The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Before you go any further reading this, take a deep breath and release it. Do it twice. Then read below...
I know from personal experience the sorrow your heart feels. I know that right now, you have more questions than answers. I know what it feels like to hold my breath throughout a day, not knowing what was going to happen. I know how confused I have felt, lost and hopeless. I know what it is like, not being able to sleep, yet being so overwhelmed I struggled to even want to get up and face another day. I just wanted to pull the blanket over my head and stay there forever. I know what it is like to want so badly to believe, that an obvious lie would get overlooked. Wanting so badly to believe, but not believing anything anymore. I know what it is like to have to look at someone else and determine their mood to determine what kind of day or evening I was going to have. These things and so much more brought me to a place of utter surrender and a sense of defeat. It was here during this time, that I finally found myself doing what I resisted the most, stepping over the threshold into a Al-Anon meeting.
Now, I am not going to blow smoke up your butt and tell you that the bad days instantly, or suddenly came to an end. I had to do alot of work on ME, read a lot of literature, try practicing some of Al-Anon's Slogans, interact with others who had been down this road for a while, and pray a lot, before the bad days got a little more distance between each other, and when they came it wasn't with the same level of intensity. As time went by, the bad days stopped dominating my life, because I learned how to let a bad moment take place, move out of it, and not let it hold my whole day hostage any more.
I had to learn that the alcoholic was going to do what they are going to do, be it get sober or not, but I no longer had to suffer from the dis-ease of alcoholism. I could recover regardless. I could find my place in life that brought contentment and joy, peace and harmony within. I didn't have to act out, shut down, cold shoulder, beg, plead, stay upset or angry, or behave in ways that made everyone around me, including myself absolutely nuts. I didn't need to be a crazy-maker any more. I learned how to live in the moment my feet were standing in, and not let yesterday or tomorrow steal those good moments of NOW any more.
Day by day the better days appeared. They got better not so much because anything outside of me got better, but because things inside of me did. I got better!
If you are new to Al-Anon, take those two intentional breaths several times a day. For me, learning how to stop holding my breath, or not breathing so swallow allowed me to experience a step towards freedom. I was breathing the breath of life again. **************
The Full Version of the Serenity Prayer
God, grant me the Serenity To accept the things I cannot change... Courage to change the things I can, And Wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time, Enjoying one moment at a time, Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, Not as I would have it. Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will. That I may be reasonably happy in this life, And supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen.
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
John... Thank you. I guess this is one of those days that every time I come to these boards I read exactly what I need to in that moment (happens a lot around here). Not new to alanon and needed to read your post today, big time.
Mary
Thank you for saying this out loud. Surrender really spoke to me in your share. I too came to that place from the darkness of son's relapse and loss of relationship and job all within a week. The first 3 steps are powerful and healing if we can just allow it...and you are so right about breathing..it somehow opens us up to receiving the gifts of these steps.
Thank you for taking the time to remind us in such a powerful way...feels like it's all about hope now.
Something like this belongs as a sticky at the top of the board - Message of hope to newcomers. I've had the full Serenity Prayer on my wall for over 30 years now, I've always thought it was incomplete without the second half, accept the world as is, not as I would have it.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
