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I got a phone call from my sons rehab. He got kicked out because he was not pulling his wait on working and started getting lazy. Well in recovery you need to have respect and learn to handle discipline. Well I am on my way to pick him up because the plan this weekend was to go get him Saturday and take him to get his hair follicle test an take him back to the ranch. I already have another program to send him but the only chance I got to talk to him I told him home was not an option. He has 2 months sober from herion.. And I know that is not long enough of sobriety. I want to save my son. I don't want to bury him nor see him in jail. Am I doing the right thing??
I got a phone call from my sons rehab. He got kicked out because he was not pulling his wait on working and started getting lazy. Well in recovery you need to have respect and learn to handle discipline. Well I am on my way to pick him up because the plan this weekend was to go get him Saturday and take him to get his hair follicle test an take him back to the ranch. I already have another program to send him but the only chance I got to talk to him I told him home was not an option. He has 2 months sober from herion.. And I know that is not long enough of sobriety. I want to save my son. I don't want to bury him nor see him in jail. Am I doing the right thing??
I am glad that "home is not an option" your son is an addict....and their recovery rate, staying clean rate is LOW...like 10 - 25% of them kick it , the rest don't....its hell, drugs...I know...My believed niece is a meth addict....I cannot let her in my house....if she decides to use??? she will steal from me like she has others....I will never allow her in my house b/c she is not in active recovery, only goes when court orders her to, then she quits soon as probation is over with....
so far she is clean now, but that can change...1 time she was clean for a year......I would never ever trust an alkie or a narkie again......I can love them, but at arm's length....the risk is just too great for them to really screw me up.......at 67, I am too old to start over again
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My son said he has been pulling his wait there. He tells me he does not want to leave but the recovery program said as a punishment he has to and is able to go back in 30 days. My son rather be in his recovery then in our local area. I told him if he truly wants recovery that bad then he will continue. He has a very solid Sponser in our town but I and his Sponser do not feel he is mentally strong enough right now.
It sounds as if your son does want recovery and is willing to particiapte in seeking it. If you have another program willing to accept him that is a great alternative.
((((Gaby)))) praying and hoping your boundaries are upright. Allow him the dignity for the outcomes of his choices. If his sobriety is of the utmost importance to him he will find the way and do it in spite of anything else.
Gaby: These are the times that our recovery works to help us stay out of the way and let HP step in. It isn't easy to let our adult children grow through some of these life lessons, but its necessary. My loved one was in a recovery center and smoked in the dorm. Same result as your son. He knew the consequences before he smoked. He learned that the staff meant what they said. He didn't return to the recovery center - his choice - and the consequences for that choice he also had to experience. We truly can't save our adult children. It just isn't in our job description. But, we can love them enough to let them experience the consequences of their choices and grow if they choose while HP cares for them in the ways we can't. The most helpful thing we can do for our loved ones is work on our own recovery, tend to what is in our job description, and let HP do the work with our adult children that only HP can do. And - I need to be reminded of this every time my adult child goes through yet another crisis - often of his own making or because he needs to learn something he couldn't in any other way. You're not alone in the struggle to keep hands off your adult son's life.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 13th of July 2013 08:07:17 AM
Gaby - My inclination is to suggest you don't find him other rehabs...that you don't be the one to drive him to get follicle tests...and that while you don't want to see him in jail or to bury him, you start dealing with the harsh reality which is that you are totally powerless over those things.
This is coming out sounding ultra harsh because I know you love your son and you want to be there for him but a heroin addict will turn your love and your efforts to care for them into enabling so fast you wont realize when and if it is happening.
Backing off to the point of "I love you and feel confident you can find the help you need without me intervening" may be the healthiest thing. Just my personal experience from being in recovery, but I have not seen a young person get sober and stay sober until their parents basically cut them off (not from love but from funds and doing things for them).
Of course your inclination would be to believe your own son when he says "I was pulling my weight!" but what is more likely?...That he is the poor victim again or that the staff is actually telling the truth? I would put money on the rehab staff whose job it is not to make excuses for or enable the residents.
I am guessing some of the other parents of adult children can better respond here, but I can see how you would absolutely want to scream, cry, and get upset even that this horrible disease has influenced your son and it's still a struggle and will continue to be so. BUT - you are powerless and trying to influence or control his addiction and/or recovery is pointless. When he screws up, your immediate response does not need to be "what should I do?" it's really better off being "I hope HE does the right thing and I am going to take care of me."
**I wanted to add that it's obviously huge growth in your ability to detach with love that you don't just let him come home. My parents did help me some in my early recovery....They flew down to the state I was in and helped me move my stuff and get set up in my own apartment (yeah...sounds like enabling...gasp...Yet somehow I got sober anyhow)...but I quickly switched over to relying on peers in AA and my sponsor even more and not them as much and I hope and pray that is the case for your son. There are no "right" answers. Just keep the serenity prayer and the 3 C's in mind (didn't cause, can't control, can't cure it).
-- Edited by pinkchip on Saturday 13th of July 2013 09:03:46 AM
Update ::: my son prayed and with my own eyes and ears I see how god works. He was allowed to go back today to his program because that's how bad he was to be close to god and sobriety. I do have to say that even pastors are human and they to have there bad days, unfortunately it caused my son a day out of his program, but no drug or alcohol was involved. My son prayed with me last night and told me"mom have faith, because fear is a sin" he was not asking to come home he was not asking for help. He took it upon himself to pray and god will guide him where he needs to be. He went outside with my phone when we were eating dinner and talked to his pastor and came back in and said " mom you have to have faith " n he is right.. I did not know how to handle a situation that I did not need to deal with, but I see he is truly working on him, when I am no where close to my recovery. God bless..
Bless his heart, he really seems to want to get help
I sooo hope that he stays the course and that you stay your course in alanon....Alanon is our sanctuary from all the insanity of the drinking and drugging...It truly is our "Life 101" manual on how to live and live good....
Please keep coming back and working your program, I promise this program really really works....
Blessings and Peace to BOTH of you....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
