The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm with you on all that, David. Each of our groups have held group conscience meetings on these kinds of issues. One of our groups is so large that you have to arrive 20 to 30 minutes early to find a seat that isn't smashed against a wall behind another row of seats at a table. For some reason - most of our big groups won't agree to break out. I do think that limits sharing because most of us who are conscious of time will pass as we go around the room to give everybody a chance to speak which of course isn't going to happen in an hour with some members who aren't yet conscious of time perpetually going beyond the time limit. In order to keep peace within myself, I learned to trust that if my group held the conscience meeting and ruled against break outs into other rooms when the main group reached a fairly high number than it was my HP's will for our group and that doesn't mean I don't disagree with HP on this at times. :^)
The one thing I do respectfully disagree with you on though is inviting a newly recovering A into an Al-Anon meeting. My experience in groups has been a lot of hostility exchanged when that happens. Al-Anon folks brand new to the program shut down a lot when a newly recovering A joins the group. They haven't had enough time to absorb the program to cope. It has also been my experience that not so newly recovering As - when they join Al-Anon f2f meetings get angry with us Al-Anonics because we don't run the meetings the same as in AA. It takes them time to get used to the differences and to relax with the commonality. They tend to refer to the Big Book, but in Al-Anon meetings we don't use it, so that creates some tension, too. We've had several incoming AA folks who demand things be as they're used to them being in AA and that scares the newly recovering Al-Anonics unless we have strong chairs and seasoned Al-Anon people who can help the As adjust to us and help the newly recovering in Al-Anon feel safe.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 15th of August 2013 10:39:34 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 15th of August 2013 10:49:03 PM
Dear David Thanks for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences. I too prefer smaller meetings and believe that we should all share our heart at each meeting. I agree recovery is in the Steps and meetings that focus on the Steps really promote my recovery.
Living in a big City I have the opportunity to attend many different meetings. My home Group is a Step meeting , with about 20 members each week. It runs for one and a half hour each week, and everyone shares. We start around the room and if everyone has not shared by the time the meeting is scheduled to end- we extend the meeting for 10 or so minutes to accommodate this.
We addresss the issue of duel membership in other programs by asking, at the beginning of the meeting that members of other 12 Step Groups refrain from mentioning that membership and keep their share on the alanon focus. This seems to work perfectly
.
Glad you are here.
-- Edited by hotrod on Thursday 15th of August 2013 10:44:16 PM
I was at an AA open meeting a month or two ago. After the meeting I was talking to a younger member. She said that when she got a few things sorted out in AA she would like to come along to Alanon.
I turned to her, and smiled. I said, as far as I was concerned, if you are sober on the day, you are welcome.
It is maybe easy for me to say that. I live in a town of 4,000. Its still easy to manage. We are not all that anonymous outside of the meeting.
In my middle years in Alanon each member got to share around once a month. We got to be coasting a bit so if one member had a crisis and needed 40 minutes they sometimes got that time. Sometimes it was easier to get that person past that point.
Today, it seems, anyone who wants to share get to. That means sharing time might be shorter.
Because of my years in Alanon I began to think I could wait, if there was pressure on time at a meeting. I read a reading recently that said the opposite. That hearing the voices of all members is very important, both new, and old.
I tend to agree with this.
I have learned to value each members opinions, and ESH. Nowadays I have learned to pause, and gather my thoughts before speaking.
I learned my discipline in Alanon.
I sometimes think that groups should be smaller. If our group get to about 10 or 12 members it might be time to have two meetings a week. After all, the room rental costs very little.
Ok, so I suppose this is 'my thread' and my call to a certain extent. Its Friday afternoon here (with the first glimmer of spring). Its possible there will be more postings as the world turns round and the sun shines in the North.
I am already learning a lot.... For me this was not venting, but ventilating- opening the windows and letting air in. I have learned to respect deeply the thoughts and opinions of others, especially inside of Alanon.
There is a special bond, and a special link- if others knew about it I am sure they would hanker for it.
Its a treasure I will hold in my heart for the rest of my days.
David, You are fresh air for me. I enjoy smaller meetings, too, and have appreciated having seasoned AA members in groups. I have not had the experience of having newbie AA members in any of the groups I have attended, so I cannot address their presence in an al anon group. I can see where a newbie AA person may be a bit intimidating to new and tender al anoners. Us oldies might enjoy their perspectives and could hold to the al anon ways of being in a meeting. Guess one could try it out and see how it goes? We recently had a post regarding disruptive individuals in a meeting, and, what I collectively heard was "hold a seat for them"...perhaps this holds true here, as well??
