HELP - Al-Anon Family Group

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

HELP

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha ((((ARod)))) and welcome to MIP...your life is now about to change...just keep coming back. This time the younger guys gets to be the teacher and if you can stay soooo depressed that you don't fight his suggestion and go to the face to face meetings of Al-Anon anyway then of course things will be different for you because you are doing different. I was and am a depressant...bad in the past pre-Al-Anon and now its like having hiccups...temporary and will pass just breathe deeply. The day before I got into Al-Anon for the second time and on purpose I was calling Help In Emotional Problems and the Suicide Prevention Center...Help was too busy to help and Suicide Prevention was all at lunch and that was more important than encouraging a soon to be three time attempter. What happened next was one of the many mysterious miraculous events I have had since I've been practicing this program. I found my finger on the "A" section of the phone book and right over AL-Anon and I called and I got a live voice of a person who listened and who knew just exactly where I was in mind, in body, in spirit and in emotions. I got even more frightened when my alcoholic/addict wife tried to get into the house...of course I had locked the door to prevent anyone from preventing me from my solution. I excused an absence for a minute to open the door and the voice on the other side of the phone said "Do not hang up this phone...your very life could depend on this call". I lost the fear of my spouse knowing that I was taking to someone about getting help for my depression and got the time and place for the earliest Al-Anon Meeting which was to become my home group...the "Monday Night College Church of Christ Al-Anon Family Group". I let go of my fear that it would be another Church experiment and went and heard what Grateful2be said in the closing of the meeting, "If you keep and open mind you will find help. You will learn that there is not situation too difficult to be better and no unhappiness to great to be lessened" to which my whole self wanted to react with "Oh Yeah?...you have no idea of how difficult and unhappy life is for me right now". But they did and I found that out by following the instructions and invitations to keep coming back.

Depression is anger turned inward...That is one thing I learned of many which caused me to investigate and follow thru on what I learned" Might not be real for you as it was for me and "take what you like and leave the rest". I also learned an earth shattering perception (my earth and my perception) which dramatically changed my hunt for solution. See I was still suicidal in solution...one of the "tastes" I have deep memory of even deeper than alcohol; I use to use that and almost was a failed suicide on one overdose. The other memory taste is of "gun metal blue" which is the chemical that turns the metal on a gun that deep dark blue color. How did I know and remember that taste If I had not had the experience of having a gun to my mouth...and then had that somehow worked other than as it should have as intended it would have been a "failed" suicide and I can say that with emphasis because after being the Al-Anon and working the program as suggested for a while my desire and need for suicide greatly decreased and my depression value changed more toward hope and faith that I could have a life worth living and be happy most of the time for the first time in my life. I also was born into the disease of addiction on both sides of my family...the disease mentored me for 37 years until the fellowship took over. Here is the new awareness and definition of suicide that I was gifted with in the program, "Suicide isn't so much the ending of ones life as it is the ending of how I live it". I changed how I lived my life and no longer had the desire or need to bring it to an end. In fact just the opposite happens now. I became a "successful" suicide. I live with expectancey of what another day will bring and the people in it...good or bad, better or worse.

You have found help by coming here. I'm glad you're here and excited to see how your life changes for you as you listen with an open mind to the suggestion and then follow thru on them and then pass them on to others like you and me. Please keep coming back often. In support with love and service. ((((hugs)))) smile

PS...next time you see your son...tell him "thank you"...give him a kiss on the head..or the cheek and a ((((hug)))) and a pat on his butt sending him off to his own recovery...You got family.

-- Edited by Jerry F on Friday 2nd of August 2013 08:06:13 PM

ARod · Newbie

I desperately need some advice. I feel like I am drowning in misery, everyday is a constant fight. Both of my parents were heroin addicts, my brother turned out to be a meth user and my 16 year old son is currently in recovery for alcohol. My son is doing really well and has taught me so much through his recovery. He told me I should attend Alanon meetings to help me cope with him and my core family's addiction. I carry a lot of baggage from growing up with heroin addicts as parents but my biggest problem is depression. My son said I need to pray and go to Alanon for my much needed support but I don't know how the meetings are going to help with my depression. I am in a really, really dark place right now and I'm tired of living this way. It has taken over my life and is ruining all my relationships. I have to do something because I am so unhappy. Thank you in advance for anyone who replies to my post.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, ARod. Welcome to MIP. Al-Anon meetings were a place for me to go that had an almost magical way of lifting my spirits in an hour of time spent listening and just being still. I couldn't get over how much relief I felt just sitting in a meeting. Others will come on the board and make suggestions about other steps you can take. I wanted to share my experience of those initial meetings with you and encourage you to go and see for yourself what a difference they can make. I can't understand how they helped me. I just know they did.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Alanon will help you build coping skills and gain a better support system. It will help you work on your spirituality and that will aid you to be more hopeful. Hence, more feiends, better coping skills, more faith, keeping busier, having more purpose...all of these things could help your depression.

