The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I can't take anymore. Do I have to take abuse? What do you do when you work and make too much for help, yet not enough to even pay house and ulities. I have serious health issues too. I'm 3 years from retirement and I have to keep my health insurance? I have faith in God but I have to be realistic too.
No. We never have to take abuse. I don't know enough of your situation to share much, but I do want you to know that I totally understand that fear of not being able to pay the mortgage or the utilities. Would it be reasonable and do-able for you to sell your current home to get out from under what is a major expense and maybe a major drain on you? The fear alone can make medical issues more serious for you. The serenity prayer can help you look at your situation through eyes that notice your part and God's part in the circumstances of your life. Al-Anon if you attend, should also be able to provide you with some comfort, support and new tools from dealing with your current stress load. Much support being sent your way. Does it ever end? Well, if you can sleep peaceful in the knowledge that your HP has your back, doesn't it end there? Following the guidance of HALT - Don't get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired can also help relieve stress so that the frontal lobes of your brain have a chance for new insights and ideas about what to do in your situation to formulate and make themselves known to you for action. Let go/Let God.
I am so very sorry that this dreadful disease is causing you so much pain and sadness. I do hope you have a found an alanon Face to Face meeting in your community and are attending. "NO" it is not required that you accept abuse just because you feel you are not eligible for assistance.
Please check out one of these support groups and honestly share about situation.
Battered Womens Justice Project: 1-800-903-0111. National Organization for Victims Assistance: 1-800-879-6682 National Resource Center for Domestic Violence: 1-800-537-2238 US Domestic Violence Hotline/ General Information: 1-800-799-7233
You never have to live a life of being abused in any way. There are always options and choices for you. Have you found al-anon face to face meetings? There is phone number under my log in name here to help you find the help you may need. Sending you much love and support!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I was very close to having to declare bankruptcy at the end of my relationship with my ex-A. When I reached the point you sound like you are at I was basically like "Okay, continuing on this path is going to drive me insane or kill me." At that point, I was willing to get creative and take some financial hits or even declare bankruptcy to just get the heck out. That's just where it was for me. I had to short sell 1 property. I immediately got everything out of both our names....which still didn't stop him from purposely running up a 600 dollar cellphone bill in my name before I could shut it off. Anyhow, that stuff is in the past.
My main point: An active alcoholic has zero serenity and zero ability to handle the complexities of life. In order to manage your own - they need to be as separate as possible. There wasn't a way he could abuse my finances, my place of living, my sleep...whatever when I had my own place to go and when I had my own finances. In my case, I split from him but I'm not saying you have to do that...Just draw boundaries for your safety, sanity, and serenity.
I think I endured some amount of emotional abuse but it was really just a toxic relationship all around. Now if you are really being emotionally, mentally, or physically abused, I suggest highly calling one of those numbers Hotrod Betty provided. My life instantly got lots better when I started reaching out for help and accepting its.
Wings of a dove ( I love this name and it tells me something about you), if you are asking this question, I wonder if you have the belief from somewhere (upbringing, religion?) that you do. We were not created to be abused or used...and I say this as I also need to hear it. Fast forward your life and ask yourself "do I like what I see if nothing changes"? If the answer is no, then it is up to you and your HP to begin co-creating a different life, one baby step at a time. For many, that included their first al anon meeting. You can regain your self esteem and strength to make the changes, slowly, that you need to make to transform your life. You may feel like a victim, and perhaps you are being victimized; you can change this. I was so broken an tired before when I stepped into al anon, and I had been a strong woman when I was young. I regained my strength and my voice and you can too, but it cannot be based on someone else making the changes you believe they need to make to make you safe and secure. Come on aboard (((hugs)))
