Am I naive? - Al-Anon Family Group

laurab · Senior Member

Am I naive?

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Laura, have you ever heard of a God box? Its like a container that you make out of a shoe box or what ever. It is to represent all those questions that only your HP has the answer to. Your question would be one that I would say belongs in that God box. No. You are not naive and your son is pretty typical of a struggling dually diagnosed person. It stinks. Both of his illnesses are such that he desperately wants to believe he does not have them and can be "normal." I spent years trying to go off my meds and self medicating mental health problems. It should have been obvious that I was making both problems worse. It probably was obvious to everyone else. Yet even with degrees in psychology I was blind to my own addiction for so long. Alcohol made me feel good for a bit. It stopped the depression. It stopped all my feelings but then turned on me and made me not able to cope and handle life at all. To really recover, I had to, and he has to surrender and concede that he will never be a normal drinker and also never be normal in terms of not needing meds and treatment for his mental health. I know he can do this because I did it. I take my meds and stick with AA and my life is better than I dreamed. I do not know how, when, and if this will happen for him but I pray it will. And that prayer goes in my God box. Prauers for your peace of mind and serenity go in there to. I do believe you are making progress even if he isn't. Stick with alanon.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Just excuses.....just like my son has given to me many times. My son has gone though at least 3 hideous events without my help at all. He made it and got one step closer to hitting the floor. I will continue to stay on my side of the street....good or bad and pray he will get the message.

Mom is not there to pick up the pieces anymore so if he chooses to live his way....so be it. No quilt on my part, and the fear or worry I feel will not help him so I work my program to my benefit. My strength and courage to change shows him he has to do this himself.

The craziness and insanity in my life has stopped and my son knows it. Right now he has 1 week to be out of his apartment if he doesn't do something about it......guess what....I have never seen him work this hard at finding work, calling places that would take him in and selling his stuff to get money for gas.

I have FINALLY stopped the madness and it didn't take me long to come out of the denial he was going to die if I didn't step in. I was told A's are really good at surviving so my ADULT son will survive one way or another without my help. I love him dearly and I tell I love him dearly but I also tell him nothing but he can do it and I have faith in his judgement to take control of himself. I'm his biggest cheerleader from my side of the street.

(((( hugs )))) remember you are not alone and this too shall pass if you Let Go Let God

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

laurab wrote:
Am I naive, or am just trying to give myself hope? ASon is bipolar. When he takes the meds he is ok, works, has a life. Then he decides that he is fine and doesn't need them and he can't live with all the water and peeing. So he tapers down and starts drinking until the next hideous event. Then back to square one. Is it naive to thing that DS can ever put the 2 parts together? Lithium and no drinking = good life. No Lithium and alcohol = chaos. Or does he crave the alcohol and the chaos? Is it just a vicious circle with no end? Laura

My younger A brother is bi-polar, possibly from so much drug abuse and still on going......UNLESS they are in an active AA/ NA program??/ there aint much hope of getting better.....It is good to have hope, but I always ask me...."Is this hope REALISTIC????" its the "realistickness" of it that is my thing.........If it is NOT realistic (the hope...the expectation....the wanting change, etc) then I have to check ME...MY thinking....MY "why do I keep up this thinking)

I urge you to keep working alanon, the steps...the slogans..literature...I hope you can get a sponsor and go to the meetings.....really, when I am overwhelmed or I smell "stinking thinking" its time for a meet...co-sponsor work....boards....steps.....usually all 4.....

the slogan "let it begin with me" to me MEANS we can only affect change within ourselves and we must detach from the disease and the acting out......either he gets int program or he does not.....its out of your hands....only your life, your happiness, your future and your serenity is in YOUR hands.......Plese keep coming back

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Laurab

I believe there is always hope I also think that the best chance he has is if be decided to combine AA program with his Bi POlar meds

Keep on taking care of you and let go to HP

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

My post wasn't very clear re: hope....IF one is in an active program...working their AA or NA and alanon for the "non using" family member, YES there IS hope....but only as long as drinker/user is active in program, going to meets, step study, really working it....of course there is hope....

I was thinking of my bi-polar AA and NA qualified brother...He refuses the program so untll he gets humble and surrenders to program?? I see zero hope....AA qual. brother who is older than this one, refuses AA as well.....

only the 12 steps programs of AA or NA or alanon whichever is applicable can offer hope...I was such a mess, emotionally and mentally for my childhood and marriages, I didn't see much hope for me ever getting better...thought I was "emotional toast" really......now I am healthier and waaaaay better mentally and emotionally as long as I work my program.

Hope this clarified my earlier post.....

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