The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Feel very little support from friends but they all have their own ***** I suppose
9 years into watching someone really destroy themselves and watching my own drinking escalate
Watching someone's health get worse- begging , pleading, ultimatums - I am sure you have heard it all
I fear leaving ...sometimes I feel the only relief would be a gun in my mouth - but then what good would that do
he would just hurt himself
Been going through seizures and other health issues... I am not strong enough
Family just enables
I am the one that holds the ball apparently
I just cannot do it anymore
Tonight I felt unsafe - not because of violence ( thank god there never has been ) but because my well being, my sanity was threatened - and maybe my physical well being - who knows - i left the house.
I do not want to give up on this person but I feel so lost... I feel so unable to do anything
so tired - so completely tired of living itself .... so forlorn
What so I do? Afraid to leave. Afraid staying will kill me.
-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 13th of August 2013 06:19:07 AM
Hi. Angie's giving you good E/S/H. I'd like to suggest checking into the AA board, too, if your drinking is bothering you on top of the loved one's drinking. Sounds like you are really going through some tough stuff. Two places on the board and meetings will bring you a lot of support. I've felt the way you are many years ago. I'm glad I chose to live and get help. I would have missed too much otherwise. Please take care of you and let HP take care of your loved one. You're in the right place. Please keep coming back and going to meetings, too. You're worn out trying to help this person because you can't help him. You can help you. You will get your energy back and you will find yourself again and maybe a whole lot of new friends, too, who understand what you're going through.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 13th of August 2013 01:05:30 AM
I can't say I have the right words, but I could have written your very post at a point in time about 10 months ago.
Do the next RIGHT thing for YOU. It's time to save yourself and not go down with the ship. Please take only what you like and leave the rest, as there is no one right answer for every situation. I just feel your pain and know it so very intimately myself & realize these 9 months removed from a very similar set of circumstances ... I had nothing left, I was drained both emotionally & physically..BUT there was hope! I could recover. I got into meetings, I continue meetings and it isn't easy there are still bad days ... But I'm not on overload 24/7 with hours of his seizures anymore wondering if he's going to die in my arms or in front of me. You deserve better, you are worth it! You didn't cause it. You can't control it, and you can't cure it. Find your self and local Face to face alanon meeting and start attending as often as you can. Read, read, read the wisdom, strength & hope posted on this board & attend the online meeting here on the online chat forum... You can't go wrong!
My prayers got out to you tonight.. I have travel this path, we all have in some way, blessing. Keep coming back. - AP-
Dear Andrea
I understand your pain so well. I too thought maybe ending it all was the only solution, but then I found this board and face to face alanon meetings. Finally, a place where I could share my struggle and get helpful and needed support. My husband went through detox 2x and many trips to the ER. He became a person I don't know. If it weren't for the skills and tools of this program, I surely would have gone crazy. Sending you prayers and hope. You are worth it. Keep coming.
I felt that way by the end of my relationship with the ex-A. The situation was similar too as he'd started having increased medical problems. I don't think my leaving was giving up on him but rather it was believing in me. My "not giving up on him" was a big illusion anyhow as he was going to drink or not drink regardless of me. I never "gave up on him" as a person but I did give up on our relationship. Those are two different things. My codependent nature wants me to believe that a break up is totally giving up on an person and harming them. It's not. I continue to keep the ex-A in my prayers and have not given up on him that he may one day receive some sort of grace that allows him to be sober. Or if gettng sober is not in the cards for him, I pray he has as fulfilling a life regardless. I don't have all the answers for him and what his life "should" be like.
Much of the time I stayed with him even though it didn't feel right, fulfilling, or "safe" it had nothing to do with not wanting to give up on him. It had everything to do with fear of change and giving up on myself.
You have received wonderful experience here; I hope you have read through and breathed it in. We see you as your HP sees you, as a precious, radiant soul with much yet to experience and give. You are worth being in this life.....sometimes we have to let go of people and our illusions of what our life "should" be or look like. We need help, though, learning to let go and become healthy. Al anon will help if you continuing reaching. Keep coming back to this forum, and, as grateful suggested, take a look at the AA forum.
