My very first time reaching out as a long-time girlfriend to an alcoholic - Al-Anon Family Group

mallie · Member

My very first time reaching out as a long-time girlfriend to an alcoholic

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

At 7 years with an alcoholic similar to what you described, I just stepped out on my own. I had lots of support from going to meetings and so forth. You know what to do if this is what you know you want deep down and you are ready for it. Pray, and proceed to do what you feel is best. Alanon is there to support you.

mallie · Member

I just typed a lengthy reply -- it's gone now

... but thank you so much for writing back.

mallie · Member

Where does one go without a job, car, or money?

Mimi3 · Senior Member

Do you go to face to face alanon meetings?

If not, look up the hotline # in your phone book and see where they are in your area:)

You will be amazed how much better life can be with attending meetings, getting a sponsor

& working the steps:) YOU don't have to go through all of this alone!!:)

We are a great group, I hope you choose to join us:)

Prayers & HUGS to you~

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

A women's shelter would be one temporary option maybe. I would maybe suggest a domestic violence help organozation since you described him being crazed and screaming. They might then refer you to vocational counseling. In the meanwhile alanon meetings are free. Build more stable supports there.

mallie · Member

Thank you again - I am well familiar with the locations of the shelters - and I probably will be putting myself on a list to live in one very soon - landlord wants his rent .. gee, what a surprise. I am researching the closes Alanon meeting location to me -- it doesn't seem to be public transportation friendly !
But I won't give up and I thank you.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

My experience with Al-Anon groups in my area is that some people are willing to give somebody a ride to a meeting. Calling the Al-Anon number listed in the white pages of your phone book might help you find a person who lives close to you and will give you a ride?

mallie · Member

thanks much

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

You don't need money for the meeting either. Just go and be there with others who have been through it, too.

mallie · Member

Thanks so much to you and everyone for tagging for me. After I get myself to a meeting I promise to share my great experience.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

pinkchip wrote:
At 7 years with an alcoholic similar to what you described, I just stepped out on my own. I had lots of support from going to meetings and so forth. You know what to do if this is what you know you want deep down and you are ready for it. Pray, and proceed to do what you feel is best. Alanon is there to support you.

I 100% agree with PC , here.....You know in your heart of hearts, what you need to do to have a better life...w/out a program, he is going to progress to worse...things will get WORSE...that I can guarantee w/out his being in AA

I am very sorry you lost your condo....thankfully I ddin't own property until my 2nd A Husband, but the place was in myname...he was in navy so he "controlled" his drinking, but I knew things were getting bad w/his drinking.....I told him AA or get out...Leave....He left, rather than get into program....Now this house is paid off b/c I decided to "go it alone" until such a day comes when there is a clean/ healthy guy, I will be able to handle it now.....NO more alkies for me.....

I still love my AH #2, but I will not live with someone who would have eventually taken me down with him and thats what they will do IF you let them

alanon doesn't say go or stay....it teaches us to live for us...focus on us...take care of us...work the program adn the meets and the steps, for US....NOT them....I stepped out on my own and have not looked back.....program is my companion, and I have a lot of good reovery mates i can work with when I need support....

and the meetings, too.....please save you, get going in alanon and work it....the more you work it the faster and better you will heal within you

PEACE

mallie · Member

Your kind words of support and encouragement is sooo very appreciated. When "he" was living with me in my condo, I cannot tell you how many times I told him he had to get out ... he would say to me "make me" -- once I put his clothes out on the porch in a suitcase - locked the door -- naturally, he nearly beat the door down. In order to have him leave, I was told that in the state of Virginia, anyone that has personal belongings that have been in a home for 30 days or more is considered a TENANT -- whether they pay anything or not!!! My recourse -- was to go to the courthouse, file papers, mail him a certified letter to VACATE -- just like a landlord has to do .. can you believe this? Now, of course, upon opening a certified letter telling him to vacate was not going to make him leave. I had never, ever experienced police coming to my home in all my life, but that happened, on more than one occasion -- the cops would come in and "he" would sit on the couch like everything was just fine .. and the cops would SIDE with him.

I will be seeking out how I can connect with somebody to get a ride to/from a meeting. I used to own a great little convertible -- that's gone -- the engine needed total rehaul and the car wasn't worth the amount it would cost to fix it (this being 6 years ago). At least the car was paid off. I was close to purchasing another car and luckily, I didn't enter into anything because I lost my job soon after.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, Mallie. If we provide the willingness, HP will provide the way. I am glad that you are serious about attending a meeting. I've made major decisions that I've labored over for awhile by receiving clarity I've needed just sitting in a meeting and listening. Amazing when that happens.

My experience in life has also been that when my resources are depleting/depleted on (m)any level(s), my HP steps in in ways I can only credit my HP as doing. I'm one who keeps my finances, etc to myself and I can't tell you how many times in my lifetime, something amazing has occurred that only my HP and I knew about. I still had to do what I could do to meet my own needs, but when I reached the end of what I can do, HP always steps in.

Meetings on-line can be a big help to you, too. Keep coming back.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of August 2013 08:42:01 PM

-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 3rd of August 2013 08:44:02 PM

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