The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This Disease Has been! Since My AGram's Stroke on Mothers Day I have been Run Ragged... Today I had to take to the Doctors, and her Only comment when he leaves the Room! "When Can I Get Me a BIG Bottle?" She hasn't drank since her Stroke, but apparently its still Fresh in her Mind! She doesn't Remember who hardly anyone is, but can remember how to Gamble & that she likes to Drink VO "Straight!" I have learned So Much about this Disease in dealing with AGram's Illness...
Cunning & Baffling is def a HUGE Part of it! I haven't posted in a while because till I Work 40hrs a wk, sit with her 3-4 days wk, and Run my Boy to Practice 4days a week, & I Do Make (2) F2F Meetings a week as well (VERY MUCH NEEDED) I'm not on here Much :( But I Do Stop in and Read when I Can just to catch up with ya all, even if I don't reply... I am Very Grateful for my Recovery Family! The Ones from my Home Group have just been WONDERFUL! They Kidnap me when I need it, even if I go Kicking & Screaming they don't give up on me!
Its So Hard to Be "IN" this Disease, and Yet Care for Others in the Disease, and If I would say I NEVER thought of Having another Drink, Well I would be Liar! I'm coming up on 3 yrs in Oct. But these Last Few Months have been Tryin on me & My Soul! I do the Absolute best I can to take care of Me, my family, and Gram, and Still be Good & Useful to Others, I'm Exhausted ALOT, but I hate to complain about having a Full Life, so I Wont!
Last Nights Meeting was about: Feel the Fear & Do it Anyway! It was a Great topic, and Brought out alot of Great Shares, I know that for me, I Deny most of my Fears... I Shuv them down till I can forget about them long enough to find another! I Never Realized how "Fear Based" I was till Al-Anon! But to See me You would not See Fear! I Keep that to Myself... All My Fear is Hidden within my Thoughts, my Stomach, & My Heart!
Im Grateful for my Healing, and Lord Knows I Speak to my HP all day everyday! I cant be the type to just speak at bed time! MIne prob wishes I would :) But I am Reminded Daily that my HP is In Control, and I am But a Vessel to Deliver the Message, and I do that As Much as Possible as well! I have a Few More Peeps that have at least "Tried" al-Anon, Some Stayed, some did not, but I haven't given up on them either! I know that For me, if someone would have told me what al-Anon was years before I would have NEVER thought that someday "I" Would be sitting in these rooms... Not me! I had It ALL Under Control! LOL
I'm Very Grateful I was Drug Here! I'm Very Grateful that I was Open Enough Or Broken Enough To Stick around these last 3-1/2 Yrs... Without the "Tool's" of this Program I Truly could not Imagine My LIfe... It was Truly Unmanagable when I arrived at the doors of Al-anon and So Much has Changed, I have Loved & Lost MANY Since I Started this Journey to Recovery, and Most Died within this Disease! Alcohol & Drug Related... And the Unimaginable Help, & Love that this Program gave me in support of all that loss is like nothing I Ever experienced in my life! When Complete Strangers send you Loving Messages, Emails, Cards, Too Me that is My HP Helping them Help me Heal! And i am Very Grateful!
This Journey with My AGram has been Very Trying, to know that she will Never be the Lady I Admired again! To Accept her as she is And Love her Anyways is Hard some days, She still has Emotions, she just can't clearly state them! Last week She Fell & has a Chip Fracture on her Ankle, a Black Eye, she bruises even when you try to Help her Sit down! She is in an Air Cast for the ankle, and yet at 88 still manages to Walk on her Own, because she Refuses to be in a wheel chair if not forced! She don't know her Name, but she Knows her Independance! God Love Her!
I am Getting ready for the 1st Break since her Stroke on Mothers Day! I am Taking My Harley for a 6day Ride! I am Praying for Peace & Safe Travels, but that is about all that I have planned other then I'm leaving tomorrow! So Many of you Travel within my Heart on these trips, and I think of you's Often & Pray for ya's Even More! Thanks for Being my Courage when I don't have the strength! And thanks for being my Ear, when I Just don't have energy to explain it to someone else! Its these Little things! That help me Survive & Thrive! And I Thank God For Each & Everyone of you for not only being here! But for Sharing Your Journey with me! In the Last few Years I have seen So Many GROW in this Program... So Proud of you all!
We have traveled a long, sometimes painful but always successful recovery journey together over these years. Your insight, compassion, love and empathy always speaks volumes and validates your dedication and hard work in this program.
I agree the power of this disease is not to be believed. Your lovely 88 year old grandma is so very fortunate to have you in her corner.
Please enjoy your bike ride and when you feel the wind in your face and your spirit soar remember your MIP family with the joy that you feel .
Everything you said was telling me that I should nominate you for either sainthood or at least an angel position and then you mentioned the Harley...Whhhhoooooaaa...Jozie on a Harley!! That's a picture for my wild imagination. My wild imagination also wants me to ask can't you get that Harley tuned so that it won't take you soooo long to get there....6 days!! How large a gas tank is that??!!! LOL...Be safe sister gonna want to hear from you when you get back. (((((hugs))))) and luv.
-- Edited by Jerry F on Monday 15th of July 2013 11:17:06 PM
Dear Jozie, I remember you....OMG...so good to see you again
Poor AGram, a stroke and drinking??? That would try anyone's patience.....Sounds like You are taking care of you and doin the program "dance" as they say
ENJOY that Harley and have some fun....
So good to see you posting again and yea, Whirl Wind was a good title for this post, LOL
Sometimes I feel Like I am in a clothes dryer and life is "KA KLUNK'ing" me round and round and round.....thats when ya pray for a power outtage.
Take care and dont be a stranger ok????
HUGS
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Your insight, compassion, love and empathy always speaks volumes and validates your dedication and hard work in this program.
I agree the power of this disease is not to be believed. Your lovely 88 year old grandma is so very fortunate to have you in her corner.
Please enjoy your bike ride and when you feel the wind in your face and your spirit soar remember your MIP family with the joy that you feel .
In my thoughts
I just love this post.............sooo true, Jozie, you are a bundle of compassion and love......I remember, fondly, your posts and I'm thinking "this gal is soo unbelievably neat and positive, not matter what is goin on"...I see that has not changed....
Betty told it right
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Yes we Have ((((Hotrod)))) And i Am Grateful I Had you as another one of my Amazing Guides on this Journey! I'm Grate to you for always Picking me up, and Never Letting me Fall... The Wind i Will Indeed Share with you all :)
(((neshema2))) I have Often Prayed for a Power Outage, :) But at the Same time, I have gotten quite use to them as well :) I am Slowly Learning "Gracefully" How to "Go With the Flow" even if in the Spin Cycle! LOL ;) Thanks Always for the Kind Words, I'm Most Grateful ...
And Brother (((((Jerry))))... Whhhooooaaaa is Right! Im Hoping this Trip has a Little Better Out Come then Our One Kayak Trip last year :) In I Make it Further then a 1/2 mile ;) I don't See My Self Even Close to a Saint, but I Will Say, it is Only Possible by the Grace of God above, and a Loving Program Family I am So Thankful for you & your Recovery...But Mostly for Your Love & Support...
Thank You all... For always having My Back! And Till I Return ;) Let the Journey Begin....
