The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
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level.
I am new to Al Anon, and this message board. Things have gotten to a point where I can't take it anymore, and I am so sick of the cycle that my AH and I are in. I have realized that I am a sick, sick person and I have been allowing myself to be miserable for years. My AH and I have been together for 8 years, and we have three kids. I cannot even really remember any happy times that we have had that alcohol hasn't impacted somehow. I dwell constantly on the fact that my life is not what I want. I have asked him to leave, but the response I get is: I would leave you, but I don't want you to be a lonely, bitter, man-hating 45 year old. Too late! I am a 28 year old, man-hating, bitter, lonely woman. I have isolated myself from my family and friends for years, and I am lonely. I really feel that if I could leave or even better, if he would leave, I would be so much happier. I just can't leave. I have no resources.
Welcome...we are here with you now and have been where you are now. It would be most helpful for you to find a local al anon group and begin soaking up the magic of the 12 steps so you can find some peace. You can also participate in our online meetings that are offered through this site. There is hope...living with an alcoholic is too much for anyone. Scroll through the many posts offered here and you will know that you are not alone and you can heal through what we call "recovery". You will eventually learn the language and you will feel the strength that you naturally have, but has been whittled away living with this disease. Keep coming back.
Hope its ok to say "Meg" WELCOME to the group, family...This is the greatest and most loving bunch of people
I relate to your plight...been there...donethat...My 2nd AH is what drove me to alanon....I worked the steps, the literature, memorized and put into practice the slogans, I got a sponsor to guide me in my work and I worked on ME...focused on ME...MY personality and why I was so codependent...which I manage very well, on a ONE DAY at a time basis....
I manage it by showing up here, working the boards, going to on line meets when I can, and working the steps daily
This program will help you get to know and fall in love with YOU..When you reach the point of really getting to know you, you will know what to to re: the AH....
for now, I think I would just get to work on me..do everything program suggests...I like PP's post about reading the other posts and getting into the meets, etc...
No time like the present to get free, happy and better life.....If this program can help a mess like I was, it can help anyone...
Trust me, I was a bitter, full of hate, resentment filled, codependent who just had no clue as to how to take care of me and live a healthier life, through my decisions....
Now I eat healthy, exercise, meditate, I have healthy boundaries, the program helped me to grow up and straighten up......
I can you ...it works if ya work it.........WELCOME to the family
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sounds like your first steps then are to expand your resources so that you can make choices that are healthy for you and make you happy joyous and free. Alanon is a good start. I try and remember that at any time a person I'm with could get sick, die, or just decide they don't want to be with me. I don't dwell in those negative thoughts but it keeps me focused on the fact that I always need to be able to take care of me on my own and also that life is to short and to valuable to waste it with someone that makes me unhappy.
I have been where you are. I have been married for 11 years to my ADH and we have 2 kids. I found Alanon recently after feeling like I couldn't take it anymore either. It has done WONDERS for me. I focus on myself. I havent been able to get to a F2f meeting yet but have done many online, email, fb meetings. I ordered the literature and began working the 12 steps. That along with this forum has helped tremendously. I learned to set boundaries and to take things "one day at a time". I am sooo much stronger than where I was just a few months ago. I am finally experiencing joy in life again despite my DH problems. You can too. Welcome and hang in there.
I don't dwell in those negative thoughts but it keeps me focused on the fact that I always need to be able to take care of me on my own and also that life is to short and to valuable to waste it with someone that makes me unhappy.
you kinda woke me up about the abuse and still harboring negative towards the siblings....I was on phone w/my recovery mate who is in recovery with me, and told her (no names mentioned) that I had a person point out to me about my harboring resentments, and I REALLY want to let it go...we kicked it around and she told me its hard, but when I catch myself thinking bad about these siblings, just keep like putting them in a bubble and Poof.......up in the sky.......let em go.......let em reap their karma............Life IS to short............
my friend also asked me about daughter, and she said to me (we grew up together so she knows me like a book) she said that she thinks the last straw was when "C" begged me to have holidays with her, this time it would be different and so I cancel my volunteer thingy at the nursing home and daughter takes off in her car and stands me up.......I confronted her about it, told her what that did to my with my nursing home gig and also my feelings, and I got the same ole, blank stare and the "your right mom" and then nothing..............My g.f. told me that I had been patient for a long time, but I just had enough..........this last sentence of yours is sooo right.........life is too short to waste it on anyone who makes me unhappy
I do believe I can reach the "compassion" stage with these people who drove me away b/c "they know not what they do to themselves"...I was loyal, kind, compassion, there for them, a good sister...a good mom....I know I was......so yea, I CAN come to compassion mode b/c really...."they know not what they do to themselves"......my g.f. said that we all have to reap what we sow.....
I dont' want to sow sorrow so my work is to keep letting it go, yea, I am talking about it today b/c the birth happend yesterday...so yea, I am gonna take a few days to level out....working my program will help me do that..........
This is my FIRST real BIG demonstration of protecting me from further hurt.....I am gonna praise me for that......for standing up for me....my G.F. is around this weekend, so I got her to lean on if I need to jsut vent and talk.
I am so glad I am back in the harness of recovery where I feel safe and noone judges me, noone gets on my case, they just share and love me no matter what..........
Talked to my GOOD sister this am and we had a gr8 chat...... 95% or more of my REAL family are NON DNA........thats ok....love is love
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
