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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> A healthy relationship will never......................
Post Info TOPIC: A healthy relationship will never......................
neshema2


~*Service Worker*~

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A healthy relationship will never......................
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Did my A's help me attract good friends??? NO!!  Did they ruin potential good friendships b/c my friends could not handle the chaos and drama??? YES!!! OR  did I just give up bringing kids  (when child) and friends (when married) home to avoid the inevitable???? YEP!!!

What did the A's in my life do re: my dreams????  Mostly shattered them with the abuse, put downs and other forms of sabotage  and if that didn't work, of course there was the option of dismantling me emotionally, mentally and thus dreams were demolished...

And what about my dignity??? well I wont' go back to the rehashing the house of horrors growing up, but how about when A#1 got so bad, throwing stuff at me in the house , that I had to run outside in my T-shirt and undies only to be found and given safety by a male cop???  Oh yea, REAL good for my dignity...Or how about when the A would do a "no show" when we had appointments to the marriage councellor???? Or how about the "horror shows" he would pull when we were out in public , putting me down, or just being boisterous, bad language, rowdy behaviour, staggering all over the place and my having to beg him to give ME the car keys so we would get home alive...IN front of people of course.......

Now my life is one of peace....NO horror shows....No drama, No chaos,  I can bring a friend in my home and not be scared the friend would be traumatized,  I can dream and think and visualize w/out anyone trying to demean me or say "oh you are too stupid to do..................." My people now support and encourage me and make me feel good about who I am,  

and my dignity??? I think I always had my dignity...It was not my staggering all over the place....It wasn't me falling all over the place or hanging on people acting like an ahole, and it was not me slurring my words, or talking nasty, vulgar language.......

As to stress??? I don't have to worry about drunken phone calls at night b/c A is in jail or in a bar and needs a ride home.....I don't have to clean up vomit in the bathroom where he was "driving the porcelain bus" and missed!!!!  I don't have to face a demolished kitchen b/c he got the munchies late at night....Or worry about him catching the house on fire, cooking w/the toaster oven in the middle of the night.....No, the big thing I have to worry about is me and finding enough clients to make a decent living, but that is MY stuff...MY life.... 

 

healthy.jpg

 



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
grateful2be


~*Service Worker*~

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Glad you chose life, Neshema. We need you with us. (((N)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
sadsusie


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THanks Neshema! you reminded me why I left.

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Many Blessings,

"Sweet Susie"

 BEFORE-YOU-JUDGE-ME.jpgim in charge and I'm happypeople bring you down, you are above themresponsibilty for your energy
Phoenix7


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Thanks for posting this, Neshema. Dealing with some of this right now. Very helpful.

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~ illegitimi non carborundum ~
sweeetr


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I needed to read this !!!!

I need to reread this often !!

I know things will never get better with him in denial or just trying to do enough to "get by" I needed to read the before and after you spoke of

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 ..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
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