The material presented
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello everyone!This is my first time posting on the forum.I am new to Alanon and recovery.I have attended a few online meetings and one f2f meeting.I will be attending my second f2f meeting this evening (and am VERY excited about it!).
Here's a little history about me....I grew up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic mother and step-father.My step-mother was also an alcoholic and she has since passed away.I am recently divorced (April 2012).AexH was a mess and I am still finding hidden alcohol all over my house.I financially supported him for the duration of our relationship.We were married for 3 years (if that's what you want to call it).He never held a job and always used going to school part-time as an excuse that he could not contribute financially or even help around the house.The most recent find was five empty fifths of gin between the mattress and box springs in the guest bedroom.I finally got up the courage to tell him to leave and I filed papers immediately.
Fairly recently after my divorce, I began dating another A (imagine that).We have been dating a little over a year.He is in recovery (AA) and works his program.I attend meetings with him regularly, to support and encourage him.In the process, I am learning a lot about the disease of alcoholism and why I am the way that I am.Until recently, I had no idea that a lot of my "characteristics" were due to the environment that I grew up in.
This week has been really tough.I am dealing with a lot of anger and resentment towards the A's in my life.I have been really sad and I can't pinpoint the reasons.I have come to terms with the fact that my feelings have made my life unmanageable and I am ready to do something for me and quit focusing all of my time and energy on everyone else.
Thanks for listening and I am very happy to be here!!Take care :)
Until recently, I had no idea that a lot of my "characteristics" were due to the environment that I grew up in.
This week has been really tough. I am dealing with a lot of anger and resentment towards the A's in my life. I have been really sad and I can't pinpoint the reasons. I have come to terms with the fact that my feelings have made my life unmanageable and I am ready to do something for me and quit focusing all of my time and energy on everyone else.
VERY good insight....Hi and Welcome to the group
I kept marrying into alcoholism until I got myself in alanon and worked the steps and literature and went back to my family of origin and worked trhough all that pain and anger then grief and mourning over a childhood lost to alcoholism......I, like so many others did what was "familiar" and that was sticking around Alkies....
I didnt' know any better and I , too had anger and resentment and had to work it all out in alanon, I am so glad U R here b/c the program will help you go back, when you get to the steps, you will love them b/c it is a "discovery" blessing where I really found out about me, WHY I did the same self sabotaging things,
I found out I was codependent and how to manage that and change my toxic behavours, (marrying drunks, or hanging out w/ emotionally unavailable people) I was used to being abandoned and/or abused by substance abusers and knew no other way to live.....alanon, program with the steps and meetings and sponsor work got me to go through it so I coudl GET through it......
I becane aware of how much my family of origin (drunk mother...serial offender father) affected me...both of them were drinkers m/mom drinking herself to death, that was her way of coping being married to a serial offender......She just did not know how to get out, so she got beaten and she drank....she got addicted to alcohol and turned into a raging alcoholic.....
I can look back at it now and understand why I kept marrying my mother....I wanted her to "love me in the bodies of my husbands" I was just "trying to get it right this time"...so I married 2x and dated alkies to "get it right this time"....of course I failed and NOW with 11 yeas recovery under my belt the dysfunctionals, drunks, druggies, emotionally unavailables and "fixer uppers" on two legs NO LONGER attract me...
I see em now and I RUN
I am glad you are in the program, to take care of YOU.....we can only change/modify ourselves...we can only help ourselves.....we can only keep our issues in remission
the As and the Ns in our lives have to learn their own life lessons and work their own program...
Take care and I am impressed that U see this pattern in your life and you want to address it.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Aloha Working it and welcome also to the family...There is so much familiarity in your post with my own past before program and I am grateful for the new understandings I received from being a part of the fellowship so that I could release those anchors which were holding me back from rebuilding my own life with my own choices. Learning to "let go" was major work and growth for me. Lots of things I wanted to hold on to because I gave them value with strong negative feelings and I thought I just had to figure them out before I was free. Actually that is part of my denial that I was powerless over soooo much and what I had to learn was just to let it go...it was done...in was over...it was past...it no longer could hurt, harm or affect me only to the extent that I allowed it. It was I who was allowing my self to be hurt...STOP DOING THAT!! became an inner response for me when I found myself defaulting to blame, shame and resentments. I learned to stop asking the question why and adopted the attitude of "Oh Well" which is followed by the letting go process. Bad, crazy, insane things happen to very good people and acceptance (of that) is the solution to all of my problems with it. That allows me to let it fall off; that and forgiveness of perpetrators who so often were not consciously trying to hurt me...my part was taking it in a skewed manner. The program of Al-Anon with all of its tools and time spent "one day at a ...." saved my sanity and also my life. Ready? Set? Go!! oh and remember to keep coming back too. ((((Hugs))))
