The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm just new on here today, and have a lot to say.... SORRY everybody, I haven't had anybody to talk to, and also reading a lot of your posts, a few thoughts have been sparked. One thing I really need to do, is stop being mad and bitter. I have gotten to the place that I will seldom even look at my AH, I talk as little as possible. I just can't stand the site of him. I have horrible resentment for what he has done to this marriage and me.I realize all this mad sometimes carrys over into the rest of my life. And it is unhealthy and I need to LET IT GO. In truth I am mad at myself too, for #1 marring an alkie, yes he was one when we were married.....#2 putting up with all the crap and neglect all these years.
They say you marry your dad, and I sure did. My dad was a raving alkie, and I hated him most of my childhood, and then I went out and married one. However when we were married he wasn't mean and neglectful. He was a fun party guy. Yeah well the fun party guy morphed into a real s.o.b.
Yep...After marrying the SECOND alkie, I dragged myself into recovery....swore off ALL boy-girl relationships until I met and fell in love with me....
I came here...bitter....pissed at the world....hated everything....anger that had a color..it was so bad
I got into the meetings...1 a day for at least 6 months (I was real sick) I got a sponsor, I got tons of books on alanon literature, and yea, some non conference approved, but the STEPS were the biggie for me....workbooks, worksheets I found on line re: the 12 steps and I worked them...I was gonna find out who I was and why I did such and such and how I "ticked" what caused me to do stuff that was not in my best interest from bad relationships, to crappy jobs, and it was a pattern of my low self esteem, my lack of self love, and my thinking I did not deserve anything better...., oh yea, I tore into this program b/c I was SICK of being SICK ....TIRED of being unhappy.....Sick of the same rounds and rounds of misery.....so I was determined to break these patterns...
You say you married your dad...I married my mother...Funny, I look back at it and yea, I married drunks...emotionally unavailable people...abandoning people....people who were mean to me.....I married "her" thinking "this time I will get it right"...oh yea.........my sire was a monster..I won't go into him, but her?? oh yea...my AH #1 especially reminded me of HER....
I am getting to know me...to respect me....to even like me.....I don't love me all the way, but its coming...I can see it on the horizon.....one day at a time...it is doable and I am here for life (program) and my goal is to really really love me so I can share that self love with HEALTHY and SAFE others......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Great awareness The anger only hurts us and it is important to let it go and move forward.
Attending alanon Face to Face Meetings, using the tools, keeping the focus on yourself and working the Steps will help to release the anger and replace it with serenity, courage, and wisdom.
I like the fact I didn't get here over night and I don't have to just get better because I think I need to immediately either. So I have learned through face 2 face meetings and these boards as well as many other tools I have found that I don't have to beat myself up for the would have, could have, should have's .. I can just focus on what I can do today. Today in this moment I just have to try to focus on what is good and learning to let the other stuff go.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
The anger is the killer for me too. Different situation, same premise. I think my anger comes from feeling powerless, and fearful. I finally went online and looked up alanon meetings and have decided its time to get involved in my recovery. I have read a lot of wonderful posts and now believe that I need the program, and that it really works....if I work it!
Keep posting, keep talking, keep listening. The people here understand and care.
__________________
More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
islandtime, I so relate to that.
I have been very angry too just lately, finding it hard too look at my AB and resenting the hell out of him. But just like you, I sought out a man who was just like my father (and now I feel like I hate him because he's just like my father....lol).
I think, in addition to being angry with myself, I have developed and nurtured hate and anger towards my partner because before I started to get well, it seemed like the only thing I could do to try to extinguish my feelings for him and stop the pain. I actively tried to force myself to hate him so that he couldn't hurt me anymore. And now I'm quite a mess of emotions; when he says "I love you" I just about want to claw his eyes out. (Yet I feel sad when he doesn't want to join me in bed at night). (But if he does join me in bed I lie there hating him and being cold and angry). (LOL)
I'm finding just talking about it on here and reading about other's experiences and angry feelings is quite calming and helps me put it into perspective. Thanks for sharing that; it's so helpful to know I'm not the only one that feels this way!
