The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am planning on leaving my ABF and moving far away by the end of the year. Right now we are living in Mexico but because I have to move back to the US and become financially independent I have to save up some money. I've tried to break up with him twice before and somehow I just get sucked in. I'm tired of dealing with his drinking & other issues and I just want to live on my own. I am afraid I will get complacient and give up my dream of living on my own so I am looking for support from others. Does anyone have ideas about how to do this? I basically want a place online/phone where I can find supportive, friendly people who I can check in with to make sure I break up and move out by December 31st. Thank you! :)
I'm tired of dealing with his drinking & other issues and I just want to live on my own. I am afraid I will get complacient and give up my dream of living on my own so I am looking for support from others. Does anyone have ideas about how to do this? I basically want a place online/phone where I can find supportive, friendly people who I can check in with to make sure I break up and move out by December 31st. Thank you! :)
Dear Jenn: Welcome to the MIP /alanon board...
You are not alone, wanting to take care of yourself whether you leave the alcoholic or not, that is up to you...you say you want to leave....I, myself, would not want to stay either, with someone who is NOT in AA and NOT working a program and is STILL drinking...That would be the end for me b/c I have gone down that road twice with active alkies and untreated, this disease will take out his mind and eventually his body in death, if he does not get help....To stay with an active alkie would require patience and detachment and zero expectations of him........I never again want to deal with it....
I am sorry, I can't offer much to you b/c I really don't know what is the situation there, but I know for sure, I would find alanon meetings on line if not in person.......I would surf this board, read the posts, read the steps posts people put here on top of the posts, I would read the post on "Slogans anyone" where one of our members listed all the slogans...great things to memorize and practice.....
when you get here in the States , do you have any friends/family you could stay with until you get on your own????
you will have support w/us on this board...Just read the posts, jump in and share if you feel comfortable...there are lots of VERY nice people here, we have all been through it and some of us are new....middle....older members....I would really navigate this board If I were you and at least get familiar with this program and how much it can help you if you want it.....
You mention "getting complacent" and givng up your dream.....That is up to you...All we can do is offer our shares, our experiences and our strength and hope for you.....YOU have to WANT it...recovery, an independent life, a healthy life, are all yours if you really want it...
he can't "suck you in" if you don't allow it...if you want out bad enough, you will find a way....either way, I would get into this program and really work hard on the healing it gives...its work....hard work, but we are all worth it.......meetings....the 12 steps.....slogans...literature.....we need them all to get healthy and stay that way.....the choice is yours....We can only give our experience, strength and hope and give you encouragement.....the "living it" is up to you......
I am glad you found us......please keep coming back
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Dear Jenn, I support what Neshema has posted. When living with an alcoholic or addict, it is easy to get sucked in. Attending al anon meetings, participating in this forum , reading literature (get educated on the disease of alcoholism and read about co-dependency) will help you stay committed to the dreams you have for your life. When you live with an addicted person, your life becomes about them and will always be about them unless they enter into and work a recovery program for life. A life with an active addict is difficult. Now focusing on you, there are parts within you that attract addicts, so self discovery will help you in future relationships. It was hard for me in the beginning to look at myself and I may never have done that if it had not been for the alcoholics/addicts in my life, so, for that I am grateful...good luck on your journey and keep coming back!
Hi, Jenn. Lots of time between now and December to attend meetings (we have online meetings here), obtain appropriate literature at the face to face meetings, make a list of the reasons you are leaving your ABF to keep when you're doubting yourself, and making a list of what you plan on achieving as you prepare to move and move. Preparing for this move by saving money, building a support system and taking steps to reach your goal consistently are a very good beginning to following through on making your dream a reality in addition to having some experience of where you will be moving, obtaining a job prior to the move or knowing the job market in advance in the location to where you want to move is also part of healthy advance planning. Housing costs, public transportation possibilities, cost of living expenses in the area where you want to move is also a big help. Chamber of Commerce websites are a good source of information and the City's website, too.
Thank you so much for the support. I will continue to reach out when I'm able to get to a computer in private. I am confident in my decision to leave and my spark has returned now that I have a goal to reach. Still I will not let myself become complacent again and my research and planning is not enough. I will reach my goal of leaving my boyfriend and living on my own and supporting myself. I look forward to becoming a more active member of Al Anon.
