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I'm in a thank you God moment. I think it's to good to be true. Just waiting for the ball to drop on my head and I will wake up. I will not get my hopes up yet.
My son stopped by this evening. He wanted to let me know he has a place to live, free room and board. 3 squares a day working on a horse ranch from 6am to 1pm 5 days a week. This place lets you have a second job if you so choose. Make extra money helping clients with their needs and their horses...tips. He can take his bed and dresser, laptop and guns. He will learn to ride horses so he can exercise them. He will be fixing whatever needs fixing, cleaning stalls and basically doing whatever needs to be done. He can work with the dogs and feed the pigs. Play with the monkey and feed the chickens. He can work on the herb gardens. This place cavespringsranch.webs.com is a 501(c) and takes in men down on their luck. My son said it's quite a place that helps many. He also told them everything about himself and what he has gone through. The employer said there is no alcohol or drugs allowed on the property so don't even thing about doing it or your gone.
Another thing he will only be 15 minutes from me ...not a hour away. He's to start next Monday and they will help him get his stuff up there. Then the next week they will give him time to meet his dad so they can move the rest of his belongs to Prescott. His dad is going to store them until he's able to live on his own again.
I told him he's one lucky SOB.... he has his chance now. I said I was very happy and glad he is making some good choices.
Now I will Let Go and Let God continue to do his job.
PS: I think I need to buy him a cowboy hat.....yeah right lol.
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Tuesday 23rd of July 2013 09:58:02 PM
-- Edited by Cathyinaz on Wednesday 24th of July 2013 01:59:03 PM
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Well done! And he worked it out on his own. Wonderful. Now what will you do for you today? Something relaxing and fun, I hope.
((((((((((((())))))))))))
Laura
(((Cathy))) This is such great news for him and for you. He saw the opportunity that Providence offered and walked through the door!!!!! What a smart, awake son you have! Buy that hat!!!! You'll look great in it as you do a victory dance! You stood back and let HP work! Thank you, HP!!!!
Cathy...you are growing...I recognize the journey as I have been there myself. When I was there it continued to reveal to me that I was "other" focused and more appropriately "other" focused. Appropriately because I was loving the new positiveness in "other" peoples lives and my own and my alcoholic/addict. Appropriately because I became aware of the miriad of alternatives that were open to "others" and myself and that there wasn't only one opportunity available and so very many. Choices...mine, yours, theirs with but one that always owned me, the choice to drink or use drugs. He's made a different choice and everyone in the stands of his arena who were/are cheering and praying jump up and cheer and scream approval and I come to understand that maybe my alcoholic/addicts choice to change came as a result of her own prayers. I know that alcoholics and addicts pray...they drink...they use...they pray during the negative consequences...I know that...I've done it myself. God answers prayer I believe without bias...it's prayer no matter who it comes from or at what time and in response God says "here try this one" (one of many solutions) and we either choose to follow thru or dring and use instead. Most of all of the answers to my prayers have been ab out what it was that I needed for the moment rather than what I wanted forever. What makes the answers to my prayers ongoing is my choice to continue to practice with it and want it.
I like this post because I relate to sobriety coming from within giving rather than taking. He can and will be "out focused"...out of him-self-and into others...not a part of the problem as much and into the solution more. Soooo very good for him. I pray that he finds the creator within his work. I am grateful for people (angels) who arrive with opportunities for miraculous change. Angels ride horses...go figure and bless them. I do. Take care of yourself still...falling in the garage isn't a health practice. (((((hugs)))))
Praying he sticks w/it and doesn't get kicked off....U know animals have a way of being theraputic for a person..
I always said that my horses were my therapy and that is true...they eased my anxiety, they held back my ptsd......they were soo awesome , I have owned them all my life...and I soo miss the farm atmosphere.....so serene and therapeutic
Remember, Cathy, one day at a time....We get all up then get smashed down, so I know...You will be cautiously hopeful..........we can send prayers and good energy but the ball is in his court.....
I am soo relieved that you got this good news........prayin he makes it.....this is probably the best atmosphere he could possible be in......what about program work??? do they have meets where he is??? hope so. and hope he works , not everyone gets a chance like this to turn their lives around
HUGSSSSS
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I can't stop but I have so much anxiety right now. I'm doing the "what ifs". Go figure. Also waiting for that great big ole ball to hit me squarely in the face.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I can't stop but I have so much anxiety right now. I'm doing the "what ifs". Go figure. Also waiting for that great big ole ball to hit me squarely in the face.
thats the good Ole "Coda" kicking in.....I know for me, I just have to stop and "savor each bite" becuz life does change...it can go sour in a minute good the next......
With m e, I am so used to disappointment and my happiness not lasting, that I do the same thing, but ya know???? if other folks can get on a good run, why not me???? so just enjoy the ride..your on an up.....so enjoy it.....This is exactly why I don't get too "up" and too "down" its hard, but i try to stay in the middle so I am not feeling manic-depressive as life caresses me one minute...and bashing me the 2nd
Its hard for me to be positive....really its habit, I guess, b/c the ole "ball hit me in the face soo many times"
I just try to stay in the moment....good or bad...stay in the moment...all that drama going on w/me over the weekend....I just detached and stayed in my body,and enjoyed the water on me when I swam......projecting into the future robs me of the right now...and dwelling on the past robs me , too........whats REALLY hard is my not wanting to escape when crap goes bad.....omg...I have the urge to "go away" in my head....
I know its hard, but just try to savor this while it lasts, may it work for the long term and he gets help.....projecting ruins the good times.....so I would just take care of me, nurture me and do my grateful list.....
