Let's talk about acceptance - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Let's talk about acceptance

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Acceptance that today is the way it is suppose to be. I also see that acceptance should bring compassion towards the
alcoholic and an understanding that he is a sick person and I have become sick also. I can only heal myself, so I can make
the right choices for my life , not in anger, not in vengence or resentments, but in peacefulness and contentment.

Bettina

-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 3rd of August 2013 04:31:54 PM

-- Edited by Bettina on Saturday 3rd of August 2013 04:32:58 PM

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

Acceptance is really where I struggle. I tend to look at my AH and remember who he was, who we were, and I want that back as I'm sure he does, too. Yet, he's changed, he's started drinking, he's gotten a DUI, he lies now about stupid stuff, he wants me to just blow off unacceptable behavior. And, I have changed now; I stand up for myself more, I walk away from arguments, I don't answer stupid questions, I don't defend myself if I don't have to. I've learned to pick my battles and ask 'how important is it?'.

So, where I struggle with acceptance is actually accepting that things are different. Accepting things as they are NOW and not wishing that they were as before. Looking back, I know that things weren't perfect before, even when my AH was dry for 15 years but my eyes have been opened to who WE are now and I struggle to just deal in reality. Can anyone else relate?

Here is the acceptance prayer which I cut and pasted from a blog because I was too lazy to type it out myself, which I have learned to recite to myself daily, but especially when I struggle:

God, acceptance is that answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in Gods world by mistake. Until I can accept my Alcoholism (Alanonism), I cannot stay Sober (Sane); unless I accept life completely on lifes terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitude.

LeenieBeanie · Senior Member

Thank you for taking the time to copy this. Isn't is amazing that I always seem to fall on the posts I really need to absorb that day.

Blessings to you...

maryjane · ~*Service Worker*~

Be fore acceptance is awareness. To become aware is, to me, harder than accepting what I became aware of.

ParisMemories · Senior Member

Thanks for your share. I completely relate, this is just what I needed tonight. God bless.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Early program taught me that acceptance wasn't about the morality of the thing but the fact of it alone...As long as I had awareness of right and wrong and the opportunity to judge I would have the choice of accepting how good it was or how bad it was for me. If I could learn to just accept the fact that it happened and that I had no power of that and that it had no future power to continue to hurt me...I could let it go...I could learn to accept life on life's terms and not react. Learning to accept on these terms was freedom for me and in the peace and quiet of acceptance I could learn and choose different alternatives to practice, which are so many. I am not caged to one or just a small set of alternatives...good sponsorship and home group, the literature and certainly a loving abiding HP showed me the wide path. Grateful. (((((Hugs))))) smile

tortuga · Senior Member

Yes Acceptance is a good, healthy, freeing, but difficult step.
I also struggle with that.... i think it doesn't come fully over night. I have moments of acceptance, and that's when neither sadness no anger are with me, just calm and peace. But they don't last...old habits of thinking set in, and there I am back in resentment and negative thoughts, that's when I suffer. So only practice and patience will bring me t full acceptance of things, events, people and myself. It's the process of growth, acceptance is a target, a state where I want to end up...practice with all Al Anon tools is the path ....
Acceptance is the key, to be able to fully live in the present.
may we all get there.
(((((HUGS TO ALL)))))

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

It took me YEARS to 1) accept things as they were, rather than delude myself that things were "going to get better" and then 2) make the decision whether I could live with that reality. Like YEARS. I got ANGRY, CONTROLLING, CRANKY -- all distractions for me from the truth of the situation. I always thought I could help him change...or that things would change...acceptance helped me see the truth of the situation, rather than as the previous post says, struggle against it...because I truly believe that which you resist, persists.

It's a long and winding road...

Sending good juju

RP

-- Edited by rehprof on Sunday 4th of August 2013 10:09:13 AM

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Acceptance helps me let go of fighting that which is real and working with what is rather than struggling against it. There might still be a little bit of pain, a little bit of tears, but I'm on my way to new life by behaving in a new way. Thanks for the reminder of acceptance today.

Pushka · ~*Service Worker*~

I can become aware and take action without any issues .. the whole acceptance thing .. that is a whole other animal. I can see it, rationalize it, reason with it, and I can be fully aware and know what to do .. accepting that the kids Dad is sick and chooses not to be involved I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it.

It also is very hard for me to accept that he creates all of this chaos and I continue to watch him skate out of it. I don't understand that part of the deal either.

I can accept alcoholism as a disease .. I can accept I am powerless over the disease and my life has become unmanageable. I can't seem to accept the behavior that goes with the insanity of his disease.

Great topic and I love the quote, hugs P :)

stephaniej · Senior Member

I struggle a lot with acceptance, too. What I am finding is that I need to learn and appreciate the difference between accepting that my AH just is the way he is, and not trying to force myself to accept him as a daily part of my life. I may have to accept him as he is, but I do not have to accept that his behavior or attitudes needs to be a part of my daily life. That's the difficult part for me.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I still have a wrestle with acceptance from time to time and feel like I should know better, but it is a part of the human condition and I feel as I keep working my program it will happen and then I can move onto the next thing. I want to be always growing and changing while accepting and becoming more aware, it comes with time and wisdom. Sending you love and support!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.