The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been dating a guy on and off for the last almost year and we spent some time together the last couple days. I have been feeling like the relationship isn't heading towards what I am wanting or that he is the one. So I was open and honest with him, it went well while we were talking in person. Now that he is home we talked this evening and he was depressed and disappointed that I am not seeing his worth the way he sees mine. I want to be true to myself and have not been for sometime, I am unsure if it is the people pleaser in me or what. In a few days I will have been divorced for 2 years and I guess I am just feeling like I need to finally take time for me. I have 2 kids, school and work and I am trying to get back to me deep down inside and clean house, get back to my goal weight and need to focus on myself and accomplish great things I was so heading towards a year ago. So I am heading back to taking care of me first and not letting what someone else wants come before that. I need to open myself up to hearing that voice deep down inside me and not hushing it. I have to let God lead and stop trying to take the reins. Sending you all love and support!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
Aloha, I didn't want to write all this on your post, but it triggered me and made me take a real and honest look at myself and my relationship. I have been dating a nice guy that just doesn't necessarily line up with me and it may be just timing although I feel there is more to it. Although he is not an A there are other things that I have ignored my little alarms about and now it went on a year. I can't let myself be in this relationship anymore because of my fears of being alone or my fears of hurting him. So I have to face the music and finish what I started and it is not easy. Send me some large doses of love, support, prayers. Thanks MIP family for being here so that I can learn and grow and face myself through this journey!
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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree
Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666
" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."
"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."
I had a problem with his wanting you to wear make up and you remember the post you shared...It smelled of control and also not accepting you as it
It started like that w/ my 2nd AH....subtle...First the makeup, then picking my clothes out..and I marry the guy and I am in misery
I am glad that you are looking at you..What you want..What is best for you...
I applaud your courage and yea, we people pleasing folks have a tendency to not see the red flags, we don't want to hurt another, but its not really hurt when You honestly see that the relationship is not going to work and you see it and recognize it and deal with it and cut them loose to find someone who is "ok" with their agenda
Take care and thanks for the brave , honest share
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
CORRECTION of my earlier post.......... I am indicting my 2nd AH and it was my FIRST AH who was into "making me over"..wanting me to wear make up and picking my clothes........sorry, but had to correct...if he isn't guilty, I am not going to accuse, LOL
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
Most people just see the surface, i.e. "It just didn't work out."
but for me if I want to follow Gods principles, change, recover and have better relationships, I am willing To look at me. Housecleaning can start right now!!
first of all, when I say a truth I don't keep discussing it especially that same day. I ssay my truth and I let it set in over a few days. I stay away from the other person so as not to cause insanity and harm.
but more importantly, do I have compassion for the other person? Can I see I've hurt someone and why?
I have to go way back to the beginning and ask myself What was going on then with me? What did I want from this person?
recovery includes some pain. No pain, no gain, no growth.
Chances are the other person wanted something too and like me, they probably don't even know what that was. But their part is not discussed, I look honestly at me. I'm the one who's willing.
basically I get out AAs Big Book which is our manual too, and I go to the sex conduct part of the inventory and ask myself the 9 questions outlined there to get down to the truth.
but there's more. Change doesnt come unless all 12 steps are done.
The Real Deal is doing steps 1-3 first -- then an entire 4th step...in the 4th step resentments and fears are written first and THEN sex conduct, because the first two drive the last.
and I don't judge myself. I just want the Truths...it's where I found God.
Good for you for looking to yourself first and staying on a path of recovery, even if it meant breaking up with someone. You know that if God wanted you guys to be together, maybe it will happen in the future? Maybe he needs to see some things about himself that he isn't seeing yet? Break ups suck, but it sounds like you were honest and that's all that matters. Hugs to you today!
