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U know I have been back about 1.5 weeks now and I am seeing something in me that can be good, can be not so good
I don't want to lose my ability to have compassion for the ones who truly are struggling to do and be better...The folks who have good and not evil in their hearts...Even the A's and the NA's who really want to get better and don't do evil, they are just sick...It behooves me to put some distance from them, but that does not mean I don't feel for them....
Yes there are mean spirited, willful and wicked people out there, I see them in my fight against child abuse and my fight to defend the animals against abuse....I see them when I do my shift as one of the neighborhood watch leaders....We had so many burglaries in our neighborhood, I started, with a friend of mine up the street, a neighborhood watch program....we Do "drive bys" in our vehicles, watching the neighborhood...We cleaned the neighborhood out of some baad people by petitioning the city and constant calls to the cops, etc...we finally got rid of a bunch of these bad people......
2 years ago, I caught two robbers in the act of robbing my across the street neighbors....I "911'd" them and followed them in my vehicle till they "ditched" me by climbing a fence to this apt. complex..I ID'd them and they got caught with her stuff in their back packs.....this gal was just working class, like me...can't afford to be ripped off....most of these robberies are by people who want to buy drugs or just dont' want to work like the rest of us do....If I can't buy something, I borrow, if I can't borrow, then I DO WITHOUT......I don't steal.....I have nooo mercy on a thief...or any predator for that matter...
Since I formed this group we have grown to about 100 members...the "local crooks" know us and they know that in TX we are legally entitled to defend our homes w/deadly force if necessary....I am home more than I am not and My house is very very visible from all angles so I am a bad "risk" for a break in b/c they wold be seen...Also I am armed and it is very clear, I wont' hesitate to shoot a person who breaks into my home, and that is if they get by my pitbull.......so the local crooks have taken their act somewhere else....of the 100 or so "watchers" I would say 75% of us have guns...I grew up w/guns..am a very very good shot...
Anyway, There was this girl, whom I KNEW, in the neighborhood, who needed my "help" with a puppy...a baby pit bull....It was the last puppy in the litter and her mom wanted that puppy "gone" and for "C" not to come home until she sold the puppy.....I felt sorry for the girl, and I let her in my house, took the dog and gave her $30.......While she is hugging me and saying "God bless" you, she lifts my wallet.
I discover the theft very fast and shut down my credit cards but not until she and a companion twice her age, ran up gasoline charges to the tune of $200.....I told her if she didn't return my wallet, I would be "coming after her" and it won't be pretty....she returned the wallet by driving by the house and tossing it on my porch......I submitted theft reports to Discover card and Visa and they "let me off" re: the liability and I don't know what they did to "C" as to police action as she was 17 at the time
It appeared to me that nothing was going to be done in the way of chastising her, I told her mother who gave me this blank stare and said "I can't do anything about it" the cops were even trying to get her but the surveillance cameras at the places she went had NO pics of her and her older b.f. even tho I SAW her throwing my wallet up on the porch, nothing could be done....
So..I took matters in my own hands...she was NOT gonna get away with this.....She was going to be held accountable SOME WAY.....I had pics of this gal posing with the puppy, so I made posters of these pics.....I walked the entire neighborhood, handing out posters which merely said "this girl did this to me" and I put underneath her smiling picture, my experience with her...I told everyone about her....I went totally "viral" on her.....not just my street but the next street and the streets intersecting...It was a long project and hundreds of posters were distributed, but after a month or so, I got everyone "advised" about her....
The neighborhood turned against her....they ran her off their lawns when they saw her, they chanted "THIEF" when they saw her, she was a pariah in the neighborhood...She only went out at night b/c the entire neighborhood was against her.......my elderly friend who lives near her and is on my watch program, said he was walking his dog and she is bitching and crying to him, "that lady has ruined my reputation, I can' go anywhere , the people here HATE me, I wish she wold leave me alone"
My friend advised her that she stole from the wrong person, that I was liked and respected here and she messed up stealing from me...and that HE was the one calling the shelter on her dogs......That really must have "made her day"....
