The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi all. I've been reading others' posts, and occasionally posting replies, but I haven't updated in awhile.
My AH left two weeks ago to work several hundred miles away. The peace has been wonderful for me. He came back for less than 24 hours last weekend, to visit and to pick up his dog. During that less than 24 hours, he drank in front of me (before he left, he of course, for the millionth time, assured me he is quitting drinking). I took the opportunity to say clearly and calmly that I will not stay married to him if he continues to drink--that he has every right to choose to drink if he wants, and I have every right to choose not to allow his drinking-related chaos to affect my daily life anymore. I have said this several times over the past couple of months, usually in the heat of an argument. This time I said it from a place of peace, and I do not feel the old compulsive need to keep saying it over and over. Not surprisingly, just like always he reacted strongly, claiming to be shocked, insisting he doesn't have a problem, trying to convince me that he had, in fact, kept his promise to "quit." All the same old, same old alcoholic craziness. Also not surprisingly, 24 hours later he gave me a big speech, once again, about how he really does know what he needs to do, knows how important it is, etc. A broken record that has played at least 50 times over the last 3 years. I simply listened to him, then told him that I believe he has the strength and ability to achieve sobriety. And then I released it all to the universe, and turned my attention to the matters at hand--dealing with the heat wave, caring for my son, handling numerous crises at work, etc.
All of the divorce paperwork is filled out and sitting on my work computer, ready to file. I am sitting tight while I clear my head now that he is gone, and I can think straight without the constant threat of drama and chaos on a daily basis. I've done things like clean my house, catch up with some friends over the phone, via text message, and on Facebook. I tried some new recipes for slow cooker dinners. Our heat wave is set to end this weekend; I am starting a new exercise regimen with my neighbor as soon as the heat breaks. Basically, just dipping my toes back in the pool of normalcy.
Another strong post of recovery...what a great morning and a gift to me, too. I know where you are right now and it feels so empowering. When I could respond to my husband the way you responded to yours (with compassion, strength and grace), I freed me. I was peaceful and he was pissed. He offered no resistance, though, as he could tell I meant business. I used to think I needed to yell for people to hear me but I learned coming from a place of absolute certainty was AWESOME and POWERFUL but not like the incredible hulk kind of power. So, we way what we mean, mean what we say, and don't say it mean; then we run the vacuum! (((hugs)))
All of the divorce paperwork is filled out and sitting on my work computer, ready to file. I am sitting tight while I clear my head now that he is gone, and I can think straight without the constant threat of drama and chaos on a daily basis. I've done things like clean my house, catch up with some friends over the phone, via text message, and on Facebook. I tried some new recipes for slow cooker dinners. Our heat wave is set to end this weekend; I am starting a new exercise regimen with my neighbor as soon as the heat breaks. Basically, just dipping my toes back in the pool of normalcy.
Hi Stephanie
well, I have always learned that if I set a boundary (tell someone I am gonna do so and so if he keeps doing such and such) and I don't STAND to that boundary, then I lose credibility to that person and they don't take my boundaries seriously....sounds like he is not in a program????
NOT gonna work if he is not active in AA and working the steps, literature and has a sponsor....trust me he will never manage his addiction on his own power....program AA is essential for you two to even stand a little chance of making it......
I am glad you are here, I would work alanon ea. day, steps, literature, get in the meetings and just as far as hes concerned?? LET GO....give it over.....You cannot control or help him.......take care of you and it sounds like u have a good start in that direction......GOOD JOB......glad you came here and told us what U R doing to take care of you....I just love it when folks come in here and tell us all the good things they are doing to take care of themselves........Please keep coming back...In support, Neshema
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
. When I could respond to my husband the way you responded to yours (with compassion, strength and grace), I freed me. I was peaceful and he was pissed. He offered no resistance, though, as he could tell I meant business.
I used to think I needed to yell for people to hear me but I learned coming from a place of absolute certainty was AWESOME and POWERFUL but not like the incredible hulk kind of power. So, we way what we mean, mean what we say, and don't say it mean; then we run the vacuum! (((hugs)))
OMG, Paula, I learned that w/A#1...I would yell, scream, cry and it went nowhere, when I was done w/him, had my little apt. and my bartering deal w/landlord so I could move earlier, I'll 4get...I go home, sleep like a log that night...A has no clue what I am doing, planning and the NEXT DAY, I with some help of my friends , toted me out of there...he is like "WTH????" and I very calmly told him I was done with the abuse, done with the insults, done with him and goodbye and good luck....I was soft spoken, calm and FREE.....WOW, it felt good to take my power BACK into MY hands....
it was tough, adjusting, but it was a "good tough" like I was soo peaceful in my own quiet home...Landlord let me rescue a dog and later a nice cat...I had my fur babies to cuddle with...
finances were a bit dicey, but I adjusted....I was FREE....there is nothing like it
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
