Arriving home from the gym AH is on the phone with the cable company. We lost power and internet last night due to a big storm so on arriving home I learn that we still don't have internet, and the power was just restored. Apparently he has decided to call about the offer to have both cable and internet and is not trying to call about the fact that the internet is down.

He's put in a que and keeps hitting something to get back out again trying to get a person. Finally gets ahold of a live person and has a conversation about said cable internet deal. Comes to tell me that it's a b.s. deal because it's the same channels we pick up with rabbit ears.

Has a movie that needs to be returned to red box in 15 minutes, wants me to take it then wants to know if I want him to ride with me. My response was sure if you want to. AH reaction well it doesn't sound like you want me to, my response put your shirt on I'm leaving now.

My question which one do you want me to go to, because I'm familiar enough to know better than to make this choice without asking his thoughts on which one is closest. We narrow down our choices and I head that direction.

In the car on the way he starts talking about frustration over a client who last minute cancelled. He talks about wanting to put a policy in place for clients to make sure that notice is given. I try to remain as non-committal and yet supportive as possible all the while staying clear of the verbal vomit.

We arrive with 5 minutes to spare and he returns the movie. Back in the car on the way home pulling back out onto the road I make the mistake of trying to empathize over the lack of income by expressing that this is why I work for a corporation.

And I unwittingly unleashed the full furor of the attack on myself. When have I ever not worked for a corporation? Never mind that in his sober moments I have explained the job I had before my current job and how bad it was. In his mind that job was nothing and never will be as bad as what he suffers. In his mind what I said was that he should just go to work for a corporation, and that because he can't go to work for a corporation I'm saying that Im better than he is.

Meanwhile I have simply taken a step back and I'm saying right, yes, you're right, and finding every way that I can to make sure I'm leaving the rope alone. I'm doing my best to detach from the moment, and remind myself that this car ride will be over in less than 10 minutes.

As we're less than 5 minutes from home, I finally shoot up a prayer to my HP "PLEASE MAKE HIM SHUT UP and please protect me".

We arrive home, exit my car. I'm putting the keys in the door and he realizes that he needs to take a step back. He shifts gears, tells me that I've got my walls up. That he's sorry. He just needs me to listen and be compassionate sometimes. He just wants me to be nice to him ALL OF THIS is classic crazy alcoholic behavior. Shifting the blame, deflection of his actions, making it sound like I am the bad guy. If I didn't have Al-Anon I would not be able to understand this, and accept it and let it go.

Thank you for letting me share!