Bettina wrote:

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Thats funny, because I have trouble with the inner child theory.

I don't buy it, just being honest.

Hugs, Bettina

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 hey Bettina, to me the IC meant some little  "monster" running amok within me, but its not....the inner child is that part of me that emotional part of me that had to create all these , now unhealthy, survival skills....like the part of me that got stunted in some ways b/c of the trauma and when I was shut down, hiding my CORE from the damage, I had to devlope this  other "self" to absorb the trauma for me.....so yea, I should honor it and not be so hard on it, but there are times I want to throttle her b/c it is that self that comes out and acts out.......i try to talk to that part of me w/affirmations and it does not work

so I am gonna do Betty's advice and write down an ASSETS list....that is doable for me....

grateful2be wrote:

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Hi, Neshema. As an adult, I don't buy it either - mental affirmations - because I've learned they don't work for me. To me, Al-Anon is a spiritual program rather than psychological/mental program - and that does work for me. In my tradition, one of the verses I learned in Scripture had to do with knowledge vs love. I won't quote it, but I will type what I recall of it. "Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up." I think that might be why mental affirmations don't work for me. Yet, I can believe that they do work for others. That's just not my path.

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 ya know this is kinda similiar to what I think   program is my source, my love, my source of good things.......so yea, I can absorb the good things about me by ineracting w/all of you good folks......and I don't buy scripture, but I can make sense out of "knowledge puffing up and love building up"   

I think I am here not so much to know but to learn....and to share that learning w/safe others who want to help themselves.......yea, I can understand, now a bit more why mental affirmations don't work for me......

grateful2be wrote:

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(((N))) And for what it's worth, I have not studied much about the inner child theory, but I do know that there are many schools of thought where that theory is believed and found helpful to many people. Again, this is not my path, and it has value for those who find it helpful.

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 (((G)))  ya know, for me I think it is more the "emotional" side of me or that "other self who had to absorb and survive the trauma"  while my CORE hid from the falling rocks......I SAY  "inner child" b/c it is just a habit.....but really???  I think the IC thingy is just that wounded part of me...the part of me that faced the trauma and protected my inner CORE......i guess people call it inner child b/c  they were young when they became "stunted" in many emotional ways of maturing...

Like there are times I DO act like a frightened and scared and needy child....I do...but the healing part of me, takes control and does not let my wounded self "drive the bus"

I really think of it as my wounded other self....the part that had to devise ways to survive...ingenious ways, I might add,...it was very smart how I handled it and I applaud that side of me, but the "survival skills" i learned dn't serve me now , so now I have to do behaviour modification and change my perception of things so I don't feel inappropriate emotions  an thus act out inappropriately and thus develope unwanted behaviour and character..

Hope this made sense....I am having experience overload due to some changes I have to make on my facebook....There is this horse rescuer whose rescues I network on my board to get them exposure to help them find homes,   (I want a horse so BAAAD I ache)  but anyway, she posts these horrible animal abuse posts and pics from different countries, even and I cna't handle seeing a picture of an innocent animal suffer....I told her b4 I can't handle seeing animals suffer and if I can't do anything about it, why SHOW me???

anyway, I took her off my news feed b/c she didn't abide by my limitations on how much suffering I can see w/out it traumatizing me...

HUGSSS

grateful2be wrote:

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Nemesha: Thank you for sharing your insights with me. It does sound like you have realized that you are developing even more coping skills that suit your more seasoned self now. Kind of like outgrowing a bike with only handlebars and brakes and getting yourself a more suitable bike to get you to the next vista - the next plateau. What I seem to see most often in your posts is how much you enjoy your life even with all its challenges.
And - you still have time to reach out and embrace and encourage other people in our posts.
Yes, it makes perfect sense to me that you needed to take upsetting pictures off your news feed. You have made a commitment to taking good care of yourself and this was one more opportunity to do what you needed to do for yourself while she does what she thinks she needs to do. Beautiful example of detachment to me. If you could do something, I know that you would. You've done things to encourage and nurture me.

