The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My wedding anniversary was yesterday. Ever since my ex and I got married, I have taken my annual vacation time over our anniversary. Since we do our vacation bids at work in October and I moved out of our home in November, my vacation was already bid for during our anniversary. I could have changed it but the kids and I made plans for during this time and we have been keeping busy with a friend that came to visit from France.
Yesterday would have been 7 years. A part of me was hopeful that he would send me an email, something, anything really to acknowledge us. I don't know why I thought he would since we are divorced. I am sure he never even noticed the date. He did not notice it when we were married, why would he now. I still hold a deep amount of love for him and what we had. I realized when I got up this morning and the first thing I did was check my email to see if he contacted me that I still have not let go as much as I should have and had wanted to by now. I know that I am still a work in progress and have a long way to go. I don't think of him much anymore and for the most part am doing well. The passing of this date was hard for me. I think I miss the idea of the marriage, not really him in it. I actually know that is what it is more than him.
I have been building better skills at relationships and learning to set the right boundaries, following my gut on those red flags we all tend to just let flutter in the wind and ignore. I just wish I could find the magic button that would get me through all of this.
I always was big on anniversary's and had high expectations and was usually let down, so these days I love the fact that when these days come I can plan them and follow through with them without any drama. It has gotten easier for me with time and practice with my al-anon tools. Sending you love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I'm not divorced however it's been 18 months that he's been out of the house and it's still hard on those anniversary's (we've passed two of them) .. I wonder the what if's and if only's creep up on me. I really have to focus on who he has shown me to be, not what I want to believe he can be. It's really easy to build those fantasies about how I want or wanted it to be .. those aren't real. I really don't have a lot of positive feelings at the moment towards him as things have not ended on a good note. Much support and love your way.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
yea, I can get "nostalgic" at times, on certain dates, re: my 2nd AH, but I work my program, contact someone close, do something nice for me and it is fading
it gets less and less as the time goes by......I do stuff for me, try to enjoy life as much as I can afford to and let it go
yea, I can relate...It will get better as you work the program and time.....like you said, we are all works in progress..
Keep on keepin on
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I still remember my anniversary date. It was a rite of passage for me. It happened a long time ago and it was significant to my life and what I did with my life thereafter. So, I also remember it. Not with feelings anymore. Just memories of who I was then and who I've become now. If I hadn't married the person I did marry - the children and grandchild that have graced my life - wouldn't have been born. I wouldn't have taken the risks that I did. I wouldn't have grown in the ways that I have. So, when the anniversary date comes and goes, I remember it - but only gently now. It took me awhile to get there.
Grateful2be - what an amazing way to look at it. While we have no children together, there were things from my marriage that I gained. I have sat here and thought of the positives that I have been able to take from that marriage. I did get something out of it. And while he hurt me so deeply, there was also good times. I am finally at a point that I can think of those and remember that it had its good points. I miss that part and am starting to realize that it will come some day for me, that I will find a healthy relationship with a healthy partner, who can treat me with respect and kindness. The kind of person that I know I deserve and that can give me in my life all the time what he was only able to give me in the small glimpses of sober moments when he would fight the disease.
Dear Cinders: You have a such a good start on that dream of yours being in Al-Anon and working through whatever ways that disease affected you. Happy anniversary to you and to your life as you are living it now with maybe a little more compassion for folks? A little more empathy? A little more understanding of alcoholism? You sound like a person who has her head square on her shoulders and held high with dignity and self-respect? Maybe this marriage and the results of that helped you care for you even more, too? You survived a difficult marriage and admitted it wasn't working for you. I think those are signs of a woman of strength and integrity. Best wishes to you as you celebrate how much you value yourself.
