The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
welcome to our alanon house......glad to C U and congratulations on your sobriety...One day at a time, and I agree.....Jill needs to get regular with alanon so SHE can stay level and focused on HER life...
I think, also as Hotrod says, if you are BOTH working the program u stand a better chance
I would not rush into marriage for both your sakes....you both are going to have a lot on your plates, learning the program, how to work the steps, how to set boundaries...
program old timers suggest "NO heavy relationships until you have been in the program MINIMUM a year" depending , of course, on issues you may have as to working through any past, family of origin issues.
Really the first year or two, both of you should be working hard on your programs and getting really habituated in it so when you do get together you will have enough healthy living practiced that it will help through those difficult times..
PEACE and great luck and congratulations on finding love as well.....Now you got TWO somethings to fight for.....YOU and sobriety and this lovely lady in your life............
-- Edited by neshema2 on Friday 12th of July 2013 04:40:35 PM
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Cong rats on your sobriety and your new founded love.
The best you can do for your girlfriend is to introduce her to alanon and suggest that she attends. It is a fellowship of men and women who live with or have lived with the disease of alcoholism With you attending AA and your partner in Alanon your relationship will stand a much better chance
Hi, Elliot: Welcome to MIP. Glad that you are recovering and working your program. I can only talk about me. The disease is only too much for me in relationship to a person who is working his disease and not his program. I was married to someone with this disease and wouldn't do it again - not because of him but because I know what will happen to me if I do. That isn't true for everybody. I've been in f2f groups where couples have stayed together - working their individual programs and supporting each other's progress in Al-Anon, too. If you're concerned, keep working your program and don't let up because the disease won't - as you know by now. She gets to decide when things get too much for her. That won't be in your court to manage.
As far as marriage, well - you don't say how long you've been reconnected as a couple. You've actually been in recovery - although this is really great - for a few short months. I don't know if you want to rush into marriage - even if you've known her for 21 years. 1st year marriages can be pretty stress inducing because we have a lot of work to do to give form and shape together to the relationship we need to grow and to thrive as individuals and as a couple. We need to know ourselves pretty well to do that. All sorts of expectations and unconscious behaviors show up and surprise us when we're actually married about ourselves and about each other. You're just starting to learn how to live without alcohol/drugs.
I don't want to discourage you, but I do want to encourage you to consider with her the advise-ability of getting married sooner rather than a little later in your recovery process? Just a suggestion that would work for me. Doesn't mean it would work for you.
You're right. All you can do is keep working your program.
Introduce her to Al-Anon and let her know it may be helpful for her, but she's the one who ultimately decides if the program works for her or not. Regardless of her choices, you keep doing what you need to do to take care of you.
Elliot I know hundreds of Alcoholics and meet new ones all the times in my own meetings. What is surprising to me and has been for a long time is that outside of sitting with them within the rooms of AA and Al-Anon there is no way I can tell that they are. They are grand people...even great people who live highly spiritual, sane and serene lives. Out in the open I can tell they are "different" than how I was brought up with in the families I was brought up in and different than alot of other folk in their behaviors, mannerisms, language and mutual friendships. What I have simply come to understand is that they are what I like being...sober, sane, serene and spiritually progressive people.
My present wife who I met in Al-Anon after 9 years of being alcohol free, told me when we got together, "If you pick up again...I'm gone". Such a simple understanding for me and exactly how I know it for myself, "If I pick up again...I'm gone". I stay sober without fear or anxiety...just with and within this one day I practice what I practiced yesterday and the day before...Trust God, Clean House, Help Others...Don't drink alcohol.
My not drinking has nothing to do with my wife. Like you I was born and raised in the disease. I never drank at or about anyone back then either. I have a life threatening disease which caused me to be genetically predisposed to alcoholism...just like my tuberculosis and the religion of my families. These were not choices...the choices were made for me before I was born. The choice I make is to continue to arrested the compulsion to drink, its desire and the negative outcomes. My understanding today is that my sobriety and sober life is my choice and my outcome and my wife is very much less concerned about it still. She got a better husband because of Al-Anon and AA and he brought along a Power Greater than himself too.
Keep coming back and keep duplicating your sobriety...always duplicate or practice, practice, practice. ((((hugs))))
As a self-described "double winner" (having grown up with alcoholism), you are fully qualified as an Al-Anon member yourself. Welcome...you have come to the right place! Keep coming back (including the F2F meetings).