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 Wow, Grateful, this is really beautiful....Thanks, lady and you help me just as much, believe you me

Just another perspective in thinking about what affirmations are or aren't.  When I see assets posted such as "I am compassionate", they feel like affirmations to me.  They are affirming to the truth about oneself and creating a habit of becoming aware of those truths...maybe healthy triggers?  If I hear "I am worthless", I have a visceral response as it is an unpleasant trigger, why can't the opposite "I am worthwhile" be observed as an affirmation and create the more authentic trigger?  Some things for me to consider...just wondering.

Neshama, I appreciate your honesty in your posts.

(((N)))...Only one of the daily repetitious thoughts with affirmation that I had early on came from within the program, "God don't make no junk".  It is a truth and a fact for me today.   "God don't make no junk".   (((hugs))) 

PP wrote:

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Just another perspective in thinking about what affirmations are or aren't.  When I see assets posted such as "I am compassionate", they feel like affirmations to me.  They are affirming to the truth about oneself and creating a habit of becoming aware of those truths...maybe healthy triggers?  If I hear "I am worthless", I have a visceral response as it is an unpleasant trigger, why can't the opposite "I am worthwhile" be observed as an affirmation and create the more authentic trigger?  Some things for me to consider...just wondering.

Neshama, I appreciate your honesty in your posts.

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 Hey Paula, I am seeing a lot in these posts.....Yea, "I am compassionate" and thats a good one b/c I AM.....so yea, if "i am worthless"  can bring the bad trigger up  (heard it all my llife)  why NOT do the opposite...." I am compassionate"   I am OK as I am"....it does not have to be fancy or like Betty said ...just make an asset list...sorta what u r explaining here......"I am worthwhile"   THIS I can get a grip on....I just needed you guys and you DID  show me a different way of viewing the affirmations......so instead of thining of them as affirmations  I can think of them as  my "good asset list" and create a good trigger of gratitude.............I really appreciate you too, my friend.....WOW....this ??? about affirmations really opened my eyes about a new....doable way to handle this re-programming my mind.....instead of looking for weeds in my character garden, I am gonna start looking for roses and nice flowers that I want..........YEA this is soooo DOABLE.........YES!!!!!

PP wrote:

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Amen Jerry...keepin' it real and simple

 

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 Hey Paula, yea, I love the way we folks   "tell it like it is"    reality was a stranger for me for so long.....I was covered in denial, lies, distortions..BS..really

I come here and its like taking a spiritual and emotional shower with nice , gentle, loving, sudsy cleansing soap of the program........HUGSSS to all you guys

It was suggested in my early recovery that I read daily affirmations, so I did. I didn't believe a thing they said.."I am a intricate part of the universe, that without my participation in it, the universe is missing an important part". Yeah, right... LOL

and I spoke up and said I couldn't swallow that stuff, it all sounded like crap to me, written by and for someone else. Not me. then it was suggested that I try writing a daily affirmation (1 1/2 paragraph) each day and it had to be something that I was willing to believe only to the extent I would "Act as if" it were true. My first one was ... I am a child of God. I am also an imperfect human being, and if for no other reason, these two things make me good enough today."

I wrote, I said, it and I acted as if...

And I came to believe....

I have been writing a daily affirmation pretty much daily for almost 15 years now... and it has helped me because I can't think my way into new values and beliefs, I have to ACT my way into them... so I "Act as if" a lot.. until it becomes a reality to me.  

John

PS, I am told I need to be gentle and caring, nurturing to my inner child..... so I acknowledge that I have a very immature, irresponsible, compulsive and emotionally charged part of me that is there for a reason and came to be as a part of my history. Like the child throwing a bottle off the high chair to the floor and screaming til someone picks it up... His behavior can get me in trouble. When that happens I don't want to be gentle, or caring or nurturing... I want to bring him out and give him a hug.. with both hands around his little neck! LOL