Book for AH - Al-Anon Family Group

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Book for AH

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Venera

I do agree that giving an alcoholic a "Book" to read does not help the situation unless he is asking for information and receptive to it.

If you are attending alanon face to face meetings there are many phamphlets that you could pick up that provide helpful information for everyone. A few that I found helpful were:

Alcoholism the Family Disease

The Merry Go Round Named Denial

The Three Faces of alcoholism

You could bring these home talk about how helpful they are for you and then just leave them around.

The best book for an alcoholics to read is the" Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous". It was written by the founder of AA and is very powerful . It describes the disease and how an alcoholic can determine if he is one and how to recover.

It is available at all AA meetings and on line.

Good Luck

-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 29th of July 2013 09:43:25 AM

Venera · Senior Member

Guys, is there a good book to give my AH to read? And what is the best way to give him? Thanks!

Jackie11 · ~*Service Worker*~

Even with the best of intentions in giving the book to him, let me ask you this. If you give him a book will he read it? If you give him the book and he doesn't read it, are you going to be upset?

I wrote letter after letter to my AH trying to get him to see what "his problem" was. It wasn't until I got into Al-Anon and started reading for me, and only me, that I started finding my serenity.

It's a wonderful idea, but keeping the focus on you is an even better idea.

Thank you for letting me share.

Venera · Senior Member

I am reading for myself a lot, trying to learn how to do my own recovery. He is not doing anything, but I think he could at least read something, so i thought i would get him a book. No hopes or expectations, i understand the book wont change anything, but at least there will be something to look at.

Aloha · ~*Service Worker*~

I had to pull myself in any time I tried to do ANYTHING that would even hint at my trying to get the A to change.

I could fool myself into saying "Oh, I'm giving this to him with no expectations attached." But if I paused and checked my motives and was honest with myself, I would realize a gift like that really was just another way I was trying to manipulate the A so he could change and I could finally feel happy.

If the A wants change, he will seek it himself.

All I can do is keep the focus on me and work at what it is that keeps giving me the urge to change others instead of taking care of myself.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I like the pamphlet idea, just like "oh I found these and they really helped me" and then you just leave them hanging around w/NO more talk about it

re: the book?? Unless he has asked for it?? I would, also, check my motives...Why are you doing it?? what do you expect him to react or hope he will react????

I know you wanna help him, but unless an A asks for help...expresses a desire for ESH on what to do about his problem, its kinda useless to be "offering" him stuff unless he asks for it

They get really defensive , otherwise....They don't think they have a problem, a lot of times., or it is so buried under rationalization or minimization, they still don't see what we see

I wouldn't do it, if it were me...I would not waste my time UNLESS he ASKS about "hey what do they teach you in alanon, what kind of books can I read???" or something that shows he wants to get help

I would , instead of that, just keep working my program....let him ask or not ask, drink or not drink, it is his life and there is nothing you can do to "lead him to the water" so to speak....you can only work on you....change you....modify you......he has to make his own choices

Also, he may really get pissed and resist in a nasty way if you give him this book.....I think I would leave it alone.......you say you think he could "at least read something" sounds to me, deep down, you are hoping the fish will take the bait.....to me that is a set up for resenting him.....I would leave it alone...Unless, of course, he asks....

Venera · Senior Member

Hi! Thanks all for your comments, all valuable!!! After reading all, I decided not to bother about the book. He is a big boy and knows how to read/order/research etc... Thanks all!!!

-- Edited by Venera on Tuesday 30th of July 2013 01:56:45 PM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Living sober and the big book of alcoholics anonymous would be my recommendations. it will not hurt for him to have these but if he is not ready it probably won't help either

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.