ARod · Newbie

Thank you grateful2be and pinkchip for your words of wisdom. My faith is low right now and I feel discouraged and low. I know I need God in my life but it's so hard because so many bad things have happened to and I just literally wait for the other shoe to drop. It's no way to live but I find myself sabotaging everything.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I grew up with addict/alcoholic parents and al-anon has helped me understand myself so much better than years of counseling. I hope you can find local face to face meetings and dive into your own recovery. It was the best decision I ever made for myself. Sending you love and support!

ARod · Newbie

HotRod Thank you. It's so nice to hear that you were able to let go of your depression. I feel hopeless and its got a very good hold on me. I'm scared. I am feeling the love with the people on this forum and I am truly grateful.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

AROD The fear and depression are a direct result of living with this disease. Please know that you are not alone. You will not have to speak at a meeting until you feel like it. I attended for over a year and before I shared. The literature, the connections, the idea of living one day at a time, focused on myself refusing to look at the past or the future really helped to restore me to sanity'

We have on line meetings here as well and a chat room open 24/7 Please keep coming back

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear ARod

WOW, son sounds like he is a real worker bee in the program....Good on him and I agree w/him about you going to meets.

Now..The depression...It can be an imbalance in your physically OR it can be that life stunk so badly and still has an "aroma" that You have HAD it

Hopefully its not the clinical type depression, that you would need a shrink and some meds for....Hoping it is just you needing to find yourself in alanon

I was very depressed too....I get my "down days" when life is shoving it up my nose everytime I turn around, yea, I get plenty bummed...I posted a "doozy" of a post last night that I was taking the high road

just too many disappointments can do that, BUT, I have my program and I surrender me to my program...and I begin to feel better b/c I am thinking better and taking better care of me

I would try the meets, get a sponsor, get into the steps, get really cooking on the program THEN , if you are still having problems with the depression, than maybe a doctor visit is in order...

I thought I was clinically depressed and there is a test on line U can take, maybe "depression hurts" or something where you can take a test...and I found out it was not medical w/me, just a sucky and hardship laden life....

I just go one day at a time w/low expectations and take the best care of me that I can

growing up w/2 druggie parents would make anyone depressed in my opinion....being over loaded with drug users cannot be a happy situation....My sire and dam were drinkers, with her being the real BAD alkie.....and that was no fun to live with....2 brothers...1 alkie/druggie and the other alkie

I detach with love and peace from them....love the guy...detach from the disease...like i tell them "its your problem, you did this, you fix it" and I do not help them or enable them.....things are a lot better

please try alanon....if it can help me it can help anyone

ARod · Newbie

Neshema2

I've been depressed for a very long time but it's just gotten worse over time. I was on meds for a long time and I recently stopped taking them because I got pregnant (miscarried) and I just kept throwing them up and I never went back to taking them. I don't know if I am clinically depressed but it sure feels like it. I know I have a lot of changes to make in my life but I am feeling so overwhelmed with all the internal work I need to do. I don't want to go to the meetings with the expectation that over time it will cure my depression because what if it doesn't? I'm just trying to get a very good and realistic idea of what Alanon can do for me. Thank you for your time and words.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

ARod: If you go to meetings and keep an open mind, you will find help. We get so discouraged as a result of this diseased, we feel like nothing will help and don't want to set ourselves up for one more hoop to jump through that gets us nowhere. Al-Anon is a good source of help given your history and probably the only source of help that understands what you are going through. What you've experienced at this board is just a taste of what you can experience in face 2 face meetings. It's your choice, of course, to go or not to go. But there's not much to lose but an hour out of your day and a lot more to gain than that. Lots of support for you. We have on-line meetings here, too. The information, if you haven't been guided to it should be at the top of this board. We have meetings twice a day.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

ARod wrote:
I don't want to go to the meetings with the expectation that over time it will cure my depression because what if it doesn't? I'm just trying to get a very good and realistic idea of what Alanon can do for me. Thank you for your time and words.

