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Hello all, Sorry it's been a very long time sice I visited you. This disease is tricky, just when you think you are doing good...SMACK, HP brings you back to some more testing. My AH just can't have enough courage to let his old friend vodka leave his side. So, I am letting him live his tortured life and resuming mine. His cousin is getting married in a month and so begins the bachelor party planning. A little background, there has never been any reason what so ever to not trust him being faithful. He is that type of drunk that likes to flex his beer muscles and show the world how great he is, not unfaithful, but equally annoying. Last night he tells me of course they will be going to a strip club. It kinda makes my stomach sick. I told him that too. It's just the fact that he will be there with naked stranger bodies, booze and friends to show off too. I told him last night, the decision is his own if he will go or not, I am just telling you that it leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling in my gut. (I should know by now my gut is always right) And then again, maybe this is one of those things...Let it Happen, maybe thats what my HP wants. I know if the tables were turned, he would feel the same way, however, having strangers dance naked around me is not my cup of tee and wouldn't happen.
1976 - I get where you are coming from. Sounds like a recipe for disaster though I think at the end of it the most likely and obvious disaster is this: He's an alcoholic. That is already the case and it will be the same after the bachelor party so with that acceptance...maybe you can not worry as much.
And then again, maybe this is one of those things...Let it Happen, maybe thats what my HP wants. I know if the tables were turned, he would feel the same way, however, having strangers dance naked around me is not my cup of tee and wouldn't happen.
1976....no so sure HP is involved in his choice to go to a strip joint.....that choice is his....I think this is happening to help you come to acceptance....he is an alcoholic....he is not gonna stop unless in AA working he steps and rest of the program....He is going to get worse if untreated....OK enough of him....I would get into meetings...focus on me...work the steps...get a sponsor....work alanon for all of its suggestions and LET HIM GO to his own devices....alanon is about YOU....so you know the score....u say it makes u sick to your stomache......now its time to say "ok...what do I do for me from now on?????" this alanon and this board and meets et al are not about the alcoholic....its all about you re-claiming you and forging a new life with or with out him, but putting yourself first and your needs.......good you came back......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I can relate to worrying about my exAh drinking and going to those places and it making me sick to think about. I now know whatever choices he made whether intoxicated or not he had to live and deal with and so did I. I however also knew I had no control over that outcome and all I could do was say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean. He is gonna do what whatever he is gonna do, what are you gonna do.... as our Canadianguy likes to say. Dive into your recovery and do the next right thing, you have us here at MIP! Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
He is gonna do what whatever he is gonna do, what are you gonna do.... as our Canadianguy likes to say. Dive into your recovery and do the next right thing, you have us here at MIP! Sending you love and support! BREAKINGFREE
Yep...Canadian guy is so right....instead of thinking about him and asking the "why" lets use the word "WHAT" What can I do for me???? What can I do to make my life better????? "why" keeps us in victim thinking.....WHAT keeps us thinking of "OK..what is the solution (or what can I do for me) and as breaking free quoted....."Dive into your recovery and do the next right thing" and yep.....U got us here to work w/you....we are working our alanon and we are ready to share our experiences w/you to help you....LIFE is a CHOICE away.....You can do this
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I would think that a strip club would be under supervision, not allowed to touch the women and if they get drunk'
and disorderly, out they go.
I think your more upset over him seeing naked bodies. I think your building up a case in your mind.
An alcoholic can get into trouble no matter where he is. My X A got him self into more messes and he never went in clubs or bars to drink. Most clubs have rules, your worrying far too much over this.
