The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've read and re-read that thread and it, the responses are confidence builders. Some of the responses are so very near what and how I learned in program and others are changes in perception while I'm looking at the same picture...different angle. My wise elder Sponsor use to work that one with me alot.
A different persective on powerlessness is the angle of being a program member listening to others share their new found solutions to my old problem and me wanting what they have arrived at. God I was sooooo hungry for new perspectives. I use to be a pest when someone's share turned the light on in me and caused me to understand that my life also would change if "I got it" and then practiced it too. I would follow members out of meetings to their cars looking for more one on one time and a clarification.
I learned it was not only what was shared and how it was shared that caused me to want to follow the change. They had the power because they gave the share with confidence and a difference in thought, feeling, spirit and emotions which is what I needed so much and they were enjoying different outcomes which I also needed badly.
When the fellowship shared their new experiences and consequences...they owned me in the same power as the disease did going the other way. The power was in the shared experiences and loss of hopelessness was in the promise that I could have/get what they did. Since there wasn't much human difference between them and me the thoughts that "I could do this also" erased my helplessness.
I am skilled today because of the program at finding different perspectives from within every picture I look at and if I am willings I arrive and stay on the perspectives which heal me, mind...body...spirit and emotions. (((((hugs)))))
I look at the people who are happy, joyful and as free as one can be w/our limitations and I want to know what they are doing to be that way....what do I need to add to my program to be like them??? or stop doing so I can Not copy them, or be them, but to have the happiness, freedom, peace that they do in MY life and MY situations w/out changing who I am , just modifying or adding and practicing or dumping characteristics that no longer serve me....
Case in point...I was really struggling with the forgiveness thingy, until a very sweet, doing good in their program soul on this board pm'd me with their research on the forgivenss, vs, letting go, vs pardon, et al and it was a treasure of a post
It took a lot of pressure off me.....I have come to my own conclusion, like my older adopted sister told me..."4giveness is waaaay overrated....some S**t is just never forgiveable, but it behooves you to come to a place to let it go" I believed that....But I needed a recovery /program slant on it as well and out of the blue, here comes this wonderful, generous soul typing me this wonderful, easy to understand post on my pm, explaining me the different components that were or were related to or alternatives to 4giveness
I know I am going waaay off topic here, but bottom line, I like to hear from the ones who seem to be progressing better than I am in certain departments......hope this post made sense....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I like to hear different perspectives, too. In thinking about hopelessness vs powerlessness...I thought it was about choices, but it is more. When I felt (and still feel at times) hopeless, I knew I had choices, but I did not have the strength or power to act on them and I didn't know I didn't have the strength or power to act on them. When I learned to surrender to my HP, surrender to the wisdom of the elders and wisers in my al anon groups, the wisdom of my sponsor, the al anon process, and acknowledge my powerlessness to control others and that I could not act effectively on my behalf as a lone ranger, I learned what true power was. Do I still struggle? Yes I do. Every day I struggle with my will and every day I surrender and acknowledge my powerless over something and I am grateful I can.
Read a book once, (imagine that) called, Mr. God, This is Anna - sweet sad story - one part had the main character of the story (a little girl) looking at what happens when you put two mirrors together, how many views of the same thing you can create and coming to the conclusion that we (humans) have many points of view while the God in the story had many points TO view. I am learning as I age to try to get the behind the scenes info because not all is as it may seem and even if it is, the most important element isn't visible, the why. I abhor being put in a box yet find myself, as all of us do I suppose, putting others in boxes - principal, preacher, store clerk, without seeing them as fully human beings with as wide a range of emotions and intellect as I have; everybody has their reasons for doing exactly what they do, everybody has their own personal perspective on the world and how to get through it.
Hopelessness - hmmm, I love the story of Pandora's Box - how after all the bad things came out of the box, they look inside and see the little white flutter of hope begin to fly away. While typing this I pondered if hope was an emotion and looked it up, here's one answer I found, thank you Yahoo Answers:
"Hope can be defined as the expectation of a future positive or constructive event. An emotion is a neurological response to sensory input to produce usually a fight or flight response in dealing with an event. So a hope is a kind of pre-emotional condition. Hope is really an intellectual running of "What if" scenarios. Certain kinds of hopes may evoke an emotional response."
Hope is what kept me trying with the A for as long as I did, hope that it would get better; I think of myself as having that little white flutter of hope down inside me.
Helplessness - no joke but the internet sure does help in this arena - looking for how to fix something if it can be fixed, finding the answers and knowing if you can do something about it, really strengthens me.
Powerless - as has been said by others (and myself previously) - understanding when I'm powerless is really pretty liberating. I can't do anything about this, I've got to give it to someone else.
Perhaps the most important thing I'm learning to do is to stop and identify the hopeless, helpless, or powerless moments - name them out loud, ask myself - am I helpless? Am I powerless? Maybe the three words go hand in hand down a road that could lead to despair. I feel hopeless because I am so helpless and I'm powerless to help myself, (hmmm, are powerless and helpless two sides of the same coin maybe?).
Thanks Jerry, for something to think about!
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Thanks Jerry - me too! I still follow people to their car sometimes... not as much as I did... I've always had you guys at home and on my phone and ipad - I'm never alone. Literally! Thanks MIP!
