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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> How do I know I am angry???
Post Info TOPIC: How do I know I am angry???
neshema2


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How do I know I am angry???
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WOW, I love to read Melodie Beattie's Language of letting go

Dont remember what page it was on, but she was talking about how do we know when we are angry and what to do about it

I learned that  if I am feeling  hurt or victimized, trapped or even guilty  or I see myself withdrawing or just going into denial this could indicate that I am mad and maybe not ready to deal??

Then she goes on to talk about how anger never goes away.....I believe that b/c my old sponsor told me that anger does not go away...it goes UNDER.....so that means it is simmering under the surface adn that tells me to "deal" as fast as I can or it will get worse....

I also learned that this was a big dynamic in my life....I was SO outraged and angry and "put upon" by the parents, and was not allowed to cry, show anger, show anything but acceptance of whatever they decided to do to us...maybe that is why "acceptance" is kind of a trigger???  however I do my self talk and TELL me this is not 'giving in to something evil"  this is just accepting what I cannot change ..its a life thing...not the past....

No wonder It took me almost forever to get to the point where I am at now where I can show my anger in healthy ways

reading her book, again, last night that topic illustrated to me and it helped me feel compassion for myself  b/c I was never allowed to show emotions, so they were stuffed

no wonder it took so long for me to "thaw out"....my emotions had freezer burn on them....

now i can get mad and i first Think....breathe....assess....then respond rather than to react...

progress never perfection....

 

 



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Debilyn


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Anger can mask many things. But I know for a lot of people, if they don't deal with that which they are upset about, they can go into being depressed.

Sometimes anger can be from deep real fear, wanting to deal with something but you are too afraid.

Myself it takes so much to make me angry. I step back and look at things first. To evaluate, and decide is this worth getting angry about.

It took me months before I popped my cork at a hoarder that moved in across from my home. Does not matter why but she scared me so bad, that I got angry and yelled big time for minutes at her> NO cussing nothing I was ashamed of but I am telling you, I KNOW when I am angry. This was from the frustration of her abusing, neglecting, and stealing animals...rrrrrr

I don't even yell at my dogs, or pigs. Sometimes I have to look at a situation and think, hmmm is this their nature? If so getting angry to me is not worth the energy.

Besides all that adrenaline you put out from high emotion....ick. I am intolerant to my own adrenaline, so I do my best not to get into high stress situations.I get like the flu  and a migraine.

Great question and share. debilyn



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grateful2be


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I am generally pretty aware of feeling angry when I feel it. And I will it express it, too. "I feel angry because..." As Deb says, it takes a lot for me to feel angry, but when I do, I trust myself enough to know that my feelings of anger are a sign something is out of whack within me or my environment. Once I express anger, I generally make a change, too. Either with speech and then action. Or - just action. Depends on the relationship and the situation.

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