The material presented
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Just wanted to share where I am under a different thread rather than the original "am desperate" post. Simply because .... I am no longer desperate
so dad has turned a real corner health wise - up walking for the first time in over 10 days - no more paranoid chat about the doctors or nurses being up to something behind his back or "this is not dt's it's something else" asking after grandchildren & acknowledges that everything in his life has got out of hand and worried about his job all good signs. Now am not naive enough to thinking that this means he is ok or even ready to reach out for help but think he is in a more likely place to do so now than he has ever been and we managed to talk about his drinking on the phone without him getting angry ( a new sensation) so I am cautiously hopeful that he may take steps towards recovery.
however regardless of if he does......or doesn't I am not going to fix him. I have had a very difficult last 6 months, personally and financially, had that not been the case I would have been over there on the first plane - and achieved what ??? Also my dad is ex military and ex police and has lived through some very scary moments and maybe it's taken "this" for him to appreciate his own mortality and so I am trusting that HP is responsible for taking him to this stage and stopping me from being able to go rushing in ( with " red light on head" flashing - thank to grateful2be for that quote its one that sums me up so well).
am continuing to read all I can about al anon and looking forward to attending my first meeting next week - wish I had found you guys 30 yrs ago when my mum died and this all started but tomorrow is a fresh new day, and I intend to live it to the best of my abilities
am starting to get an glimpse of the peace that this recovery could bring to my life
Your wisdom, and courage speaks volumes. We are indeed powerless but not at all helpless. I am so happy that you will continue to come here and are planning on attending alanon meetings. They saved my sanity and life.
Thanks so much for the update on your Dad and on you. I am so glad you are choosing Al-Anon for yourself. Keep coming back here, too. Big hug from across the seas.
Isn't it awesome how we are affected by the disease...when it's on and when it's off. Sister you're doing good...listening and learning and that is what we have had to do also. Blessings to your father...I pray that he got a poke from his Higher Power and got the motivation and the desire and the energy to "change the things he can". That he has a loving and concerned and powerless daughter is an extra...much more than just icing on the cake. Now he can appreciate your love and care and now it can feel soooo much more valuable. Blessings. Alcoholism is the nastiest, must cunning, powerful and baffling disease and I pray this is his and yours and the families "coming to understand". This is good news. Have a great first meeting and I wish for you the very first miracle in recovery I got from my first meeting. The promise that "If I keep and open mind...I would find help". Help is all I needed and I've received it beyond my wildest dreams. Keep coming back and passing on what you learn because that is how we keep each other alive. (((((hugs)))))
I haven't been on here much lately but it's uplifting to read about someone seeing a little more light. have to say one of the alanon steps talks about becoming Entirely Ready. When I walked through the doors of Alanon I was Entirely ready to receive the help and support of the Alanon fellowship. Looking back, however, when I too have said I wish I had found this program 30 years ago, I know at that point in my life, I wouldn't have been Entirely ready in the same way I am today. I am Glad to read you are going to meetings. Every newcomer is Such a Blessing !!
So dad is out of hospital in a skilled nursing centr to get him ready for going home- he will not have had a drink for over 2 weeks now which is probably the longest in over 25 years
Had a very frank and open conversation last night with him - probably the first ever - where I challenged him on his drinking there was a lot of denial " I f just have a couple of beers a night" and admission " started drinking whiskey again , after 18 yrs, a couple of months ago" i also asked him if he would consider an AA meeting " i dont think i could stand up an talk in front of people" i said why dont you go & just listen and see if its for you ???? no answer......so ended the call with I love you very much but I can't fix you
Today - " I am going to stop drinking" were his first words on the phone ( this has never been said before lots of promises in the past but never any around alcohol )
I said do you want me to fly over ( not to fix but to help him) his answer - no it's a question of will power and I just need to do it"
I know I need to let him find his own path but am praying so hard (it feels like intervention ) that someone from aa reaches out to him or he discovers them
i am still as you can clearly see still on step 1 but not flying over and taking charge is a major change in my behaviour for the last 30 yrs. -