Anyway, she would "skulk" around at night and we would monitor her and 911 her and FINALLY she got caught breaking into a neighbor's garage with some kid she was "training" , I guess.......well numerous police calls about her since my theft and now this, FINALLY the cops went to her landlord and told him that she was a thief, a predator and they were gonna "cite" him on any code violation they could find, and he better evict these people from the house b/c they (Police) were not going to stop until she and her thieving friends were OUT of our area.....He evicted them....I Saw them with a U-Haul truck this last spring and they are GONE
So yea, with a lot of effort we are slowly cleaning up this neighborhood and taking back our neighborhood....Most of us are good, decent, law abiding folks, and like typical Texans, we help each other out, watch each others houses, but it is true what the signs say here in TX "DONT mess with Texas"
Maybe it was my past where I was soo powerless, sooo helpless...such a victim made me turn crusader, I don't know...Maybe its my natural loathing for thieves and predators (there again, back to the past) or maybe its just My "do gooder" personality, but I am proactive against child abuse and animal abuse....
I get on facebook, sign petitions, I am going "viral" now against the BLM and their not providing the wild mustangs in NV with adequate relief from the heat and to provide these animals w/adequate water and shade , horses are dying out there......I "net work" horses and dogs needing loving homes.....I take pictures of adoptable pets in my own community and "facebook" them trying to help them find a home...Some of my efforts have panned out w/a happy ending
I guess I do this b/c I CANT STAND predation and abuse and the long lasting affects that it causes....That poor lady who was robbed, I mentioned here, is scared to death to leave her home, she feels violated..She told me she felt like it was a "rape" those guys being in her house.....She reconciled with her A husband and moved him back in the home b/c she is afraid JUST BECAUSE some stinking thieves broke into HER home, HER place and robbed her.....I felt really sad for her...as much as I like "T" he is a drinker, but seems to love his wife and is a nice hearted guy
Sorry if i am rambling here, but I think I see stuff about me that is good and I want to keep fighting the good fight, but I don't want to get "down on man" to the point where I don't even want anyone around me but close family and friends who have proven themselves to me....OR better said, yea, keep my circle close but not to shut out a potentially NEW friend b/c of my wariness vs homo sapiens.....
Its like the older I get and the more I see, the more I just keep to myself, with the exception of my close safe people whom I have known and loved for decades...
I just see soo much sorrow and bad of late.......I don't want it to harden my heart.....I saw on the news where a rape victim knocked on these people's door screaming for help and the couple would not let her in...they called 911, but refused to let her in for fear of being set up by maybe an accomplice and being robbed or killed......
the police saw that it was a real incident and a lot of people came down on this couple , over facebook, and I told them...."HEY....as a survivor of the worst, I wold have done the same thing......I would dial 911...talk through the door to her, to calm her, but NEVER let a stranger in my house....." but these people were condemning this old couple for doing what they did.....and I am thinking how NOBODY gets in my house unless I really know them....
Does any of this make sense???? the media bombards us with man's ugliness and its to the point where yea, be careful BE REAL CAREFUL.....but I know there are GOOD folks out there....There ARE....when I got ripped off the ENTIRE neighborhood stood by me and literally made this girl feel like a pariah....She was litterally an outcast......people by the scores were calling the cops on her all the time for suspicious looking activity.....people were calling the animal shelter at the slightest violation of dog laws.....this entire neighborhood stepped up for me...
So I know there is good....I am a skeptic though...I am sooo very wary and it takes forever to earn my trust and ONE betrayal and its over with.....I am not talking about stupid, human mistakes we all do, I am talking about willful acts against me.....I give no 2nd chances if it is deliberate......
Anyway, I am alone here, thinking...(dangerous for me, LOL) and I am gonna set a limit on how many horror stories I want to see on facebook...yea, I want to be aware, but I think some of my FB pals are taking the "wicked in man" too far and not also showing that man can be good, as well...Not enough focus on the solution, just the problem...so I am taking some of my "kinda negative" folks off my news feed....I am just feeling saturated by all the news of mans evil and bad deeds....So its time to "balance" my facebook news feed
Hope this post didn't bore too many of you....Just typing some thoughts......
Please jump in with some ESH if you care.......I have taken my power back....I see it every day in my life which even tho financially hard right now, is a heck of a lot better than the days of old.....I have become a not just survivor, but I fight the good fight for kids and critters......