Once again, thanks for your support Betty, and your support for all of us...
Online we have this luxury- no need to snap back a quick answer, something we cannot retrieve.
I was able to sleep on this response- and give it some reflexion .. So I am responding to you, Grateful, and Paula, with thanks. I am moving beyond global statements like 'life sucks' and 'I am not worth loving'. I got to believe that because of an illness.
And I am joining a growing company of women, and men, with whom I have a special bond. A bond of comfort, and courage. I am expected to talk about myself, at a meeting. This doesn't always happen according to plan, its just a goal. The same if i talk about my group. it is my lifeline. It is a bastion of trust. I take things outside of the group only if needed, and with extreme care.
We did have double winners coming into out Alanon group. As a longtimer I found this a challenge. I was happy to have them- totally, but it challenged me. I don't know where the line is between Alanon and AA. But I read a reading in 'Hope For Today' about staying true to Alanon.
I was not being picky about little details. The use of expressions and sayings. But really giving members what they came for. I cannot give details of course. But I leaned on this MIP forum for support. It was a lifeline.
I don't get rules like 'do this', 'do that', but a broad view of what other Alanon people are doing and thinking. This is a great resource. Different groups have different issues at different times. Like ourselves as individuals we end up on our own sometimes. For me this is healthy, for a short while. But the rooms give me something else- and our Higher Power something more.
I am a group rep and have direct access to our assembly. In our part of the world Alanon is struggling a bit. But there are younger members filling the gaps and we are growing slowly. For me growth begins with personal recovery. Dealing with group issues outside of the group is a delicate balance. But it is an essential way of building our movement- and ensuring that the hand of Alanon is always there.
I was at an AA open meeting and showed support to a younger member for a reason. Because I am 100% behind what AA does, and I understand the illness. Well I am still learning... And I openly endorse people in recovery.
I wanted to show that my stand in our Alanon group was not about that. Not at all. For me the door is open for all who qualify. For me my own family was blighted with alcoholism. In Alanon, inside of Alanon it is awesome,with our own experience strength and hope. We have so much to offer, to ourselves and others... ... for many people,it is life itself...
You've given a lot of thought to this, David. I so appreciate the honest compassion and care you share here and with others in your area and in your groups from what you've posted. I really enjoyed listening, learning and hearing a solution for our groups that we haven't considered that is coming from another group that has found a simple yet perfect way to keep the meetings open and still Al-Anon. If you hadn't posted this topic, I for one, would have been denied something that maybe HP wants our groups to know? I also don't think that sharing group process - not group insights, shares, persons, etc breaks anonymity although I do agree that one must weigh what is shared since this is a worldwide organization and we do want to adhere to traditions and principles. Since our magazine publishes things that are done in group process, I think what we have talked about is appropriate - and for me - a real blessing. Thank you for your thread.
I am in British Columbia , Canada . most of our meetings run between 10-15 people and we do all get to share . I have been to meetings in the US that are huge and only a few people have the opportunity to share , that would be uncomfortable for me . One of the biggest gifts of this prog for me is people listen , no one tells me what I have to say is unimportant no one interrupts or cross talks I have always appreciated the respect we show each other in just listening . We remind people that the meeting is for everyone so please keep your sharring on topic . There are 8 meetings a week that I can attend in my area so I am grateful that I have choices . Louise
Good to swap notes, Louise... well- a lot of people have sponsors, and different kinds of meeting meet different needs. "Its in the plan," is my motto. When I first started to share online I was angry with Alanon. Wasn't sure why. I figured that I felt that Alanon had not done enough for me!
I have found acceptance in that area of my life.
Our small town has one meeting- so things have to work here... Let go and let God... all three neighbouring towns, all three, have a small meeting about 50 mins away.
I used to go to all four at times. Now, as a long-timer, I tend to do stuff when I am called upon...
I suppose I have been through the tough grind of starting a meeting- and then keeping meetings lively, trusting and working...
...introducing -no cross talk- into the core sharing time has been great. New members coming in just accept that as a given.
Besides my own attitudes, the new vigour in our meetings gives me hope.
For me greeting time and 'coffee time' is different again... ...it evolves around our common bond. And we have all three here on the board...
I was at an AA open meeting a month or two ago. After the meeting I was talking to a younger member. She said that when she got a few things sorted out in AA she would like to come along to Alanon.
