Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A Dog Epiphany
Post Info TOPIC: A Dog Epiphany
rehprof


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 689
Date:
A Dog Epiphany
Permalink  

So, I have a new pup. When I first got her home 2 weeks ago, she was a biting, jumping, spazzy ball of puppy energy...she had never had any work done with her (she is about 5mos old). Today, she responds to recall off lead in my back yard, sits when asked, does not jump but only occasionally, and has basically stopped biting. I am really good at training dogs.

I told my counselor this today, that I was proud of setting limits with her and her response. The secret to a well-behaved dog is consistent BOUNDARIES which are clearly communicated. My counselor said..."Now I want you to translate that same energy to your relationships with people." WHOA.

This metaphor works for me on so many levels. When owners let dogs do whatever they want because they want the dogs to be "happy" the dogs are very misbehaved and often may hurt you. This is what I've been doing with people. I don't communicate my boundaries with them for fear it will make them unhappy...then they misbehave...and I end up getting hurt. 

I have very clear boundaries with the dog. No furniture. No jumping up. No counters. No nipping. 

I have no idea what my boundaries are with people! I let them do whatever they want with me or to me, and then I usually end up feeling used and hurt. If I can't identify my boundaries, and don't communicate them to others (saying what I mean not saying it mean) then it makes sense why people have "misbehaved" with me. I have allowed it. Part of my people-pleasing stuff.

So, my challenge is to identify when a boundary has been crossed by someone in my life, and communicate it. Maybe I can get as good at training people how to treat me, as I am at training the dog.

All best, 

RP

 



-- Edited by rehprof on Friday 9th of August 2013 06:46:03 PM

__________________
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  

 

 

I love that!!    and because it is exactly the same approach and method I found out.  Humans are supposed to get it faster and hopefully with less raising of the voice and pointing of the finger...LOL   No is a complete sentence...did a whole meeting on it Wed. night.  Set the boundaries with a smile...don't wait for a reaction.    Loved the Epiphany.   smile



__________________
Aloha


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1652
Date:
Permalink  

Makes me want to poke misbehaving people in the side and say "shhhhhh!" like the Dog Whisperer. ;)

I have had a sad realization, too, that some alcoholics behave like spoiled children and you have to keep setting boundaries with them like you would a spoiled child. Don't respond to their outbursts, when you do talk to them, talk to them calm and level, only award good behavior...

This makes me wonder in my own upbringing if my parents had difficulty with setting good boundaries with me and that's why I have such a difficult time setting my own. I didn't have good behavior modeled to me early on. But then my mother was an active A up until I was two and from that point on has been a recovering A, and we all know recovering A doesn't always mean "picture of perfect health 24/7."

Great insights, however. Thanks for sharing.

__________________
neshema2


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3281
Date:
Permalink  

WOW!!!  LOVED reading this post.....and OH YEA....if I don't set boundaries on the pittie, the labbie and the kitty, oh yea,they misbehave.....but with boundaries, fur babies are good "kids"

BEAUTIFUL lesson here....thanks for sharing with us.......

and ya know??? b/c it came to you this way, your heart will embrace what you know, in your head...like this is a lesson that will take root real quick....

that "AHA"  moment.....oh yea,  LOVE ITbiggrinbiggrinbiggrin



__________________

Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

no furniture!!?? no counters?? NO FUN! lol good analogy your share thank you.

congrats on your puppy!!! Well five out of seven of my dogs sleep with me and are on the leather couches. ez to clean.....I agree boundaries, get out of there, get off that, put that down, what have you got now? LEAVE the chickens alone! Where is my brusmh? BonnieJo you have enough rocks in here! uno the usual....

I can take my guys anywhere and be proud of them. I am not kidding, they don't whine or bark or try to pull away. Be the alpha is the key.

It is the same with people. If people know we are strong, have boundaries they feel more secure around us. They know where we stand. If we are wishy washy, have no boundaries people are not comfy with us.

I hope you will share pics of your new one! name? kind? love,debilyn



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:
Permalink  

Loved the share. Love the metaphor. Love the E/S/H. Thanks.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
Pushka


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3870
Date:
Permalink  

I love this share and it makes total sense .. I know I have to be responsible for how others treat me because I have allowed it.

Hugs P :)

__________________

Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Breakingfree


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3972
Date:
Permalink  

I love this and needed the reminder for my new puppy and surrounding humans! Sending you love and support!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A Dog Epiphany