The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've spent most of the day reading, praying, meditating and on this board. I'm trying to mind my own business, my a/a daughter who I had such a melt down with last month when she didn't get her son's ssa check. Since then her 28 y.o. son is staying with her and she is supposely trying to get rid of her bf. Her 8 yo old daughter came last Fri to spend a few weeks with her. I've bought them food so that she will have food. I'm refusing to get caught up in their stuff, my granddaughter know to call me if she needs too, I feel so badly because my granddaughter want to be with her mother instead of staying with me.
I'm finally at the point that I'm willing/and I feel able to detach from both my daughter and her son, not sure what is happening with rent and housing, I refuse to ask anything about it. I do feel anxious and gaurded because I never know what they may do or say. What I know for sure is 1) I'm not giving them any money, 2) they can't stay with me, 3) When this food run out, I'm going to bring my granddaughter to stay with me until her daddy comes to get her, and 4) Now that I'm on medications for my nerves and insomnia it is past time for me to take care of myself.
I know this too, shall past, and God is in control, I believe in His power and know He is bigger than this disease.
Thanks you for your prayers.
Gettingitright!!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
It sounds as if you are working the program. I can sympathize how hard that is with all the drama our alcoholic children bring into your life. Good to hear you are getting some rest. Your boundaries are in place and are clear. I know how hard it is to watch this circus going on around your grandchildren. My grandson also wants to be with his alcoholic mom instead of living with my husband and I. Breaks my heart but he is allowed a voice in his life, at least right now. Best of luck and keep coming back here.
My son wanted to live with his Dad, too, even after he found out just how hard that was going to be. My door was always open to him, but he was in his teens and had the right to choose. When he got older, he told me he wanted to live with his Dad because I wouldn't let him get away with anything, but he knew his Dad would. I didn't ask him the question. He just volunteered the information. My daughter also wanted to live with her Dad when she got in her teens. I said, "No." I explained why. I figured if her desire to live with him was strong enough, she'd fight me. She didn't.
Now that she is older, she sees the wisdom of her choice.
My grandson, I knew, could have an easier time of it with me in his formative years, but his heart was with his Mom and should be. Although he was with me every day of his life from birth until he was about 3, when they moved into their own apartment, I still had him 6 days out of the week.
His Mom worked early, so I would get him ready for school and in the summer took him to work with me until she got off in the early afternoon. Then I had him while she worked on weekends, too. It was very hard to maintain a strict boundary for myself in relationship to him, but I didn't want him to be confused about who his Mother was and I didn't want to get in the way of her lessons as a parent. I slipped and crossed my own boundary from time to time, but I learned as she learned. He is 14 now. He is not confused as to his relationship to each of us and his heart is still with his Mom.
This is no easy road you're walking as a Grand Mom. It is good your grandkids have you to visit and be there with them in the ways you can and the ways they will allow. Hugs, HF.
When you finally realize what letting go really means, it will be very hard to except but for some reason there is a little bit of peace inside of you. You kind of feel this is the beginning of the end but serenity comes peaking out.
The process is very very hard and it won't be over but the light will start to shine and the heart will forgive.
((( hugs ))) you are not alone
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you all for your prayers and support, it's a beautiful day so far. I've surrendered all my love ones, concerns and issues, and I'm trusting God to do His part.
Gettingitright!!
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Just go a step at a time, one day at a time. And you'll find a rich, thankful life you never thought you could afford.--A Rogers
