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OMG I cannot believe it....this program is a miracle....
I am reading the various posts about the "forgiveness" word and how giving up the hate/revenge/ill will/resentment, et al, only hurts me...
I thought about all this....RE read the whole thread and I discovered something......
B4 I walked away from organized religion and christian councellors who did, I think more damage to me than not, I was told that I had to "4give" him and not just that but to think of something GOOD about him, or I would never be forgiven....
I struggled with this and I just threw up my hands and said "I CANT .....in all honesty I CANT 4give this man"
BUT BUT, I CAN give up the, as Betty and Bettina said, I CAN give up the hate, resentment, ill will, revenge, anger, etc....I CAN do that
I went into a meditation and I just told my HP within me "I am willing to give up all of the above, and PLEASE take this away from my heart so I don't keep hurting me"
I told HP that to release the above mentioned, I CAN and WANT to do...I am WILLING
and I just saw me releasing it off me.....just letting it go....sending the hate/ill will/resentment/revenge away from me....Like watching it go from my chest away from me.
giving them over, ALL of my (now either dead or dumped by me) bio family giving them all over to karma.....
I was struggling with something that NO WAY can I do, but I CAN to the releasing thing......I feel like I got free....i feel like I can cleanse me of the residual CRAP that I have been carrying b/c I am sooo worth it being free adn they are soooo NOT worth it...
I figure 4giveness is a by product of recovery....Not necessary to recover but the above mentioned feelings I NEED to and am WILLING to let go.....give over.....
I really think I got "stuck" on something I just cannot do.........some crimes are just NOT forgiveable.....and I have to be honest w/me and accept, I can never forgive some certain crimes......but I CAN work through my feelings, come to acceptance that this is what it is or was and I can never change it or give me back my losses, but I can release............let go..........so it does not continue to cost me
Today I had a hell of a meditation.....went swimming....stayed in my body and enjoyed the water going over my body as I swam my different strokes....I dove under and swam on the bottom of the pool, looking at the strange yet kinds neat way it looks under the water, the small cracks and the little chips, rust stains here and there on the bottom.....I am trolling the bottom of the pool, totally fascinated with the world under the water.......no worries....no cares.....just having fun
THANK you ((((((((((((((JERRY))))))))))) for starting the topic you did.....You have NO idea how much yours and ALL of you posting on that thread.........don't want to name b/c I may leave out a name and be sad...so ALL of you THANKS.........
WOW...........I CAN I CAN I CAN get free of the toxic holding hate and revenge.......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
What a wonderful, healing experience...some would call it a mystical experience but the label does not matter as the outcome was huge. There are times when I ask my HP for the willingness to release/forgive or to even send the love I do not feel I can send. ((hugs))
I don't hate my ex.... I don't know when I came to that point though, years ago. I learned to hate the disease, not him. I can separate the two. I do still get frustrated though.... Why do I need to list the reasons he has to live? Why can't he see that he has several?
But I have had to learn that I can't control him or his drinking. I have also learned that I deal with him on MY terms!
Sometimes I question if I have done enough to help him, but they can only get sober if they want to.
But at the end of the day I can look at myself in the mirror and my kids in their eyes and say "yes, I helped as much as my mental and emotional health would allow!
