Keeping score - Al-Anon Family Group

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Keeping score

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

I not a craver of human attention, but I can relate

I never was good enough at the family of origin....always felt like I had to prove myself....I would see others get praise, see them achieve what I knew I had the smarts to do, but either my reticence with people or my lack of self esteem would win out

re: the facebook...I get a twinge when I hear some older gal, like me talking about her good relationship and she doens't have to struggle anymore b/c 2 are pulling the plow instead of just one , like me.....yea, Facebook I am cutting back on it

I will stay to broadcast homeless animals and missing kids, follow high profile trials and look at the pics of my fam. out of state, but thats it...

cutting waay back on it and doing more showing up here and recovering....

I guess as kids, in our situations, we all have the tendency to feel "less then' and we "gotta" show the world that we are not...

Facebook, someone on here told me on my post...oh yea, they don't mention the screwups and teh fight they had with their old man and vacation ruined b/c he was an ahole.....

they only show the gloss and glimmer...never show their true selves like we do here

Hey Slogan, u r KEY to this place...U feel like U gotta prove something here??? b/c you DONT.....I like U JUST the way you are........NO returns......I really love your honesty and you tell it like it is...do you know how important and valuable a trait that is???? screw the limelight...Give me an honest, hardworking, sincere person and I can be friends with that kind biggrin biggrin biggrin

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Slogan Jim

One of the most important alanon slogans is "Identify and do not compare" . This has helped me to stay in my own life, look for the similarities in each person that I meet and then validate myself in the process.

When" I compare I despair "-===Another helpful slogan.

ilovedogs · ~*Service Worker*~

I've never heard that one, Betty. Jim, I can totally relate to your post, though. I used to be an aerobics instructor and then a yoga instructor and I loved teaching, but I think I loved it because I got attention. I am open to having that part of me exposed because I know it's not healthy and I know where it's roots come from. My parents were extremely neglectful, my dad was an alcoholic, and I didn't realize how much I craved positive affirmations from those I love.

Also, I am on FB and if you saw my page, you'd never know what was going on behind closed doors at my home. Not that I put forth a false self, I just don't dump all the crap and negative from my life on FB. So, what you see on FB is not always the full picture and it's really not a good idea to compare yourself when you don't know the whole picture. Be gentle with yourself and take some time to just learn who you are and what people really like about you.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi, SJ: You are describing one of the characteristics of ego - the false self. Betty has given you a very good tool to help yourself return to peace.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Self doubt Jim....I use to feel and think and do the same thing until I learn to reach out and ask others what they thought, or heard or "get" from me...The self doubt went away and still for those times that I got feedback that left room for growth I still understood that the response to my question for help was given in love and that is great verification.

I do love Betty's response. That was what helped other grow. "Identify and do not compare"...rocket science.

((((hugs)))) smile

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

I can relate Jim. Some wounds heal but leave scars. I always felt like the black sheep and not as smart as my sisters. So I have some of that constant desire to prove myself also. Sometimes it works in my favor, sometimes not. Sometimes it's all just part of what makes me me and sometimes it takes the form of baggage. I just try and stay centered and be kinder to myself these days.

In The Forest · Veteran Member

I was just telling someone the other day that I don't think most people's lives on Facebook are really as exciting as they would like you to think. If your life is really that exciting and fulfilled you do not have time to post everything on Facebook because you are too busy living.

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

This is one of those issues running within me, too. It is part of the make-up of me (and there is nothing wrong or bad, it just is, yet it no longer has any power over me, because it has been brought into the light for me to see. Then when I am faced with a choice to do something, I ask, myself, "is this coming from that place of "not enoughness"? By having an ongoing inventory in place, I can check in. When I can't see clearly and I get muddled up about my choices, I check in with my sponsor or another person whom I trust. By being honest through this post about that which you see within you, you have shone the light on it. Love it and say "thanks for sharing" when it pops up, and it will pop up!

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I only post the good and fun things going on fb not the bad things. Keep in mind that what you are seeing is mostly the good and most people do not air their garbage there, although some friends do and that is just awkward for me to see them not keeping it private and being dramafied. I am going to school and I update my friends and family about my grades and classes, pictures of my kids at things we are going to, but I in no way mean to make anyone feel badly about themselves ever! I am not trying to compete with anyone on fb, because I running my own race as a single mom, student, employee and so much more. Sending you love and support!

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