I am inexplicably feeling complete and utter joy and gratitude today, and expectations of good things to come in my life.  Appreciating the sunshine, my job, my dogs, my life, my career.  It is an amazing gift from Al-Anon.  

Yes, I am still with my dry AH.  He is seeing the change in me.  HE is coming to ME wanting to talk, wanting me to tell him it will be ok or some such.  I just tell him I'm working on me and I have no answers for him right now, about our relationship.  He is confounded.  He wants to know "how long will it be like this?" (my detachment and unwillingness to engage in arguments, his negative comments, his cries for mothering, etc).  He wants everything to go back to "normal" (where I fall into the cycle and forget his most recent drinking incident ... until next time.)  This is never going to happen again.  By going to Al-Anon and continuing to go to Al-Anon I have changed the game.  I have stopped the denial.  I have made his issues real.  His anxiety is going through the roof and I feel eerily calm.  He is begging me to set him at ease.  And I am not doing it.  He needs to deal with his own stuff.

My changed perspective and focus on me is saving my life, saving my sanity.  Maybe this is my "pink cloud" but I don't care, I am going to continue to feel joyful, deserving, worthwhile, and hopeful as many moments of the day as I can.