The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I attend meetings one time a week here and boy, tonight did I ever need it. My AH has been struggling lately, which sets off my triggers. I know better than to get into his business...but sometimes, it is SO hard to keep my mouth shut!!!! I have been working really hard at detaching from it... It's has been going on for a few weeks now and he asked me today ..."Who are you? I feel like I do not know you anymore." Wow! I thought I was doing a pretty good job after I realized what I was doing a week ago, (Getting in his business) but now I am realizing that instead of detaching, I was shutting down and distancing myself from him. It is such a fine line and after living through the craziness for many years, it is SO hard sometimes to remember what the "normal" response should be. Hopefully after tonight, my head is back on the way it should be...... Yep...I am definitely a lifer in this program! Thanks for letting me share.... Thank you Lord, for this program, I am grateful.
Thanks for sharing about your positive experience from attending a meeting. Funny how just an hour in a meeting can really help to find clarity and restore our sanity. I'm very grateful for this program too.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Shutting down and distancing vs. loving detachment--yes what a struggle! For me, I realized that the shutting down was a defense mechanism so that the pain of watching my AH struggle with the disease wouldn't hurt so much...the detachment allowed some of the pain back in, but some of the real and genuine feelings of love as well. Cunning and baffling indeed!
Thank you for your share today; it's been a while since I've been to a f2f, you have inspired me to get to a meeting!
I remember how hard it was at first to keep my mouth shut and NOT tell him the right way to handle things. Then I learned to say it only once because if I said it twice it was nagging. Then I learned to just nod and say "uh huh", or nothing at all. It took a while for him to notice but then he started pointedly asking my advice...... how to handle situations. Even when I thought he was on a wrong path I had to let it go and let his HP handle it..... well that would be the ideal way to handle it, but it takes so much practice to keep the mouth shut. I don't always live up to the ideals, but I try.
Shutting down and distancing vs detachment (loving or not) are some of the hardest things to learn in alanon. A healthy middle ground is what I try to find.
Thanks for letting me share.... Thank you Lord, for this program, I am grateful.