You can't do anything else but stay in the now and just keep giving it over and over and over till you don't feel the "what ifs"
I sure can relate to this post....More than you can imagine....I wonder if that is why my happy times are so "few" is b/c I sabotage them w/the negative "what ifs?????" Its like I don't *dare* to be happy b/c its just gonna go away, anyway......I need to practice when stuff is good. to stop... enjoy....give thanks.....shut out any negativity.....and let what will be be.....
take care.....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Cathy: I get the anxiety and the what ifs. It has helped me to remember that no matter how many what if scenarios play out in my mind - HP will be there to help me face and deal with whatever happens when it happens. Then, I find something to do that relaxes me or requires focus that takes my mind off the future and my son. And my son has never said this to me, but I think he feels relief when he knows I'm focused on making my own life happy as I can and not worrying about him. Not easy, but I try to do it for me and for him in faith that it helps him as it helps me.
That is awesome news.. As we all need to carry faith for our selfs and our love ones.. His HP is guiding him the right direction. My son too lives on a ranch by choice but dies not get paid for it. This is a Christian base program with AA / NA meetings. But the skills that he is learning is what a man needs to know. He is very in touch with his HP. I do not know if you read my post " when he got kicked out of the program " over a week ago as I was driving 3 1/2 hours to go get him one thing I stuck to was home was not an option. He did not do anything major , but in the pastors eyes it was to teach him he needs to humble himself before he speaks. That evening I was so sick to my stomach that nothing he said was going to change of how I felt because of all the damage he caused and created. But he prayed to our Jesus Christ and he humbled himself called his pastor and god does hear us because he said I want sobriety for myself to be that dad I need to be for my daughter and he was able to go back the very next day. I spoke with him last Saturday and he sounded sad but I did not ask why? I just said I love you and will visit you soon. I know and feel the pain of all mothers that have children in this disease. My ex AH which is my sons father. For some reason it was easy for my to pack my stuff take my child and leave and never look back mind you that was 20 years ago, but to let go of my son as fast as I did his father is so much harder.. I have you both in my prayers. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have faith.. God bless :)
Releasing our children is harder than their Dads. We were never responsible for their Dad's lives, but we were for our children's lives. Letting go of what we gave our lives to do with sick kids - adults or not - requires an act of faith and trust and self-denial that wasn't required with our spouses.
And we can't do that without total trust in a power greater than ourselves and others who are there or who have been there. It's one thing to let go of healthy kids with their future mapped out in ways we can see it. It's another to let go of our kids. I think its the hardest thing I've ever done on this faith journey. If anybody found it easy to do, I haven't met them yet. Have any of you? If so, what was their secret?
Since my son's sobriety I have been waiting for the other shoe to drop...I have not been able to really celebrate. I think about him and worry about him, but not as much as when he was drinking. It has been such a learned reaction for so many years...and I need to change that, I am the only one that can stop worrying. My worrying is the way I choose to react. And I HAVE CHOICES....
I AM NOT IN CONTROL never have been never will be..., after all that is what I asked my HP when I gave my son up to him. What ever happens, happens, so while I am still around I have to make the best of the gift of life that God gave me...because I ain't getting any younger. In support Oldergal
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
He called me and was so worried and the anxiety was great. He is white knuckling it so it's just a matter of time before he gives in. He doesn't have the strength as far as I know. He needs support but he is going it alone. I can only pray he can do it but my doubts are huge.
I have been praying for my peace to overcome my fear because it's not doing a thing for me or him.
At my meeting I was happy and crying all in 5 minutes. I have support just need to take advantage of it.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
He called me and was so worried and the anxiety was great. He is white knuckling it so it's just a matter of time before he gives in. He doesn't have the strength as far as I know. He needs support but he is going it alone. I can only pray he can do it but my doubts are huge.
I have been praying for my peace to overcome my fear because it's not doing a thing for me or him. At my meeting I was happy and crying all in 5 minutes. I have support just need to take advantage of it.
(((((((((((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))))) I hear ya lady friend....and yea, white knuckle is NOT a bookkmakers dream, I am hoping he gets into program and fast....it seems he WANTS to break free but yea, he needs to get into AA real fast......I totally understand your doubts....when you have been clobbered enough, you just become a "cynic" like me, LOL, BUT working MY program, I can keep my negativity in check...I can look at it...sort out what is rational and what isn't....what I can do with the doubt or what I cannot do.......and I just lean on others for support when I feel weak, work my program and hope for the best......worrying does me no good but add to my anxiety.....I am really being "hit up" a lot with detaching detaching........tossing it off me and into the universe......I hate being powerless, lol, but I have to accept it...I have to say "this is fact...I can't do anything so I may as well LET GO" let the chips fall where they may.......it sucks...I know...and I am soooo sorry you are hurting...You are such a nice lady....loving mom.....life can suck, but we gotta deal , thank goodness we have each other and the program, or I would be nuts by now......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I know the feeling of the worries , fears and the what if's and some has told those are "sins". But to me those are also emotions that have been caused by my sons disease..But I pray for us all to keep together and continue to set the boundaries, but yet to have love and support and have faith in our higher power to guide all of us where god intends us to be.. I live hour by hour and pray that he for himself and his daughter that he continues his path of sobriety.. I know we all want this for our love ones. I thought many times my son would have learned and said this so and so ( jail, overdose or his supervised visits) taught me a lesson, but what truly made him realize he was done. Was when I told him to leave with the clothes on his back and he did and he was not in the right state of mind and I truly thought that night I was going to hurt me. He later that night went to our neighbors and said call my mom and tell her I want help. It's cost me not being able to see my grand child.. But I have faith in god that it will be as he needs it to be.
Cathy does he know where the phone is and the phone book? Can he look up the hotline number for AA central in his area? Next time you talk with him tell him that you heard this great idea if he wants to try it and then ask him those two questions...then of course let him go again or still. ((((hugs))))