The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Saturday, my organization treated families to a sightseeing trip and then a trip to the beach for a day. One family that I had met early on in my work all went together. The Mom was in her late twenties and her only son at that time young. I lost track of them for awhile and then the Mom resurfaced with two more sons at the urging of her firstborn and a move back into the neighborhood where my organization is based. At some point in the day, as I sat soaking up sun, watching the waves and enjoying the sight and sound of boats and gulls, the elder son, his gf, their baby and his Mom approached me on the beach. They wanted "memory pictures" of me with them. I held the baby, the matriarch stood behind me while her son snapped pictures of me with his gf looking on. Following pictures (something I try to hide from but couldn't tell them no), they formed a semi-circle in front of me sharing with me the joys of their lives - lives that had been marred with abuse, CPS, lost opportunities, terrific experiences like being torched, poverty, drugs, shelters, prison, horrendous illnesses that had almost resulted in death for the matriarch - and the changes that their co-operation with HP has brought about. They talked of pictures later with the two younger sons and the older son's two other daughters who were playing together on the beach. They talked of how much my life had meant to them in this hard journey they had walked. I watched the oldest son's animated face as he described all the goodness he was now enjoying, the ways he is choosing to parent his daughters, the ways he is and will be providing for his family. I watched his gf's face as she talked of the promotions she has received in a short time after being hired at the place she did her internship for college degree and held the daughter she treats like gold - the one she didn't think she wanted when she first learned she was pregnant. I listened to the matriarch as she delighted in the fact her whole family was together enjoying a simple day as a family at the beach. They continued to say, "We know this is our last trip with you. We want pictures of you for our family to keep. We want the memories of you to remind us of how you've been there with us." We made plans for a few future events that I have agreed to carry out with and for their family.
When they left the area where I sat in my lavender-colored camp chair, a straw hat on my head, no make up on my face, my dry, aging skin showing differently than it did when I started this work in my late 30s, my flip-flop protected feet buried in the sand, a grey towel wrapped around my rounded shoulders as protection from the cold, biting wind coming in off the lake, once again, I knew that this was one more affirmation of my agreeing to continue to let this part of my life close. I know the elders are dry if not sober, but I also know that HP will provide others to be witness to their continued growth as individuals and as a family. Thank you, HP. I will continue to let go.
((((Grateful)))) As the prayer at the back of the "JUST FOR TODAY" pamphlet says, "Lord make me an instrument of YOUR peace...." You followed thru with it and got affirmation that you did and still do. I love the affirmations where you get thank yous that were totally unexpected and unasked for and not required; and still...."what goes around comes around" is now an awareness I fully believe in. You carried the message and got blessed by those who you touched. For me I hear the reciting of the 12th step from inside my groups.
Mahalo for sharing your experience I hope it spreads. ((((hugs))))
Thank you all for being witness to my witness. Part of my decision to retire has brought with it concerns that have to do with those I've felt called to be among. This family was one who took the news that I shared with them on Easter Sunday the hardest. Their strength together as a family yesterday told me that "this is the way," continue "to walk in it." A dream of the street people last week. A real time encounter with those who are still present to me and me to them yesterday. Little by little, the wake behind my little dingy grows wider and will one day disappear.
He often chooses pictures that have character. That's what I like about him. He seems to be in films that either have some substance to them or life lessons. Or - maybe I just choose to see those films? I don't know. I just like what he chooses to play. He may be Jungian also and I am drawn to Jung's theories, practices and understandings of symbolism/dreams. I first noticed him in Schindler's List and considered how difficult that must have been for him to play that part. Whew! Of course, I don't know anything about him in real life and so I only jokingly say I'm waiting for him to come calling. Just because he chooses films that have depth to them and might be Jungian doesn't mean a whit, of course. Grin.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 4th of August 2013 10:25:27 PM
"I knew that this was one more affirmation of my agreeing to continue to let this part of my life close. I know the elders are dry if not sober, but I also know that HP will provide others to be witness to their continued growth as individuals and as a family. Thank you, HP. I will continue to let go."
