I had a bit of a freak out with myself last night - Al-Anon Family Group

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I had a bit of a freak out with myself last night

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Good morning everyone. Growing up in an alcoholic home, raised by a single AF, I never felt I had anyone to turn to. Noone was looking out for me or my interests. I've had to carve out my own life without anyone to look to for re-assurance. I've mentioned in the past here that life has been very mundane. I was questioning if this was normal. I was questioning what I should be doing. Not having anyone to look to for help reminded me of how alone I have felt the last few years. Then I went on facebook and saw 3 pictures in a row of happy couples, couples on vacation, people at concerts. I felt so alone. Crushingly in fact. I started crying profusely. I want that to be my life is what I would be thinking. I got very scared and hopeless. I felt great afterward though :) I feel great this morning! I need to learn better ways of accepting who I am and my interests. Anyone else been through the same?

wornoutmrsfixit · Senior Member

No great words of wisdom - just an observation. You got your emotions out with a good cry. It is amazing how much better you feel when you just let it out. Al anon has stressed to me not to stuff my emotions but to feel them and move on. Good stuff!

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Yes Jim - I have. But I called my sponsor then and cried to him. He patiently listened as I gradually took steps to change my life and ventured out of my comfort zone. My sponsor and peers in the fellowship reparented me in many ways. Did you call your sponsor in this or did you isolate? It sounds catharctic which is good Jim, but if you really want to change....get out there and get out of your comfort zone. Utilize your sponsor and grow. Yes - you are safe from rejection in holed up in your apartment, but 10x more vulnerable to self-pity and loneliness and stinking thinking.

Sorry if this is too challenging but I just hate to see you suffer. Both AA and alanon are about support but primarily about change. That is why the sign of recovery is that triangle with represents delta (the mathematical symbol for change). All those suggestions for getting out and doing things and reaching out and getting a healthier and larger support network - they might feel wrong and feel impossible to follow through on but if that's what you want, God, your sponsor, and the alanon program can get you there.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

slogan_jim wrote:
Good morning everyone. Growing up in an alcoholic home, raised by a single AF, I never felt I had anyone to turn to. Noone was looking out for me or my interests. I've had to carve out my own life without anyone to look to for re-assurance. I've mentioned in the past here that life has been very mundane. I was questioning if this was normal. I was questioning what I should be doing. Not having anyone to look to for help reminded me of how alone I have felt the last few years. Then I went on facebook and saw 3 pictures in a row of happy couples, couples on vacation, people at concerts. I felt so alone. Crushingly in fact. I started crying profusely. I want that to be my life is what I would be thinking. I got very scared and hopeless. I felt great afterward though :) I feel great this morning! I need to learn better ways of accepting who I am and my interests. Anyone else been through the same?

OMG, This post could have MY name on it instead of yours.....your first half is why I am kinda agnostic about Creator and Christ.....I never had anyone to turn to....Had to run away, LOTS to find my own family, these 2 teenagers ( I was 12) were friends of my "sister from hell" and they loved me..They "took me in" and their Parents (now deceased) whom I call Mom and Dad (now deceased) wanted to adopt me, but I only got to be w/them part time...the rest of the time, and up until I was 12 I had NOBODY

And yea, I am on Facebook, too, and I see women my age, retired w/no financial worries, not having to work and struggle and go to work, sometimes sick w/ptsd and the anxiety pumping icky chemicals through my system so I feel crappy....I see women my age finding nice guys and having another good, healthy person pulling life's plow with them so to make life easier for both of them...

yea, I see all the opportunities that came to me when I was too sick to do anything and handle it, and NOW that I am recovering adn healthier, I have NO opportunities come....NO nice guys , NOTHING but ME......

