The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
(((ILD))) Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your intentions and the reasons for taking a break from MIP. I will miss you because I have enjoyed the wisdom you share at others' threads and at mine, too. Much support for you as you do what you believe is best for you right now. Peace, friend. You've helped me deal with my own parade through the manifestations of this disease just by sharing your own walk.
PS If others get frustrated with the rate at which you are growing - that's their issue and not yours. You are a perfectly good human being who has the right to think what she thinks, feels what she feels and does what she does. That's nobody's business but yours and your HP's. We are all wounded healers on this board in varying stages of healing and nobody can decide what you could or should be doing but you. I hope you know that. We are experts only on our own lives and nobody else's in this program. (((ILD)))
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 15th of August 2013 10:08:38 AM
Hello, everyone. Just wanted to let you all know that I will not be around much. I'll probably come on and check for private messages every so often, though. I have come to realize that I'm not growing. I'm obviously not working my program very well. I'm stuck and I'm choosing to stay there because of fear and other crappy negative emotions. At this point, I have come to despise myself and I hate where I have allowed myself to sit all this time. I have loaded myself with guilt for not 'being' in the marriage. I'm confused about detaching and detaching with love because I'm not even sure I know what love really is. I've been in program for 18 months now and I am not sure I've grown at all. I recite program sayings to myself and I say the prayers, I journal, I ask God to guide me and pray fervently for His will to be done in my life and for me to be in his will, I work the steps, I go to 2-3 meetings a week, and yet I am still choosing to stay in this marriage and I make excuses for myself at every turn. Part of the program is taking responsibility for yourself and I'm not sure I'm doing that very well. Honestly, I am not being true to myself, as Debilyn has said, and it's because of fear. I sometimes feel that people get frustrated with me (not just here, LOL, but in real life too) because I just keep doing the same thing over and over again. So, obviously, my stubborn thick head is NOT getting the message. It's time for me to take a break, I'm feeling very done with trying to grow, frustrated with myself and I know it's my own fault to begin with, I'm wearing myself out and I know it.
It really sucks when you realize that you are OK being where you are, that you are comfortable with being uncomfortable, and that chaos has become your best friend. It's very obvious to me that I am staying because I am staying. That's pretty much it. I am being unfair to my husband and unfair to myself and that makes my choices selfish. Just one more character defect I get to turn over to God. And, until I deal with these things I will not have peace or serenity in my life. I am taking time off from a lot of things right now to work through my crap and in getting comfortable with sitting on the fence because I think that's where I'm staying for a bit longer, until I have the courage to make real change. Thank you all for the support and those of you who know me on FB, you guys can reach me there.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I will miss you. So what feels right for your soul. Sometimes I get stuck in the question, "is it my soul or my ego speaking to me?" It is in those quiet spaces I get my answers. When I give myself the quiet, my life unfolds just as it needs to unfold. "All is well" ILD
We will miss you ILD, but we certainly respect your decision. One of the slogans that has worked for me time and time again is, "When in doubt, don't." It's okay not to make any major decisions if you're not feeling it. ((((Hugs))))
We will all miss you but you have to do what is best for you. Thank you for all your honesty and support you shared with all of us on MIP. Wishing you strength and peace on your journey forward.
I kind of know what your saying. I have problems with my partner and I'm not going to leave....I'm scared to. But that doesn't mean I'm going to not continue to work on me and use the tools I have learn to try and keep to my side of the street. When I screw up I admit it to myself and move on. I come here everyday and learn something new to give me strength to continue on. To keep myself as happy as I can. Detaching from my son has been the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life and to leave now would be crazy. I've come a long way but I have to continue. Good or bad, mistakes or not. Not being honest with me...I have to move forward that maybe someday it will come together.
I don't need to post everyday but I do need to read. Someday I can be in a place like others here to give to others in a way I think I should. Right now I'm getting better. I think that's what the program is about.
So I will continue living with my partner, going to his side of the street sometimes but it can be a lesson and maybe just maybe that day will come and I can say nope......
Let it go and Let God...
Take care my friend .....you are not alone.
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
This whole program is a slow but sure process. I have recognized great recovery in you since you began to post here at MIP.
Please remember that change is in HP's time and not ours. We do the footwork and HP steers. You have done tremendous footwork Take care of you my friend
How can you enjoy the Moon over the Ocean if you discontinue the Journey??
I have to take issue with you, when you say you despise yourself, you really touched my heart. You can't despise yourself because you are the best thing that has hit this planet. I wont accept it. We are all perfect and are as we should be! There is no person alive that has it all together.
Take your break, but realize this could be one of those stinkin thinkin moments, Will you take that into consideration?
I wish you well, but in my heart I know you will be back And thats where it counts. Treasures of the heart. You can get this program intellectually, but its best felt thru the heart. and you have that already.
Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 16th of August 2013 12:41:11 AM
I agree with betty fully. I have noticed lots of growth. You were way more anxious and codependent at the start. Some of your realizations are true but you were also not able to take that honest a look at yourself before and that's progress too. I would urge you to stick with alanon. What would ypu tell me if I said I was gonna stop AA cuz I felt stuck? This is not that different. Go easy on yourself. Plus other people here need you.
I will miss you! And agree with others we all grow in our own time and beating yourself up will not help. I have gotten busy and came to the board less, but I always missed our MIP family and have had to come back to read even if I didn't have time to post. I have had more quiet reflective times in the face to face meetings and here and I hope you are just choosing to take a break and not leave us. Sending you love, support and prayers no matter what decide is right for you!
__________________
Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Bettina, I am not taking a break from Al Anon or working my program. Just going to not be posting here at MIP for a few months. I'm feeling at a crossroads and it's eating me up inside lately. Coming here, when I post, I feel like all I do is vent and complain and just make things worse for myself mentally. And, maybe despise was the wrong word, but I am definitely not liking myself lately. Maybe it's steps 6 and 7 here working on me, but my defects of character are constantly popping up and staring me in the face and I'm feeling beat up and I want to put my head back in the sand.
Thank you all for the support. I'll still be checking PM's and messages of FB. Love you all!
I hope you can find a way to move past your current frustrations, either by coming here, or not. I do understand your stuckness. I think a lot of us here feel stuck in some way.
Please be gentle with you. Sending prayers for wisdom, courage, and strength to find yourself in a more comfortable space- what ever that means to you.
You still need to come here because this is the place to vent so we can help. If we continue to do the same things over and over we get nowhere. Is that were you want to be? Coming here and posting might make a change just a little " One Day at a Time"
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
