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Thank you fro such a powerful post filled with humility and wisdom . My growth was also stunted when I arrived in t he rooms at the age of 40. Natutrally, I did not know that and thought I knew everything, and that what I wanted I certainly needed What growing up I had to do as well!!! I, like yourself am so grateful that we both have a safe place to grow surrounded by "Family " that truly understands.
In my thoughts
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 16th of August 2013 10:10:52 AM
Boy am I a slow learner and a fast forgetter! I have had a couple of humbling lessons in the God of my understanding giving me what I need vs what I want .. that's ok. I'm having a clearer picture that the Pushka plan isn't what it needs to be .. I don't necessarily like it .. I do have to come to accept it's not my will be done.
I am experiencing great relief and peace at the moment. Hoping that we are coming to an end for the divorce, I have been praying for closure for weeks and maybe that is why it's been so hard .. the God of my understanding is just lining things up and it's been a lot of discomfort for me. It's coming .. I hope sooner than later .. I do have a feeling that the closure will mean a dip into the bottom for him. It doesn't matter, I feel such pity .. not love for him. I'm not that evolved yet .. some day just not today. I can only hope that the God of my understanding will protect the kids and I. I will soar and the God of my understanding will carry me forward with the kids in my tailwinds. I am grateful .. good grief am I grateful for so very much.
Part of my program is learning how to be an adult and I do mean really be an adult, .. things I should have learned so many years ago the lessons were skipped and I feel developmentally stunted at times going ohh .. hmm .. didn't know that .. LOL!
It doesn't make it easy. I hate being my age falling down over and over with lessons I think .. good grief I still haven't learned that or what do you mean I should know how to do .. fill in the blank. I am learning and sometimes with the growth comes some painful awareness.
Anyway, thanks for letting me share .. hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I too have felt stunted and have had to humble myself and take on some later in life learning lessons that have been uncomfortable and hard. I am glad to read you are accepting life on lifes terms and keeping your head up through it. You work a great program! In support always!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Pushka: Loved your share. Honest, forthright, and real. I fall down daily. Picking myself back up and trying again, like you are doing, is the most important thing. (((P)))
Part of my program is learning how to be an adult and I do mean really be an adult, .. things I should have learned so many years ago the lessons were skipped and I feel developmentally stunted at times going ohh .. hmm .. didn't know that .. LOL!
Pushka...That's a magic share for me...I get the magic of the program when it is worked. I read your share and think...now it's fun going to school!! Yay!! Learning how to grow up is huge fun. (((((hugs)))))
Yes in reality - you need very little. You need your HP and your life and with that combo, all things are possible. With that alone, the serenity prayer can work for you and you will know peace.\
I can identify with what you wrote about having to be an adult - I still have moments where I feel all baffled and discombobulated and I want to yell "HELP! I NEED AN ADULT!" Then I look around and am like "Oh crap! I am the adult now. @#$#&*!
Having another "adult" around seems to lessen the pressure. Even when that other adult acts even more like a big child (as in the case of an alcoholic) you at least have the option of maybe thinking "Oh...well he can handle that part" or "We can handle....blah blah" or the last ditch excuse which is "Well I would be able to handle things more maturely if not for him."
No more excuses right? I've been told that freedom is great but it comes with a price: responsibility. sigh.
I can't remember the story exactly .. it was actually featured in veggie tales its a true story about a man of God who ran an orphanage and never asked for money. He and staff and children would pray for what they needed such as Lord, we trust you will provide enough for tomorrow .. thank you for what you provided today. I wish I could remember the man's name. Yes, my life is a Disney movie as one friend was frustrated with me. Lol. Anyway, it's not that I'm relying on others completely .. its that I'm doing my part and the God of my understanding is filling in the blanks. I know when that is happening and when I'm falling down. Sometimes it is other people sometimes it's random sometimes it's the system. I'm really just trying to live in gratitude and stay in a place of complete faith and trust of God's plan for me and the kids. My part in all of this is learning the true meaning to me of what being an adult is ... interestingly enough the kids have a better concept than I do. We are always talking about personal responsibility and accepting the consequences good or bad of the choices we make. Things don't happen by accident. I mean that in terms of there were decisions and choices made that cause the outcome. Oops .. I'm being long winded lol. My son and I had an interesting conversation about feeling powerless in choices .. I sooo get how he feels. Wanting to be heard in the stampede of grownups who are wounded, not behaving as grownups and doing the best they can .. well I speak for myself .. stbax is an ass (program just went flying lol). It's an awful feeling not to be heard as a child. I'm grateful he feels safe enough to say that to me and know I hear him.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
George Muller is the man I was thinking of he lived in 1800's and really had the gift of faith. I can't start a new post I may tomorrow internet still having issues. I'm beyond speechless at the moment .. stbax has been admitted to the hospital I'm thinking psych ward if I need to know derails God will show me. The police called my cell phone 1015 pm .. looking for him. I'm thinking WTF. Me going are you aware that I have an OP out on him? Ohhh no ma'am this is the number as his contact. Again me going WTF!? Ok God I need to know this information. He's a self fulfilling prophecy. It's sooo sad to witness his demise. I feel cold in saying not my issue ... it's just not. Please pray this means my divorce will be finalized sooner than later.
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
What growing up I had to do as well!!! I, like yourself am so grateful that we both have a safe place to grow surrounded by "Family " that truly understands.