At times I have the desire to cry...to grieve over my lost life...to mourn the opportunities that came and I blew it b/c I was too sick and messed up to either handle it or I screwed it up and NOW NOTHING

I just go it one day at a time...try to make the best of where I am at and try not to get fearful of the future....I seek fun and joy where ever and when ever I can find it....I just try to keep working on me, put a smile on my face for the public, but at home I sometimes want to cry b/c of all the lost chances I had back when I was younger

now , yea, I fear not being able to meet my needs....and I am not a "social butterfly" very wary of strangers an kinda introverted...I guess that is the real me OR I have just had too much of "life" and so now I am introverted , maybe its really me b/c I wold take off on my horse and be gone all weekend, alone and loved it..

so..I guess I am NOT much of a "people person" but I do crave loving safe, companionship...When my cousin stlll lived here, it was cool b/c we cold hang out and have fun....

oh yea, I can so relate to you....I think I am healthy enough to be in a good relationship, but nobody is around...I don't go out much b/c I can't afford it and not much chances of meeting anyone at work

So I work on me, MORE...I , like I said, FIND stuff that makes me happy....Go to the pool and swim.....I do what I can to put good energy out there to bring good energy in

You are NOT alone, not at all....We get healthier and we see the stuff we were robbed of and oh yea, it hurts big time....Nothing I can do about it but make my peace with me and what happend, what was taken from me, try to make my peace with it and go one day at a time....not try to get too down about it, just try and see that in a lot of ways I am better off then a lot of folks...I am not being abused anymore and that is a big plus

keep coming here, Jim and keep workin on you life can change for the better, if it was soo rotten growing up, if that can happen than good can happen....I won't give up on me

slogan_jim · Senior Member

Thanks Pinkchip, I get out. I don't really know what else I could possibly do? I've talked to my sponsor about my loneliness, it's just more of the same. I find my sponsor keeps trying to get me to re-connect with my mom. That chapter in my life is closed. I'm having a hard time accepting who I am and my limitations. I'm having a hard time being patient with things and it hurts to look around and see others who don't deal with this.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

slogan_jim wrote:
Thanks Pinkchip, I get out. I don't really know what else I could possibly do? I've talked to my sponsor about my loneliness, it's just more of the same. I find my sponsor keeps trying to get me to re-connect with my mom. That chapter in my life is closed. I'm having a hard time accepting who I am and my limitations. I'm having a hard time being patient with things and it hurts to look around and see others who don't deal with this.

yep...know what ya mean......I get into "slumps" over this boring existence of mine....no decent guys to have fun with.....and its hard accepting that I have major limitations....money....ptsd/anxiety which prevent me from doing more......so I improvise the best I can.....and yea, hard to be patient, like how long do ya gotta wait for the better circumstances and life to kick in????

and yea, gotta fight off the urge to compare my life to others......oh yea, u r not alone

rehprof · ~*Service Worker*~

I just read a research study about the impact of facebook on depression. It seems that FB is a way for all of us to be able to do social comparison...all the time! we can readily compare what is happening in others' lives with our own. No one is going to post about the big fight they had on that vacation...only the pics of people kissing at the beach...not the rash they got from sand in their suits... smile

Fb is not necessarily a real reflection of people's lives...people tend to only share what they want others to see. I have seen others actively seek attention and social validation using FB. It's an odd thing, FB, when you really think about it...and it is changing the nature of our relationships to some extent...

Interesting to think about...

RP

DavidG · ~*Service Worker*~

smile As a kid I learned to block my tears- and, yes, I had a lot to cry about.

For me floods of tears are healthy- a sign of 'moving on'... aww

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

DavidG wrote:
As a kid I learned to block my tears- and, yes, I had a lot to cry about.
For me floods of tears are healthy- a sign of 'moving on'...

Me 2, David...we didn't DARE cry, b/c he used to say "cry and I'll make you cry MORE" I think he WANTED one of us to cry.....so we clammed up....no tears, no emotions...

one day I was sitting on the back porch and I saw him kick my brother's puppy off the porch like a football...Had I shown that poor creature any sympathy, he would have killed her....

when he went in side, I found Penny and checked her for injuries, thank goodness she was just frightened but "ok"

my brother and I gave her away....she wasn't "good enough" to the beast so brother and I found some neighbors who wanted this lovely mix breed doggie who was sooo adorable adn smart, BUT she was not a purebred high end German Shepherd so the beast was cruel to her.....We gave her away....and we did not cry...