Nice job, G.....and a very nice story!!! yep, its on to the next adventure
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
OMGGGG he is a total "Babe" hey??? didn't like him sleeping around on Schindler's List, but LOVED his affection and saving the Jews...And when he played the guy, Michael Collins (think that was his name) who in 1915, or so, tried to get Irish freedom from Brittain, Ohh yeaa.....he is "eye candie" for sure.....LOVED watching his movies......DANG, girl, we both loved Liam Neeson, LOL....The more I "talk" with you the more I see we have some stuff in common....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Of course, I don't know anything about him in real life and so I only jokingly say I'm waiting for him to come calling. Just because he chooses films that have depth to them and might be Jungian doesn't mean a whit, of course. Grin.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Sunday 4th of August 2013 10:25:27 PM
I thought he had charisma and the parts he played , he had to have a load of talent, AND he is good looking, but yea, in real life he could be a real bozo, but its fun to speculate...I always liked him...he displayed this kinda inner power in him...hard to explain
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Funny....I have the DVD and just recorded Shindler's List off HBO...was gonna watch it tonight, but it is long, and I want to hit the hay early.....I would have to say that my EX got me into LN with the Michael Collins move...THEN SL came out and WOW!!!!! That really sold me on this actor who portrays this man who started out thinking of the financial bottom line, then he truly came to love these people he had used as slaves....The Real Oscar Shindler is buried in Israel where all the righteous heroes of that dark period were buried....The Shoa (sp) was really illustrated well in this movie, on one hand you see the absolute cruelty and dehumanization of a people by their "masters" and this one "master" sees them as humans and ends up going broke trying to save their lives...He saved many and not many years ago, ALL the descendants of Shindler's Jews went to his grave to pay respects....It was this movie that really turned me onto Liam Neeson
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sad that the true Shindler died an alcoholic. Guilt can kill us if we let it. So, we both saw the depth of the character Liam played which he could have done if that character exists in him.
Sad that the true Shindler died an alcoholic. Guilt can kill us if we let it. So, we both saw the depth of the character Liam played which he could have done if that character exists in him.
When I watch a movie or read a book (non fiction are my choice) I try to look at the "theme" or lesson in the movie or at least learn from their mistakes, lol....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
It appeared to me that he died because he felt guilty for what he didn't do rather than focus on the truth of what he did accomplish in what appears to the naked eye to be an impossible situation to do anything of value. He seemed to have wallowed in what could have been rather than what was and what could be. Sad. Also a lesson to me. Guilt does no one any good except as a tool to help point us to a HP who can lead us on. Shame does nothing for us except to keep us believing that who we are is no good and that simply isn't true. Codependency issues are rooted in shame and guilt. That's the beauty of Al-Anon and Coda. Leads us out of untruth into truth and health.
I think it is so beautiful you can let this family be where they are right now rather than feel compelled to be there for them. I think personally there is great beauty and wisdom in aging. I feel far calmer and present these days than I did in the past. I feel like I can be here each day rather than crave to be somewhere else.
I am sure this family has profound abandonment issues given where they have been in life. How wonderful you can sit through it with them and you gave them notice. So many workers, therapists I have dealt with sprang their departure on me really quickly and I had a profound reaction. They really didn't have a clue what abandonment issues were about. I am sure my own over reactions didn't enlighten them either.
I am glad you can share great memories with this family who have indeed grown and evolved. I am certain they will continue to grow. I am so glad you will be entering another phase of your life, another adventure. Saying goodbye is not something I am much good at. I generally leave situations in some dramatic fashion. Another passageway.
Thank you, Maresie. This work for me has been a work of the heart and not a job. I know how much loss they have endured and I know the choppy-chop way they are dealt with in professional settings. I didn't want to repeat that for them. If my body could handle more of this, I would stay, but it can't. I can't tell you how much they have all given me throughout these years. They've brought me so many little treasures and big ones, too. I've never done this work to be loved. I've done it because I have been loved and I wanted to pass on what I've received. All of them to me are heroic and faith-filled people although they'd never say that about themselves. To allow me to come into their lives and to be with them for so long has been an honor.
On Easter Sunday, when I let some of my families know that I was planning on retiring, there were many tears. This family sobbed. To come to me and take pictures for their memory book released me. It isn't their final act of love, but it is a major one. Underneath the tattoos, the hard speech, the ragged look of bodies beaten up by accidents and people, are hearts so big they make mine feel puny. They were letting me know, in the way they know how, that they will be okay - that I'm not to worry - and that they know I have to do it. After 26 years in this work - not counting the volunteer work prior - I was very aware of being loved by them although that has never been my reason for doing this. And yet - on top of all the countless ways they have brought me so many treasures throughout the years - this was the greatest one yet. Their willingness to let go of me and to let me go free as I must. Unconditional acceptance of me as I am and me leaving as I must.
They are wonderful and HP through them signaled they are not dependent on little nothing me. They are dependent upon HP and themselves as individuals and as a family. What a beautiful gift they all gave me. I couldn't have asked for more.