ARod, why not just give alanon meets a chance???? what do you have to lose???? except your depression....I was sooo depressed and negative , OMG...it was so bad....my 1st suicide attempt was at age TEN....I hung myself...hanging was better than the hell I was living in...the maid saw me hanging and cut me down, resuscitated me and I was so angry at her

at 12, I took some sominex and drank mom's booze (seagrams-7) and drank till I passed out....I was out of it for 2 days...sick as a dog.......Again...FAiled to get out of my miserable life

These attempts to "help me out of here" happened more times ..Once, I tried to drive my mother's car off a cliff like thing in some rural town in MA where we were living..Didn't even know where the hell I was...I just drove and drove, not thinking, then I saw this VERY steep "cliff" looking terraine and I thought, yea, I'll just drive the car off this thing and I'll be gone.......Well someone with a bad sense of humour didn't allow me to end things....Some very thick and resilient bushes got caught in the undercarriage so I hung there.....some guys cruising around saw me and rescued me.....car had to be pulled off the bushes by a tow truck...I claimed I was lost (true) and that I panicked (not true) and had an "oops" (not true) ....it was a mess....I just could not succeed in DYING...i mean how hard is it to LEAVE??????

another time it was a bottle of my meds....my b.f. who was in fire dept. panicked after he rammed his fingers down my throat and forced me to regurgitate them and called the police...luckily for me, I knew the 2 young officers who came....they COULD have put me in state hospital for 72 hours, observation b/c it was a suicide attempt...I talked them out of it..Boyfriend promised that he would stay and watch over me...

I figured I was such a failure at suicide , so I just drank....4get trying to die....god was "getting even with me" or something for making me stay here

so the anger, remained....Someone on here said depression is anger turned inward and I can tell you I 10000% buy into that b/c I was about as angry as any young lady could be....I hated life....god...the situation I was in

it wasn't until recovery and those scary meetings and sponsor work and INTENSE 12 step work that I saw any hope and it was all within me.....All I had to do was create, for the first time, a relationship with me, get to know me, learn how and what screwed me up and what to do about "unscrewing" me....and depression began to lift...

I laugh more...I play more.....I trust my instincts more.....yes, I have my bad days...yesterday was a horrible day....didn't find any meets that I could get into..........THEN, to "test me" I guess..

I post here and noone had anything to say to me, until later when I had gone to work..A kind soul said something real nice to me......last night, I called my co-sponsor and SHE is out of town........I had NOBODY....not even my sisters who were both gone out...............I had to "ride" yesterday all evening out, essentially alone

one disappointment after another, yesterday, and I was depressed......sad.....but I just thought "ok, noone is on here......co-sponsor is out.....sisters are out.........I damn near went to mini market and got some beer, but i thought "NOPE...not gonna run....NOT gonna drink.....gonna let the emotions go through me.....I have always had to "take care of myself" and now I am gonna take care of myself.....I'm not really a believer so I don't pray, but I do believe their is a part of creation/creator within me.....so i just did a meditation...No beer....just me and my meditation....breathing in and out and I fell asleep....this am, I was tired, but better.....

I do hope you try the meetings.....if a person who was obsessed w/dying like I was can get better, than anyone can......I really did try to do it.......NOT to harm me or punish me , it was the only way I felt in my sick mind that I would be safe....in peace....but it was not my time...

looking back I am glad I did not die and take all that pain and sorrow and baggage with me on my next life.....glad to be dumping it here.....in this life.....

depression is unresolved pain and anger......resolve it...work it out....depression is manageable......I have my bad days, but they don't drag on and on and on......I take extra care of me and ride it out........

OK...I have told you some stuff that really is sensitive issue for me.....but as a fellow depressed person, I know what this program can do.....ya gotta give it a chance, I did and I am so much better..I confessed this to you b/c I know how you feel...I really know how sucky depression is....WE CAN overcome....together, WE CAN.

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

hi hon, you said recently you went off your med? If you did not go to your doc and discuss it, it could easily be withdrawal. Please please call your doc and get help! If you were nauseated when you tried to go back on, it sounds like you did not talk to doc?

Anti depressants are very powerful. I don't know what kind you were on, but some can cause some awful things when you do not go off them properly.

I am very sad you lost a possible child honey.That in itself can be devistating!

Not kidding you sound like my son and he went off his meds.

A couple years ago I went off mine. I did it slow, at six months of it I could not get out of bed. So so sick. no joy no nothing. I took off to stay at a cabin for awhile.
Ended up going back on them. I never ever want to feel like that again! suicide was always on my mind. But I knew i just did not want things to be how they were.

Depression is an illness. NOT your fault. Just some kind of chemical imbalance.

I invite you to get to your doc asap! they take awhile sometimes to kick in, but you will feel better. It will give you hope. Please keep coming back. I have been here so many years my hair is starting to turn grey! Believe me these wonderful people care so very much!

Hang on! My friend had to come get me and take me to my doc I was so so down. Don't be afraid to ask for help!

We are all sisters and brothers, connected, you are important!!!! please check back lots. love,debilyn hoping you stick here! You can also pm us if you want more one on one sharing!

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.