I don't want to lose my ability to feel compassion where deserved....I don't think I have b/c I can grieve for a loved one in strife...I can feel sorrow over my wrongs to my fellows.....I desire to make amends and own my mistakes as fast as I am aware of them....I DO care, but now its "I care for ME TOO"....its not me me me me its "ME TOO"......
Sometimes , tho, when I hear of a terrible wicked thing one has done to an innocent other living being, I can conjur up all kinds of "chastisement" I would like to do to them.....
Like the Lion vs the Hyena, I have a natural hatred for the predators of the world...I guess that won't change.....Not in this life, anyway...they just need to leave me and mine alone...
I am looking to rescue another puppy from a shelter...poor pittie has noone to really play with...kitty's patience is on and off......old fat lab just lies around and I guess, soon, she will be passing on as she is about 11 years old and not in the best of shape,
So its puppy hunting for me...I want to do another rescue, give a loving , 4ever home to a pet who has been dumped or lost and who needs a 2nd chance...I would love to get either a pittie mix, or a lab/pit mix or a shepherd...or a lab mix or a lab.....Yep...been surfing the shelters since Wed., and I shall find a young mate for my pittie...a nice young male would be good for her to share with.....Anyway,
Good night, peeps......Thanks for listening to me.......
.
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I think I get what you're meaning here - you want to do your part to help your neighborhood and your community be the best it can be, but you don't want to get so caught up in what's unhealthy in your life that you don't allow your heart the room it needs to express the goodness within it? I wonder if that isn't part of our recovery work, too? Focusing more on the goodness in life and in people than the darkness without denying there is darkness?
Ghandi, who experienced so much suffering in his persistent non-violent approach to systemic change, said this: "You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty."
Sometimes, when I'm being mentally too hard on myself, I tend to see what is going wrong much more quickly than what is going right. In "Courage to Change," page 151, being gentle with ourselves is the topic. The quote from John Ruskin: "The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what he can love and value, and appreciate," helps me refocus my attention where it will do me the most good.
I don't know if this is true for you, but it is true for me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 13th of July 2013 08:37:54 AM
its a GOOD thing that there is no limit on the length of a post, LOL....boooy you can tell this is my only board to share my thoughts on...Like a giant journal!!! Well??? Isn't this how I recover???? Sharing my intimate thoughts????
Holey Moley
Several brave folks have read me.....I HOPE this "novelette" resonates with a few souls...my co-sponsor goes to bed real early, so I came here to share....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I can do that, too. I had a friend say once, "Could you just get to the point?" She was a recovering A, so she had no trouble with mincing words. I laughed and knew that sometimes I couldn't - not without the story first. But, I also knew that because of abuse, it was a safety measure for me to protect my underbelly until I felt safe. Eugene Peterson wrote in a Pastoral Care and Counseling Book I read: "What drives you crazy about another person may be the very thing that is keeping them sane."
We aren't asked to do everything perfectly. We're just asked to do our best and leave the outcome in HP's hands, sister. (((N))) Happy swim today.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 13th of July 2013 09:54:56 AM
Dear Grateful........you got EXACTLY what I was saying..........Thank you.......You are SPOT on....and I love Ghandi..........and right again, re: when I am being mentally hard on me, I tend to see what is going wrong more quickly then what is going right"
That being said, then I must be softening on me b/c I do not want to get so caught up in whats unhealthy in my life that I can't allow my heart the room it needs to express the goodness..
WOW....you are soooo wise , my friend, you have so much to offer this board....I am so glad you are here
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((Grateful))))))))))))))))))) so glad you get something out of my posts, b/c I can get "diahrea" of he mouth and go on and on with my thoughts.........
DANG....short and to the point I aint so good at, LOL
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I can do that, too. I had a friend say once, "Could you just get to the point?" She was a recovering A, so she had no trouble with mincing words. I laughed and knew that sometimes I couldn't - not without the story first. But, I also knew that because of abuse, it was a safety measure for me to protect my underbelly until I felt safe. Eugene Peterson wrote in a Pastoral Care and Counseling Book I read: "What drives you crazy about another person may be the very thing that is keeping them sane."We aren't asked to do everything perfectly. We're just asked to do our best and leave the outcome in HP's hands, sister. (((N))) Happy swim today.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 13th of July 2013 09:54:56 AM
WOW!!! yea,never thought of it as an "underbelly" protective thing..that makes sense....AS USUAL, girlfriend, you make so much sense...LOVE reading your stuff......
and I so agree...leaving the outcome to Creator...Hard but necessary...(((G))) ....have a good Day ok??? We are gettin rain this next couple of days , I think, so I am gonna really catch that pool today.....And make it a looong swim day......