You never wanted to cry...it fueled him on.....to show NO emotion gave you a chance of surviving that day....by the time i was in middle school I was one very hard little lady...I could see awful stuff and not even flinch.....

It took me eons in recovery to bring up my emotions and feelings....I remember the first time I cried....I was shocked....I was still alive..I cried all through the nite....I cried so much, I actually was partially dehydrated...I knew b/c I had no morning urine and my skin was all dry looking and I was really weak, but Oh man!!! It was a huge release to do that cry... David, I so agree w/you...Crying does cleanse the heart and enable me to get it out and move on...

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

rehprof wrote:
I just read a research study about the impact of facebook on depression. It seems that FB is a way for all of us to be able to do social comparison...all the time! we can readily compare what is happening in others' lives with our own. No one is going to post about the big fight they had on that vacation...only the pics of people kissing at the beach...not the rash they got from sand in their suits...
Fb is not necessarily a real reflection of people's lives...people tend to only share what they want others to see. I have seen others actively seek attention and social validation using FB. It's an odd thing, FB, when you really think about it...and it is changing the nature of our relationships to some extent...
Interesting to think about...
RP

WOW!!!!! I know that it saddens me to see people "connecting" cyberally instead of fac to fac BUT , for me, I have family out of state so FB works for me, but OH WOW!!! What you said about comparing our lives to the others and the depression.....WOW!!! I wonder if deep inside of me that is happening w/me on some people's posts.....

like they got the guy...they don't have to work, retired w/enough $$ to meet their needs...kids close to them (geographically) AND kids who treat them great...not 1 daughter passive aggressive to me....and their wonderful this and that............OMG...I need to really limit my time on FB and your post confirms something I was thinking of this past few days.....putting a boundary on ME re: facebook....Yes, network my homeless animals, particularly horses and dogs....yes, check out my kids's pictures and news ..yea, there is "ok" stuff about Facebook, but I have been thinking , I spend waaay too much time on FB.....way too much.........

Maybe HP used your post to tell me "yes, Nesh, you really need to limit the Facebook thing" I already had begun taking folks off my news feed, like yea, have a way to contact w/them but they are not in my face ea. day via their posts....and then I just un-friended some....They didn't make me happy to have them on....I still need to limit how much time I spend on FB....

THANK YOU SOOOOO Much for this very , "I needed to see" post smile smile

likemyheart · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Jim, I can honestly say that I was part of one of those "happy" couples, happy to the world but as soon as we were alone, well, doors were slammed, insults thrown, voices raised, etc. I don't do facebook BECAUSE its too much like high school, showing people what we want them to see in an attempt to be the most popular (liked). I hated that world in high school, so fake, and I don't have much use for it now. My daughter remarked just the other day about the happy seeming people we encountered at a street fair, about how nobody knows what goes on after they get out of the limelight. My own situation has me relishing the peace and contentment I have right now instead of chaos, anger, stress and strife. I really do embrace every single day how good it is to be alone rather than with the wrong person. Sure I get lonely but then I replay the way it was. I wish I had words of wisdom to share with you about being alone at your age; I'm going on 53, have had my kids, have grand kids and have had two not so great marriages - I am so happy to be at a place where alone ain't the worst thing in the world, I can be at peace. You are young; about my older daughter's age; she has two kids, a military husband, busy life, etc. but I wonder sometimes what she's going to tell me about her life ten years from now, how happy is she really?

AngieP · Veteran Member

I can identify with your feelings, I sometimes feeling like I'm being punished for something I've done (of maybe haven't done). I want that happiness as well.. The pleasure of a mate and companionship for activities and such. It gets me down from time to time as well also, I just try to refocus...that it may still be in God's plan for my life. I certainly hope so, but I have to surrender myself to HIS will for my life, because MY will didn't work out so well last time. Chin up my friend, hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!

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