me so much relief. I am free to let others live their own life whatever happens and I am free to live mines. Keep at it. This program is spiritual rather than religious. If there is something you dont quite like then leave it and focus on the rest.x
I walked away from organized religion b/c I saw NOTHING about HP/aka God/Higher Power/Jesus/whatever you want to call the universal creator....
I walked away and havn't looked back......I see man and his control...big business....people judging the ones less fortunate....shunning folks who are poor and struggling.....turning their backs on anyone who doesn't "fit" in their circle.......It was disgusting.....so the church is not for me
as to God/Higher Power??? To me I struggle with agnosticism re:;; how involved God is in my life...NOT that he/she is THERE....and I do buy into Jesus,however I think God/Jesus/Creator is involved more in the spirit realm rather then the physical realm...like HP is hands off re: physical or worldly issues....
The cruelty you describe is man doing things against man....we are here under choice and free will.....man is free to do the atrocities that he does...and sadly God gets blamed (I am guilty of this big time) for MANS evil on MAN...
b/c God is hands off, free willl and choice
the most profound demonstration of HP's love has been RIGHT HERE in this 12 steps recovery program....yea, I have had some bad folks come at me, but that is the human condition....for the MOSt part, I see love, acceptance, and non judgemental action here.....
the program's 12 steps and principles and its slogans all are indicative of a Higher Power to me......As betty said, I agree with Betty....this program, working it, I see more evidence of HP then anywhere else.....
I struggle a lot w/ the "how can HP allow this cruelty to go on, unpunished??" but then I check myself and realize that universal energy and power are exact and accurate....I call it karma....what we sow we really do reap, but maybe not in our time but what we do/give to other living beings, we get back to us ten fold.......So if one does me a bad turn and I cannot get justice, I just turn them over, after I feel the anger and feelings, I come to the place where I can turn them over to their HP for the lessons they need to learn
I think God gets blamed for a lot of stuff that falls under the free will and choice covenant he/she made w/the world ....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