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
In your regal purple suit? We've had enough rain and earwigs are everywhere - even in my mailbox. Yuck. I try to catch insects like spiders and flies in my hand vac and set them free outside, but I'm sorry - there is just no way to do that with earwigs. I found one running around the inside of my coffee filter this morning on yesterday's grounds. Disgusting. I have no idea how it even got in there. I know even earwigs are part of nature's balance, but I just can't take pity on them and don't even think I can really capture them in my handvac. They're too quick. Sneaky, too. They'll play dead and hide so cleverly. God, forgive me. I just can't let 'em live.
In your regal purple suit? We've had enough rain and earwigs are everywhere - even in my mailbox. Yuck. I try to catch insects like spiders and flies in my hand vac and set them free outside, but I'm sorry - there is just no way to do that with earwigs. I found one running around the inside of my coffee filter this morning on yesterday's grounds. Disgusting. I have no idea how it even got in there. I know even earwigs are part of nature's balance, but I just can't take pity on them and don't even think I can really capture them in my handvac. They're too quick. Sneaky, too. They'll play dead and hide so cleverly. God, forgive me. I just can't let 'em live.
HAHAHAHA......I dont "do cockroaches" I am glad the cat likes to kill them...ONCE in a while a "biggie" will sneak in and kitty gets it.....I don't get the other abundant ones, just the occasional big one that is about the size of a Volks Waggon.....roaches and skeeters suck....dunno what purpose they have but to vex and gross us out, I guess.....
Wore a neat two piece suit today....black and pink on top...black skirt on bottom....swam all after noon....it was great......no many people....
truck troubles again...now the freakin horn is going out....this p.o.s. is nickel diming me to death of late and I did not get that client....oh well, i will get a horn and have my friend up the street put it on b/c I can't get the bolts off.....switch should be ok b/c I am getting power to horn , it just sounds like a goose getting a colonoscopy.....terrible sound
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Oh, that must have been disappointing for you, N - not getting the client. I do hope you are able to get your truck fixed soon. I had to laugh at your phrasing. Funny about the goose. So glad you got your swim in, too! I've seen those big cockroaches while on a mission trip in Louisiana - those and the huge wasps and the huge spiders and the huge every bug you can imagine. Oh, my. My hand vac wouldn't work for them. Maybe a shop vac? (((N)))
Oh, that must have been disappointing for you, N - not getting the client. I do hope you are able to get your truck fixed soon. I had to laugh at your phrasing. Funny about the goose. So glad you got your swim in, too! I've seen those big cockroaches while on a mission trip in Louisiana - those and the huge wasps and the huge spiders and the huge every bug you can imagine. Oh, my. My hand vac wouldn't work for them. Maybe a shop vac? (((N)))
Oh yea this guy was jerking me around...saw red flags and I will not pursue it.....but ohhh I need the 2 more mornings per month.....DANG!!! back to square one.....yea, the swim was great.....I really can be mindful......as to the truck??? its a horn, what will it be next month??? getting really paranoid about this freakin truck.....in 2011 I put 2k into it and its only got 107k miles...and Ford Rangers are supposed to be good, but I don't know....I just hope this thing isn't gonna start eating me when income is at a low...
talking about the roaches....one time, I was at my favorite client's place and this freaking roach comes out at me and its got ATTITUDE....like it didn't RUN..It stood and stared BACK at me.......Hell, when U R a roach the size of a mouse why should ya???? I jumped up and down, screamed, got everyone in the office freaking out and the "dad" owner , comes with a sweep brush...and a tray to sweep it in and he bashes this thing's brains out and I am nearly tossing my breakfast, oh yea, this roach had some "tude".....b4 Mr. "B" cleaned out his/her clock.......
I use a shop vac as my house hold vacuum cleaner....they work fine....never used anything else, and they are a hell of a lot cheaper....((((((((((((G))))))))))))))
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
