The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am so sorry to read this new chapter. Prayers and positive thoughts on the way Please be very careful . If the neighbors have called the police when you are out it is evident that it is not your imagination .Keep sharing, attending your meetings and if possible check with one of these domestic violence hot lines:
Battered Women's Justice Project: 1-800-903-0111. National Organization for Victims Assistance: 1-800-879-6682 National Resource Center for Domestic Violence: 1-800-537-2238 US Domestic Violence Hotline/ General Information: 1-800-799-7233
You are not alone
The following are some numbers that may help:
Battered Womens Justice Project: 1-800-903-0111. National Organization for Victims Assistance: 1-800-879-6682 National Resource Center for Domestic Violence: 1-800-537-2238 US Domestic Violence Hotline/ General Information: 1-800-799-7233
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 12th of August 2013 10:23:46 AM
I'm going to try to say this the right way . I love al Alon I feel getting a little of what I need at this time to stay afloat . My ah spouse see the new healthy ways I been making and sure enough I new he would not like them. He started to make his own Boundarys for me to follow . He not liking it that I'm excited about Alon he now hates them . They are or the meetings are now takings time away from him . The same pattern of manipulate and controlling is back . I went to my meeting tonight only to get a call of child crying to come home because there dad was screaming and swearing at them. He does this every time I go to a meeting since he moved him self back in the house .., the relaxed house is becoming stressed again. For what I here . From kids that they were fighting over silly things. There dad was enjoying his camp fire while watching the active alcoholics drink . I find that this is a sore spot for him but I can't do anything about it. So ah 9 months who stated he healthy and got his program on the dot . Desides to take his anger out on children starts cursing at them screaming loud enought and violent enought for 3 complaints to the police station came in about a domestic issue which police no very well about this . The only thing my Spouse was worried about them taking his gun away from him. The cops talked to the children the kids would not talk to them they were that upset.. I get a call from my husband only to here the police on the other end asking me if I was ok. Was I home when the fighting started and I said no I was at my meeting. They were concerned they been here before when my husband was a active drinker and when he was harrasing me when we were seperated. When I walked in the door of my home . I asked what happen and my son said are u mad at me . I said well since I was gone a hour tops and the police were here I said yes I'm not happy . My spouse jumped in and said ms c . Stop lying to your son can't you be honest for once and tell the truth . I said to him about what !? I don't no what happen while I was gone.. Spouse went crazy swearing at me states he will not move out of the house again. Me get me (ass)ets out . Shut my mouth . Calling me a lier! Again I still don't no what happen . Then my Spouse said why did you call the cops on me!!!!! Blamed me and I wasn't here I was at a meeting when this took place.. I honestly don't no what's happing with the new improved 9 month healthy sober husband he states he is , but there's always something I'm not doing write. Finally my neighbor are taking a stand and are concerned about me and kids. My souse stated cop can't do crap to him , there no domestic issue here I never layer a hand on you. It's all gossple rumors until proving other wise . He will make the Boundarys and that's it follow them or get out.. I don't get involved with his program I work on me I don't no if he is having a relapse not sure what's going on with him but he stated he could not stand the sight of my face. And stated back up again on who I'm talking to back checking cell numbers and times and calling ppl . I no I need to change and fast I need to get a out to get healthy him back here has caused stressed again . And now he is going to fix the kids to his likings. I will not take the guilt he tossing on me I will not let him ruin my health or let him tear down my wall of slogans from al Alon to make me weak . I new this would happen, once I got the program started and working it to the best I can and start apply my tools and working my steps this week to get better and be able to let go let god . The idea of me being able to stand my grounds and not allow this behavior to happen this is a fear for him .. He will have lost control over me , and that's where my concerns are peaking. Thank you for listing to me and please pray for me to continue to get better and work forward on my steps and keep me and kids safe ..
Today I am grateful for the support and the new friends at al Alon and a meeting I can go to .
Needs to be removed from the home. Analyzing his behavior is just rationalizing what is going on. You dont know whats going on with him, Except he is causing chaos and frightening behavior.
Hotrod gave you a list of numbers to contact. You should call and at least get advice . Co he is at the house because you allow it. Keep working the program and practice is the word of the day.
Best to you. Keep coming back.
Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Monday 12th of August 2013 12:20:37 PM
He does sound controlling and like he has a really hot temper. 9 months sober is still not long and many recovering alcoholics are still throwing baby temper tantrums regularly at that point. Doesn't make it right or acceptable. Other than that - this may just be who he is drunk OR sober. Bullying, controlling, screaming, and angry might be more at the root of who he is so in that case - being sober and AA isn't going to change it. Keep reaching out and taking care of yourself no matter what.
Pink chip you are right!! I never gave that a though ! It might be his personality he did have a bad child hood to and his mother is still actively drinking . This still is not acceptable to me . Then to continue to elpain he is right and I'm wrong I should of skip a meeting . This is typical of him.. He made it clear and known he wants no part of the children and I'm on my own as far as caring for them and for me to cool my panties off till my bitch week goes away!! Really . Sorry for the swear., I tell it like its told to me no other way . Now tossing my woman hood in the middle to keep him looking like he not at fault. Again if he can't handle or want to be a father them why is he at the house
Nothing justifies abuse or negative behavior. As PC pointed out, his actions may just be who he is and that the best you can do is to take care of yourself.
Detach Do not engage in his madness and insane banter. You are already taking care of the children and if the neighbors call the police when he is the caretaker he is not to be trusted. I would get a baby sitter when I went out or ask a neighbor to watch them while I am away.
One day at a time. He sounds like he's still a pretty sick person.
This is where you can ask yourself if you're willing to accept his behavior if this is the best he's got. This could very well be it for him.
Sure maybe he had a rough childhood, but it doesn't excuse being controlling and abusive towards you. He sees his control is slipping with you and that's why he's creating more drama because he wants to knock you back down to where he felt comfortable with his control over you. He's scared out of his mind right now, even though he likely doesn't even recognize it. He's still so sick that he's 100% convinced that his life is miserable because of everyone else around him. Doesn't see he's the cause of his misery.
Take good care of yourself. And yeah, that may look like picking up the phone and calling the numbers suggested above.
