The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
ok i am very confused again ,last week the police were at my house because of the screaming my ah sober did.lost his temper thank god i was not here i was at a meeting when the police called me. . this current week a big change for me. good and wondering whats behind the good.
past 2 days my husband has been quiet and keepig his distance from me .giving me time and space to heal. yesterday took me to buy me a NEW CAR !!! yes i needed one not right now where things are stil shaky. buying me special treats that he didnt even do in the middle of his recovery. working around the house doing things with out asking. yes this is nice and this is good but why!!!!! the dramtic change! puts me on the edge. is this something that happens over night from kaos to complete out of the ordienary. . these items he buying me and the new car and color he picked out for me and the signing the car under his name. is this a new form of controlling and manipulating? this is confusing me not sure what to exspect. i am drateful but i want the intentions to be right not to hold me in a different way of control.
i am going to my meeting tonight and it is sunday and he is on turbo speed right now i hope tonight will be peacful while i am gone.
Ms,
Don't try to analyze it. We can live under the same roof with our spouses or family members and not know whats going on with them or their motives. Not everything they do has do do with you.
Perhaps he is really having a sobering moment, He is trying to make amends in his own way. Accept it. Whatelse can you do?
We have to reinforce the good behavior and have boundaries with the bad behavior.
Just because an A says he is in recovery and not drinking is sometimes not necessarily true, his little confrontation with the police gave him a sobering moment.
Just continue to do what your doing, go to your meetings, stay balanced, don't react to him. Keep working on you.
Sis (((MsC))) it means that your program for change is working and he is afraid. He didn't cause it, He cannot control it and will not cure it. It means that what you are doing for you is working. Is it manipulative...yeah it is and you know it and he doesn't on your level...he is scrambling to get the old you back...the you he is use to, the one he can win a bit from. I love when I read examples of the program working...Keep on keeping on in your early recovery. He gives you nice stuff...say thank you...give him a hug...move on. Yay!! It works when you work it...make sure your motives stay right on. ((((hugs)))) Thanks for sharing this.
Jerry I think you are right.. The gifts stop comming and the evil eye came back, he said it was ok for me to go on this one social sight that I was able to chit chat to ppl because I have no friends.. He new how much I liked this certain sight , it's all about ppl asking general questions all in good fun, well I became a popular girl on there to many ppl liked me . During his own inventories he did everything to bring me down to make himself look better.. To bring it up to the present day, yes I able to go back on this sight. My ah been very quiet past 2 days almost dormet , which silence to me is scary and leaves my head open for the what if growing up in a abusive controlling home not a alcoholic home so there is a difference , I new to stay out of harms way I new to be quiet and watch back and the front , well since he been quiet I have some one from the past enter my not so wonderful world right now.. Trying to ask me odd questions and focus on my ah ..I realized fast this time that my ah seams to follow a pattern to try to trap me into something to say hey you haven't changed!! My point is that the big ticket iteams and small gifts stopped ASAP and a new problem showed up, he back to or never left his insecurity now I have him setting me up a gain . That's my only point was calm before the storm but thanks to my high power and the al Alon tools I'm able to get the heck out of the storm and keep on track and not let his cruel ways harm me and my progress. Every evil eye or question or twitch only makes me smile back at him and say hey how are you today.. But that can only work for so long . Sorry for the babel but needed to update about the quick change
Yes, the lightening fast mood changes can be disconcerting. I am glad you are conscious and aware. Keeping the focus on yourself, acting in your own best interest and not REActing will go a long way in your daily effort to live with courage, serenity and wisdom. It is wonderful to read how you implemented the tool of detachment as well
Well I can say my week changes every week. I'm so glad hot rod and pink chip and all the others who guided me along this sick disease . I'm glad I don't need to recap my mission to recovery. As I mention about change/ last 3 days his whole demeanor has changed again , I new there would be bad days since he warned me about theses days,
I'm stuck in a middle of a hurricane and a tornado I can't stand it when he acts like this I feel like I'm being punished for his bad days of recovery. The search of the new car and the trash has started again, I have nothing to hide I done nothing wrong in my eyes and I'm feeling very uncomfortable and confused
