To parents living in fear for their children with this disease.  This doesn't have a fairy tale happy ending, but it is true.  My son is afflicted with this disease as many of you know.  It has drug him through more trouble and pain than I would think anyone could endure.  I've had to separate myself from him as often as the disease overwhelmed what goodness lives within him.

And because I know I can't do what I want to do for and with him, I do what I want to do for and with him with other people's children. I'm not alone.  There are thousands of us at work in shelters, on the streets, in churches, in hospitals, in jails and prisons, in non-profits, soup kitchens who are putting shoes on their feet, clothes on their backs, food in their stomachs and beds to rest in. 

There are thousands of us making sure they get special treats and are treated with respect and tough love, too.  What those of us who don't have kids with this disease can't do for our own children because they're grown, we also do for yours.  Those of us who do have children with this disease pray for you, don't judge you and give your kid a little extra something that won't hurt him or damage her but will hopefully remind them that they are human and they are wanted.  We also don't let them get away with much either.  We don't just do this for them but because we know how much you are hurting, too. 

We work to make affordable housing available for them.  We work to get them into treatment centers.  We work to get them treatment in jails, prisons, mental health facilities.  We work to get laws changed that make it harder for returning ex-offenders to have any quality of life so that they can have a decent life with work. We visit them in jails, prisons, mental health facilities.  We write them.  We set up recovery homes.  We set up resource centers.  We set up welcome centers.  And yes, we do make mistakes, but it isn't because we don't care - sometimes, we can care too much.  We get into recovery programs ourselves - knowing that we need to take care of ourselves just as much as we want them to take care of themselves.  We educate ourselves as to the best treatments available and the new understandings of this disease. 

We are yelled at, spit at, cursed and lied to sometimes.  But, we carry on because we know this is a child of God and a child of yours.  When we get tired, there are others to step up to do what needs to be done without violence.  We pick them up in the middle of the night when they're hallucinating and take them home if they have one.  We celebrate their birthdays.  We make sure that holidays are festive for them.

We take them on trips.  We encourage them to stay dry, sober and proactive rebuilding their lives.  We advocate for them when they need it and we talk with them about turning themselves in or we'll do it when they commit a crime.  We try to do with them what we know works and we pay close attention to what doesn't work and change it.  We encourage them to make amends to you after they've entered recovery and we don't buy everything we're told until they have been in recovery and are truly working to improve their own lives. 

We are retired teachers, doctors, nurses, psychologists, ministers or still employed as such.  We are college students, graduate students, high school students and sometimes children.  We are all from varied backgrounds and social settings.  And most of us have one thing in common:

We see your children.  We have compassion for your children.  We do what we can do to help them.  And yes, we sometimes parent them depending on their ages and their development.  We do for them often what you'd love to do for them but can't for all the reasons that are necessary for you and for them.  And if we got into this type of service before our own children showed signs of this disease, we understand even more deeply how hard this is for you and how hard it is for them.  Like you - we NEVER give up on any of them although sometimes we have to cut them loose and set them free to go on to the next group of folks waiting for them in another city - another town.

There have been some who we thought were lost and would never recover and we grieved together as we watched them seemingly die slowly right before our eyes.  And five years later - they came back healthy and whole and living life - glad to be alive and glad to be sober.  We've stayed with others who did die and held their hand or sat beside them in their hospital beds or elsewhere.  We've held funeral and memorial services for them and shared memories of what they've meant to us.

Although your children might not be with you, they are never alone.  There are thousands of us all over this world trying to do for your child what you want to do but can't.  I do hope this truth that I am telling gives you comfort, parents of adult children with this disease.  We want you to know that your children have brought many treasures into our lives.  They have taught us so much that we wouldn't have learned without their help.  They have softened us and toughened us.  They have given us a reason to get up every day and give all we have and to receive from them what they can give.  They have helped us see our own shadow side and the changes we need to make in our lives to live simply, honestly, gratefully awake to the mercy and peace that truly does exist for us if we'll receive it.  I've spent more than 30 years with your children.  I can't think of anyone else I would have wanted to spend my life but with them. 

My life has been saved by children like yours.  I've been protected by them.  And when I talk about them or share stories of them, I break down unexpectedly because your children or children like your children have brought me so much pain because of what they endure, but they've also brought me incredible joy. 

There are those of us who do celebrate your children and their lives.  We've seen their generosity.  We've seen their courage.  We've seen their faith.  And yes, they're sick.  We know that, too.  And no, you can't have them living with you either.  We've experienced why that is true.  And we know that you love them but you can't help them any other way but to let them go.  And - if we don't know that when we first begin this work of service, if we stay with it - we learn it.   And because this happens for your child, or children like your adult child, I trust that this is being done for my son, too.